June 23, 2005
-
April 12, 2005
It is always the weeks you have the most to say that you are too busy to say them!:)
By last Monday night I already had a handful of stories to type out. I went to go pick up the kids for the Westside and as I was turning, I don’t know if someone leaned against the widow or not, but the glass to the door window shattered. yep. shattered. all over the road, all over the kids…no one was hurt, so I pulled over and examined, shaking my head and saying “oh, this could not have happened.” but it did. the kids thought it was the greatest adventure since we had run out of gas and had to be picked up by the other van. and, I have to tell you, all in all, it was sorta funny. so now, not only do I have no horn and often no gas, but I have plastic covering the window (that regularly gets holes that mysteriously appear when kids get on–they have this fascination with making the holes bigger. I think it is a rule as strong as gravity.)
I went to go to try to pick up Tyray, who had not been to the youth center in forever. It turned out he was farther away than I thought, and we missed lunch. Tyray is Neka’s brother, and Neka is the girl I got very, very close to, but who ended up choosing weed over the youth center, me, and her relationship with God. As I took the kids home that night with our plastic window ruffling in the breeze, i stopped in at his house and had a good talk with him, Rodney, and Neka. Neka is always waiting for that one-more-opportunity that is going to make life okay again. This time, she is joining the job corps in May. She has to wait until May because they do drug tests and she has to be clean. From the looks of her eyes, it is not going to happen. But she wanted to talk, so that was a big step. Please pray for her. I want to reach out to her, but she has to step out and reach back. I cannot do it for her. it seems like just when I want to give up, she steps alittle closer, but never close enough.
Bugg had been kicked out of the center…for life…I believe, but came back and worked something out with Mr.James. After Bible study on Monday, he got up in front of everyone and told them what happened with him carrying a gun and getting arrested. He stressed that guns were horrible and not to be played with…blah blah…and all. I missed the speech, but heard about it from the kids. I was so glad that he cares enough to come back to do that–and I am glad that the kids were able to hear it. His girlfriend, Pookie, is getting MUCH bigger and is over 5 months along with their baby. Please pray for them. She has not been open to talking lately and seems to be completely satisfied with her life as it is–in eight grade having a baby.
Over the weekend Reggie and April had to move all their stuff out of their house. Reggie is living there with his dad and brothers and April is living there because her whole family is nuts. Anyways, Reggie’s dad got drunk and crazy and started yelling at Reggie and made them pack up all their things into the car. the car died before it made it to Reggie’s sister’s house, so they ended up back at the house until Reggie’s dad cooled down. He must have cooled down pretty fast since Reggie is paying half the rent money.
April came to the youth center and asked me when a good time to take the drivers test would be (she has had her permit for almost a year now). I said a Friday would be good. She thought I meant that Friday, but it worked out. She called me up to let me know she had an appointment on Friday at 8:30a.m. I picked her up to find out that she did not have her glasses. Her glasses are a whole story in themselves. I promise you, life just seems to give April some big whammies, because things that were so simple to me take forever and a day for her. We went to get her permit and she passed everything only to find she did not pass the eye test. So we went to find her some medical thing to cover the cost of glasses. Then we finally found the right ID that her mom had and got the glasses and then the permit. this process took over a month. Well, they said she did not really need the glasses, but I was glad we got them and everything was fine until a couple of weeks ago when another girl wore the glasses, kept them, and broke them. April still had all her things, including her glasses, packed in the car that broke down and was now in the shop. so I am counting the minutes on Friday morning as we have to find these glasses and get them because she has to wear them for her test! We get to the car place and the guy has the car on the lift. not only is he nice enough to climb up and get them, but he also lends us some scotch tape to tape them together. With our taped glasses in hand, we make it just in time for the appointment at the license branch. Well, April did not pass.
She is going to take it again on the 22nd, so please pray for her. She is a much better driver than I was when I took my test, but I guess she drove 30 mph in a school zone. major no-no. I think I was more nervous for her than she was!
On Tuesday, a bunch of the girls left and went walking. This happens alot, but they are always back for Bible study. Not this time. And the rule is if you miss Bible study you find your own ride home and you are kicked out. Well, the girls strolled in after Bible study acting like nothing was wrong, sure that they would not be punished. When it came time to go, they got on the van and I told them they needed to get off. When I had first talk to their mom, she was fine with them walking home, but then she calls and is like “I am going to sue if you make them walk home and if they get hurt it is your fault…” we have them sign a release paper, but I just felt torn. I had this rule in front of me that I needed to follow. I sure did not want these girls having to walk home–quite a long way–even if it was a nice night. But they had to learn they could not disregard the rules. finally, we agreed that we would take them home, but they would have a much longer time that they would be kicked out. I was stressed. after the whole battle, I just felt like they did not care and they would never learn. It was Ebony, Erica, and Michelle O. Michelle was pretty innocent and was cry and upset about the whole thing, but for Ebony and Erica, it just seemed like nothing worked. They started coming to the center almost two years ago, and I had the privilege of leading them to the Lord soon after. But since then, nothing has really changed at all. I was tired of fighting with them and arguing and I just did not care. I felt like no matter what I did, nothing would help them learn. And I also felt horrible myself. I felt like a parent who is forced up against the wall making decisions for their child: “do I punish them? no mercy? do I forgive? do I ease up?” I don’t know everything, and sometimes it feels like everyone expects me to know it all. I am just a girl. I am just a girl that fails and cannot think beyond the moment. I didn’t know if I had totally made a mountain out of a mole hill and just hit a wall. Of course, it is those times that God always provides someone to encourage you, and Mr.John and Destiny were lovely. The next day I got some extra sleep and had a long chat with the Lord and felt much better.
