June 23, 2005
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February 4, 2005
Ola everyone! Tudo Ben?
Life is moving on and it is February already. There was this kid at the practicum center–so cute. oh my goodness. I don’t know why my heart always goes out to the one kid who does not have anything going for them. This kid’s name in Javon. he did not speak the whole morning except after much prompting when he replied “it’s ribbit!” because there was a frog. He came up and held my hand before we left and it seemed like he said so much without opening his mouth. he was playing with the doll house and I wondered if what he was acting out was what was going on in his life or just random actions.
sometimes I wonder if I read into things too deeply. you go to school to learn how to play with preschoolers and then boom! you suddenly analyze everything that happens. Anyways, the teacher was like “it is always the most needy that never come” that bothers me. because no matter what I do, people will still fall through the cracks. That is why I have God. whew.
I walked through the gym and read this “There is no substitute for victory” –Douglas Macarthur
Last Wednesday we were going to church and things were kind of crazy. but for the most part, it was the normal “under control” crazy. As we were about to pull out to head home, Anyea said something to Moose to which Michelle got upset about. She walked to the front of the bus and the next thing I know they are swinging on each other. After a few minutes, John manages to pull away Michelle and Ms.Elizabeth gets Anyea off the bus. Michelle “talks” the whole way back. “Talking” gets on my nerves. talk is so cheap and it is sold for nothing in the ghetto. Everything is big talk. Michelle’s pride was hurt and also her hair. it seems that Anyea grabbed some braids and as John and Ms.Elizabeth were pulling them apart–or before–Anyea pulled them out, leaving a 50 cent piece bald spot on the right side of Michelle’s head. Michelle decided to blame the whole thing on Ms.Elizabeth. (there was no rational reason for this. it was so dumb.)
So the whole time Michelle is saying things like “I’m gonna burn her house down” or “I am going to chop all her hair off and give it to cancer patents–I look like a cancer patient!” “she better not look at me” blah blah. I sat next to her, but in her state of mind there was nothing to say. so I just sat there. Michelle knew me well enough to know what I would have said anyways. I will miss Michelle. She will be kicked out for awhile. I have not seen her at all since then. Please pray for her. There is so much going on in her life.
On Friday I took the Westside to the Eagledale (the Christian school that we send four of the kids to) homecoming game. it was nice, and then afterwards they have some kids from each class dress up and be announced and then the students and teachers vote one as Mr.Eagledale and Ms. Eagledale. Eric was in the running, but everyone had told me that the other guy was going to win. They did their little “marching down the isle” thingy and then it turned out that Eric did win! Eric has been coming to the youth center since before time began I think:). He lives with his Catholic mother and Christian father that struggles with alcohol. Eric has always been a strong leader and wants to become a preacher. I was so proud that he won that honor! I was dancing around going “he won!” while the rest of the kids were properly embarrassed at me and telling me to sit down.
Yesterday I was going to take the girls and some of their mother’s out to Cici’s pizza. I was surprised at how excited everyone was about it. But it turns out that it did not work out. Erika, who is the oldest girl (16) who regularly comes to the center, and really is a leader even though she does not know it, moved out to live with her dad. She told me on the bus that her mom just said “start packing your things, you are moving out.” I don’t know what all happened, and I know there is more to the story than that, but…please pray. Erika’s brother, Lamont H. has been coming to the center more. He has raised his hand twice for wanting to be saved, but never come forward, and whenever I talk to him, he says he already is saved. so…
There is this girl named Kierra that comes to the center every once in awhile. Yesterday we had thousands of fliers were trying to pass out for the mission, and Kierra went with me. I started talking about salvation and she was like “Why is that the only thing you ever talk about?” And then she told me she went to the Kingdom Hall…I believe that is Jehovah Witnesses. While we were walking and passing out (from Washington to 10th street and back! It is like 10 blocks or something!) the fliers, I went through the gospel and she went on being hard headed. I think she enjoys being around me just so she can be stubborn to me. She goofed off all during bible study and then ditched her punishment…but please pray for her. Somehow, I still think she was listening under that crusty shell.
As for me, I am doing really well. Even though all my work is time consuming, it is good and I find so many little beautiful things worked into my days. God showers me with those little blessings like finding a parking spot at the impossible IUPUI (with it’s 26,000 students).
Psalm 18 gets me somewhere new every time I read it. here is verse 32-34 “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, and sets me on my high places. He teaches my hands to make war (yikes!), so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.” I am in a spiritual war, and I’ll tell you what, I need to bend that bronze bow more than ever.
May God bless you,
Rachel
PS–here is another lesson I’m learning:
Before I begin
my “coulda shoulda’s”
remind me of You
before I start
to worry or fret
show me the truth
I feel like
the little girl
that ruined her picture
and handed it
to the teacher
to “please fix it”
running my finger
through the frosting
then hoping the Decorator
will make it new
I take the day
and I plan it through
I mess it up
and then I reach to You
hoping You’ll
make it all better
because I’m still learning
what it means for
You to be sovereign
I’m still learning
that You have things
under control
I’m still learning that
all things work together
for Your glory
I fall down in failure
my day is in pieces
too ashamed to knock for help
I sit at the door
fumbling through life
because I think it’s to late
I try to do better
not knowing there is so much more
because I’m still learning
what it means for
You to be All-Knowing
I’m still learning
that You don’t
need my help
I’m still learning that
now is the time I have
and NOW is Yours
So before I begin
my “coulda shoulda’s”
remind me of You
before I start
to worry or fret
show me the truth
