May 24, 2005
Hello! I think I will skip the part where I say I am shocked at how time
flies and just go to the part where I tell you all that God has been doing
since the last time I wrote.
Two Friday’s ago the girls had a sleepover at the youth center. We tie-dyed
shirts (and our hands) different colors, played hide and seek, and sang
along to Rogers and Hammerstine’s “Cinderella” (with Brandy, of course). It
was alot of fun and the girls all loved just being girls. I ended up
crashing on the air hockey table about 2:30am, and I don’t know if
Ms.Elizabeth got any sleep at all!
Please pray for the Patterson’s. If you know me at all, you know they are my
babies, and I worry for them. Erica spent all day on Sunday with me, and is
another little sister, but on Monday, Eric and Devon got into a fight. I was
the only one inside the youth center, so I saw them swinging and I ran and
got in the middle of it. I almost got socked in the jaw but I got one of the
other guys to grab Devon–they were really swinging. Eric, my little man,
started cussing up a storm and I had to escort him out of the youth center.
Erica called her mom, and about 10 minutes later their mom comes in, goes up
to Devon and smacks him on the head saying “what the F&^$ have I told you
about hitting your brother?” and so on while she took them all home. I will
tell you, there is nothing scarier than an black momma (not meaning that
disrespectfully in any sense of the term)! Eric is getting himself kicked
out of everything and is getting so uncontrollable. This summer–very
soon–the Patterson’s will be living with their dad in Ft.Wayne, so please
pray that God protects them and draws them to Himself. I won’t be seeing
them until I get back from Brasil then.
I called Heather (Tele’s wife in Brasil) and found out that not only does
she want me to be a part of the music program like I was last year (one of
my favorite parts of my trip), but also would like me to come down as early
as possible to start working on the mime/puppet programs for English camp.
SO basically, I will be doing most of the music that is in English. I am so
very excited, as I love music, but even more so because I am needed. this
means so much to me. So, actually, I have no idea when I will be leaving or
for how long–depending on the letter from the college in Brasil and the
plane tickets. It sure is alot to trust God for!
Last Wednesday I was walking around the youth center when Fannie, one of the
younger girls, brings this little girl to me and says “Ms.Rachel, Samantha
wants to be saved.” and then left. quite a nice introduction, don’t you
think?:) I talked with Samantha (9) and found out that she understood
salvation very well and just as puzzled with Fannie’s introduction as I was.
So we went over the gospel together, and it turned out (as with alot of
younger children) that Samantha did not have assurance of her salvation. It
was really neat to share with her.
Please pray for Ms.Elizabeth. She is pulling about 200% of the workload at
the youth center. She is still in the new enough stage of working at the
center that she does not have the respect earned of the kids, and quickly
becomes the scapegoat for anything wrong that happens. I remember when I was
in that role, and it was not fun. last week I had to watch her struggle
through alot of criticism and kicking people out and so on…and if I am
hurting for her just watching, then you know it is hard on her.
Erika E. retook her National Guard entrance exam last Wednesday and passed
with flying colors (she missed by one point last time). What was so special
to me was that as soon as she found out she came running to me and told me
all about it. She will be leaving for basic training June 2, so please keep
her in prayer.I do not know what all goes on at basic training, but…it is
alot. She has been more open and talkative then ever, and that has meant so
much to me.
Jasmine R. has been struggling lately. Last week I had to kick her out for
cussing, and she really did not care. She came to me and apologized
afterwards, and is her normally smiley self now, but I wonder how far the
“naturally nice Jasmine” is and how much is God really working in her life.
it grieves me that I cannot make an accurate diagnosis on where my girls are
because there are so many “faces” to get through.
Dabrittnay and I have been getting closer as she opens up (which, in the
inner city especially, is one of the most precious gifts a girl can give
anyone). She was giving some guy a hug (a dangerous thing to do) when he
accidentally poked her eye with the straw he had in his hand. It was
bad–her eye was bleeding and it looked really gross. She got a freetime
later that day and something snapped. I promise–sometimes I can see it
coming, and sometimes I can’t. this time I didn’t. She blew up and left. She
actually acknowledged my presence when I picked up her sister yesterday,
but…it feels like so much progress was destroyed.
Last Thursday I did the girl’s Bible study, and it was the first official
(the week before was impromptu to and thus does not count) Bible study I had
done since last year I believe. I had forgotten how incredible they were. We
went over a case study about lying and had hot debates over the questions,
making the girls think. Michelle Jackson came for the first time in a couple
months, and she always has great insights. I miss her alot–she has
become…alot harder. Then we talked about earning trust and how trust is
broken. I said something about how we choose what kind of world we live
in–when we lie and break trust, we are choosing to live in a world where we
don’t trust, and no one trusts us. When we choose to tell the truth and earn
trust, then that is the kind of world we are choosing. Our daily
habits–character, I guess you could call it–create our world and life so
much more than we realize! Michelle told everyone she did not trust anyone
and did not care if they trusted her. Then I had the two minute window (you
know, where everyone actually stops talking and they look at you and you
know their brains are not out to lunch?) and it was one of those *moments*
that you live for. I don’t remember what I said, but the point was that I
was like “yeah, every time you trust someone or love someone you are opening
your heart to pain and for it to be broken. That is why is is easier not to
trust or love anyone or anything. But that is where it is different with
God. God will never lie or break your trust. You can always trust Him…and
it is through opening up to Him that we can properly open up to others–even
though they will all break our trust at some time or another.” it was deep.
and beautiful.