I have been working on my worrying this week. And I was definitely worrying about this. I took the proper steps and thanked the Lord for the situation (1 Theses. 5:18), but I sure did not know what to do next. But bit by bit the steps became clear. Michelle called me the next day and we talked about things and got things straightened out. When she came back to the center today, she ran to me and gave me a big hug. That is an awesome feeling. Ebony then called me up. They want to know if they are really kicked out for 2 months or so. So I pulled an Esther thing. I figured if they would wait the first 3 days being kicked out (which is what originally was the punishment) and then still take the initiate to spend time talking with me, I would meet with them one on one. So tonight I took Ebony to McDonalds and we talked. it was good. She listened and really showed interest. I asked her what had changed in the two years since she had been saved, and she said not much. We talked about some ways that could change, and she stepped up to the challenge. I am glad. I really like those girls. I meet with Erica tomorrow, so please pray for all of those girls.
You know how I asked you to pray about the church situation? Well, we decided that since the 12 and under kids could come, and the dedicated kids could come, that on Wednesdays, only the girls and guys God Squad (the discipleship program) and younger kids could come to the center. This way, we could have special meetings with the God Squads and special privileges, challenging the other kids to get involved spiritually at the youth center and join the God Squads.
As I was talking with the girls, Diamond (yep, that is her name. her sister’s name is Heavenly) came and wanted to be a part of the God Squad. To start, you have to fill out a booklet, writing out your testimony. Well, after the second question she said “I am not saved, but I want to be!” So, right there, Diamond received Christ! It was so neat to have a table talk with all the girls on the God Squad and talk about stuff like “Diamond just got saved–she is now your sister in Christ–be happy with her!” and they were. The whole general feeling at the youth center was amazing. The girls were talking about how they wanted to start memorizing verses and going out passing out fliers more. They were giving Diamond hugs and laughing. We talking about Baptism and I am handing out permission slips let and right, but I really have no idea who all will be ready to be baptized this Sunday (PLEASE KEEP THAT IN PRAYER!). We are talking about baptism over and over and the girls are getting really excited because many of them have waited SOOO long to obey the Lord in this area!
It was such a blessing to my soul. Especially to see Jasmine B. She took DaBrittnay aside and started talking with her. She came to me later and told me that DaBrittnay was planning to run away at the end of the month. DaBrittnay agreed. DaBrittnay has been showing alot of depression signs, so please pray for her. I know there is alot going on, and I think the running away is all talk, but still pray. you never know until after it happens. Jasmine B. has been encouraging her and giving her hope and help. it is awesome to see. What is also amazing is that today, DaBrittnay came with a friend, Brittany. Brittany wanted to fill out the girls God Squad book, and DaBrittnay helped her. As I talked with DaBrittnay later, I said “you do know she is your girl now. When she needs help, you be there for her. When she has questions about God, you answer them. You encourage her to grow. It is called discipleship.” DaBrittnay looked up, more animated than I have seen her for awhile going “is that what it is called? that is so neat Ms.Rachel. I like that. I really do.” WOWOWOWOW! doesn’t that make your heart jump??? oh joy. I have written down the goal of the girls discipling other girls since I first started working at the center. and here, it just falls in my lap.
There are always alot of side issues going on, but please do keep Vicky in prayer. She has alot of things to work through now that she is saved, and her mother does not think she is ready to be baptized. She really wants to be with the other girls this Sunday…so just keep that in prayer. She came up to me and Brittany as we were talking and gave us each hugs saying “God will bless you when you come here girl. He sure blessed me for meeting Ms.Rachel and the youth center–He will bless you” and then walked off:). She gives alot of joy, and I want to give as much back to her as I can. sometimes I just feel at a loss of where to start.
Thank you for your prayers for my Aunt Susie. We had the funeral and memorial service this weekend. I enjoyed getting together with my family, and truly, it was a celebration. We were all happy for Aunt Susie. Even the weather was happy and cheerful for Aunt Susie. At the memorial service, one of the nuns stood up to say that the MS (disease I cannot spell) was a gift. It was a gift. think about that. Yeah, I can see how God used it. yeah, I can understand that WE needed it. But a gift? a calling? a purpose? that is deep. and you know? she was right.
I am reading (for quite a few weeks now since I have little time) “Desiring God” by John Piper. Quite a revolutionary book. each time I pick it up it seems to give me a new incredible jewel of a thought about my God. Like how God’s purpose must be His own glory–because what we set our sights on glorying is the highest we will ever become–and for God to set His sights (so to say–this is rather a poor way of explaining it) on anything less than Himself would be making Himself less than God. That is why for us to set our sights on glorying in ourselves is so pathetic and low–when we could be setting our sights on God. Worshiping God is taking us to places higher than ourselves. It then talks about feelings and how somehow we have believed the lie that it is horrible to do what makes us happy. Nope, it is just we believe the lie that anything besides God will make us happy. C.S.LEwis (as always) says it better:
” If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion crept in from Kant and Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at the sea. we are far too easily pleased.”
so get shook up alittle, huh?:)Luke 10:3 “Go your way; behold, I send you out as lambs among wolves.”
Rachel
****
Every day I hand you a piece of me
with how I dress, with what you see
with what I say, with how I pretend to be
I present you with a picture of me
it may be real, it may be fake
but interacting with you–it is yours to take
and there’s a risk to living
every single day
you never know where it will take you
you cannot see the way
and there’s a risk to friendship
as I hold you my hand
you can choose to grasp it
our you can let it land
every moment there is a chance
that it may be my last
but to open up my heart to you
is far more riskier a task
no man may be an island
but still so many try
having been bitten so much
they have forgotten how to cry
and there’s a risk to living
every single day
you never know where it will take you
you cannot see the way
and there’s a risk to friendship
as I hold you my hand
you can choose to grasp it
our you can let it land