I have so been enjoying the verse sheets we do with the girls. before
activities, they have a certain amount of verses to study (not very many)
and from each one, they are to figure out some specific thing they need to
do that week concerning their relationship with God. mostly it has been
reading their Bible, but I have been amazed at some of the things the girls
come up with–for Phil. 4:8, Amber said she needed to stop watching a
certain TV show. For “Let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus” (I
forgot the reference) Clarissa came up with that she needed to go to church
to hear “Jesus kind of thoughts.” 
isn’t that neat? God’s Word in action.
Please pray for Eugene. lately he has been having times of acting up. one
day he went around doing his little fake crying thing, and tears were
streaming down his face. It was so hard because I asked him what was wrong,
and he was trying to tell me, but he could not get it out (Eugene has
autism). I sat him down and he calmed down soon, but later was hitting
himself in the head–very hard. One day in Bible study he suddenly decided
that as I was leading songs, anytime I stopped, he would start talking
(saying things like “Sausage, chocolate cake, Tech high school…”) very
loudly. He was quiet for the Bible study, but it is just unusual behavior. I
wonder if it has anything to do with Lamont (his brother that takes care of
him) graduating.
So many of our kids are graduating and leaving for the summer (the
Patterson’s, Erika for basic training, Greg, Lamont, Eric, Dante, Carlos all
graduating and going to college or working) Many of these kids I may only
see through the rest of this week. please pray that I will take every
opportunity to encourage them as I can. I feel like time gave me a raw deal.
Dennavious came to the youth center yesterday and talked with James and Dan.
Now, we have been through this over and over and he will take a step in the
right direction and then fall harder than ever the next moment. sometimes I
wonder if I should even hope. because hope hurts when it falls again. but it
is not about pain, it is about knowing God is alive and working. so I am
happy and excited, and please pray–he quit his job and is basically doing
nothing right now.
I have officially retired from running the west side route (which is where I
get in the red van–that runs out of gas and stalls regularly, has no horn,
with no air conditioning, and that regularly smokes and smells like we are
going to blow up–and drive an hour to pick up and take home kids each day)
Mr.Mike is taking it over since I will be leaving in the middle of summer.
this means I will have two hours each day to do all those little things I
never had time to do before! But before I jump too high, I must say I will
miss my times in the van. I have had some of my best talks with the kids
sitting in the front seat of that van. Each day I take that time to pray for
the day and each of the kids. And I must admit, it is where I hear all the
interesting workings of these kids lives as they gossip in the back and
forget that there are two nosey ears sitting in the drivers seat:).
For me? I have been working on all my little projects and everything I want
to get done before I go to Brasil. Top on my list is investing in the
relationships I have and just living that day when I have it. doing things
like giving Erica an extra hug yesterday. I feel the saying “life is short”
chasing me and I am scared to look over my shoulder and see how close it is
coming. But then my God takes me again and gives me His peace, and I trust
Him once more. Last weekend my family went to Spring Mill and stayed at the
lodge (you can’t really call it camping). it was awesome to be with my
family and have no list of things to do with me. Nature is medicine for the
soul. Please pray that I would let God squeeze out of me all that He desires
for those that I come in contact with, and that I simply trust Him.
“He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. As the
living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who feeds on
Me will live because of Me…Therefore many of His disciples, when they
heard this, said “this is a hard saying; who can understand it?” ” John
6:56-60 I don’t think I understand it all either, but that is okay–I get
the picture of abiding from it.
This is from C.S.Lewis (a book called “Till We Have Faces”) “the complaint
was the answer. to have heard myself making it was to be answered. Lightly
men talk of saying what they mean. often when he was teaching me to write in
Greek the Fox would say, “Child, to say the very thing you mean, the whole
of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that’s the
whole art and joy of words.” a glib saying. when the
time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech
which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all
that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you’ll not talk about joy
of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us, openly, nor let us
answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble
that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have
faces?”
God be with you,
Rachel
****
I am searching for a face
The rest of the crowd does not suffice
It is gone and I know not where
The answers hide their face in the future
And I am given a choice
Of what to do with situations served me
To worry and complain
And keep searching or
I may rest
On the Rock
That is higher than I
I may sit
On the Stone
The builders rejected
I may look
On the Face
That gave everything for me
I may trust
In the Truth
That keeps me protected
Again Lord I come before You
My eyes are begging to stray
To do anything
To feel resolution
Out of the corner of my eye
I see a movement
And all my resolve is out the window
As I chase the wind
I ask You
My King
To take my heart
I want You
My Anchor
To hold me still
I desire You
My Creator
To make me new
I need You
My Father
To guard my will
It is a struggle
Often bitter and cruel
For I am not pitted against evil
But the good and the beautiful
It is a battle
Not against an enemy
But versus all I am
And the feelings inside of me
And I am given a choice
Of what to do with situations served me
To worry and complain
And keep searching or
I may rest
On the Rock
That is higher than I
I may sit
On the Stone
The builders rejected
I may look
On the Face
That gave everything for me
I may trust
In the Truth
That keeps me protected
