June 23, 2005
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January 23, 2005
First of all, I just want to say that God has worked this week in my own personal life and at the youth center in so many ways. It has been a special dispensation of His grace or something that felt truly wonderful and I know it meant that someone was praying. So thank you.
It sure has been cold weather, and with the weather, van issues. The old faith van has been working, but just barely. It takes awhile to warm up, and even then it is temperamental. I have found myself patting the dashboard and saying “Come on, you can do it, don’t die on me now…” quite often. I am sure our conversations make all the difference on the technical details of the van. Because, well, I just don’t know anything else to do than pray.
I had to make a key for it and the guy asked me what kind of car it was, so I said “oh, it is a van.” with the look of patience that always pains guy’s faces when they patronize a girl he said “but what KIND of van?” to which my airhead-y reply was “oh, it is a red one.” The guy wanted to know who made the van, and by the time I realized that, I also realized I did not even know if it was a Ford or not. so I just said “hey, chalk it down to me being the average female who knows nothing about cars.” I was so embarrassed. oh well.
The van has quit on me at least five times this week, including in the middle of New York and Michigan Street (which are main, busy roads). I believe the kids are pretty well resigned to death as they are all determined that I am going to kill us all one of these days.
Please pray for Demone, Remone, and Terry. Remone and Demone are twins, also known as “Twin” and “Twin” for those who do not take the time to tell them apart. They used to come to the center all the time and live just a block down the street. Last Wednesday I was taking the kids home when I saw all the fire trucks blocking the street. Sure enough, it was their house. You cannot see anything from the outside, but the inside is completely trashed. I saw a moving truck as the house is unlivable. it turns out their mother also lost her job after the fire since she has not shown up for work. Please pray for their relocation and getting adjusted. Perhaps this is the wake-up call the twins needed. Both of the twins have alot of knowledge of God, but are turning their backs on Him for the ghetto and it’s life.
On Monday, Michelle and I got to go on visitation. We went to go visit Deanna, a girl who has come to the center once or twice a week for the past couple of months–enough for me to know her name, but not enough to talk to her or for her to be open. A lady opened the door and said “oh, she won’t be back. she is at the guardian home.” Michelle was affected more than me. She was just sitting in the car like “One day you see them and then boom, they are gone. Sent to a guardian home?” We stopped and prayed right then, and it was one of those really good moments–we were sisters together, praying to our God, not a youth worker and child.
I felt some regret over it. I had tried to talk to Deanna, but never got very far. And alot of times, I didn’t try. It is always after something happens or your opportunities are gone that you wish you invested in someone or became part of their life. How much more beautiful would it be to have that deep compassion BEFORE everything broke loose? Please pray for Deanna. I don’t know where she is or if I will ever see her again. I don’t know if her situation is good or not. I don’t know if she knows if anyone loves her.
Michelle shared alot too. She told me how she was worried over Lamar (her boyfriend–which is not a good thing) and his friends. How she had stolen something over the weekend, but felt so bad about it, that she went back to the lady in charge. the lady was very glad she confessed and forgave her. She said her family actually had some “normal” times. you know, where you all are together and you joke around without have fun without fighting.
On Tuesday I took the girls to the gym at the University of Indianapolis. This is one of their favorite activities to do. Michelle was VERY hyper. We were goofing off in the restroom while we were changing. At the end, Michelle was banging on all the doors, seeing if they would open and if everyone would hurry up. We had been in there for a good 15 minutes laughing loudly when she banged on the last stall door and it flew open…revealing that we were not alone in the restroom as we thought we had been. Michelle immediately apologized as the rest of us tried to keep straight faces and failed miserably. The girls felt very important using all the weights and tread mills and such. I had five girls five different places calling out “but ms.Rachel, this does not make sense!” “Ms.Rachel, this thing won’t go!” “Ms.Rachel, how does this work?” it was alot of fun, and the college students there were nice enough to look the other way before smiling and laughing.
After we worked up an appetite, my mom fixed us a great meal–even down to the cornbread and fried chicken:)! John loved that I brought over “his girls” to play with, and talked non-stop. I asked him what his job was, and he proudly said “I am a hero. I am Larry boy (he is WAY into veggietales). I rescue girls. I am brave because God is always with me and I never am alone.” he went on about how good God was and every single girl just melted. When he finally stopped for air, Michelle clapped and a chorus of “awws” could be heard. I did a short devotional for them, but I think John’s preaching touched their hearts more. I felt so blessed to be able to bring my girls to a home like mine.
This and last week there have been numerous opportunities to sneak in alittle talk with the girls, a blessing and something I had missed in previous months. Shannie, Deondra, Jasmine B., Linda, and even Erica and Ebony have shared–even if just for a couple minutes–what God is doing in their lives. Pookie, Bugg’s girlfriend and the girl who is pregnant with his baby came three times last week. She came to meet Bugg, but twice Bugg did not show up and Pookie basically sat alone. During that time, I was able to talk to her alittle about how she was doing. John’s baby was crying, and we talked alittle about babies. I had some information and pictures about how the baby grows inside the womb, and she was very excited about getting it. Shannie said on the van “oh Ms.Rachel, she wants to get saved” to which Pookie said that Shannie was always getting into her business…I talked with Pookie and she told me she was saved–but please pray for more opportunities. Both she and Erica asked to be on the girl’s God Squad (because we have an activity going to CiCi’s pizza coming up), and I am really praying to reach out to them. I rewrote the goals that I had for the girls…and really, for any Christian, these are the things that I would seek to encourage them on:
1.To know their life purpose. The reason why they were born, the work God has for them to do in your life, the direction God has called them. When they see God’s goal, they will move heaven and earth to reach it. To do this they must get to know God. First of course is salvation. Then there is a time of surrender. God is not going to show His will until they are surrendered completely to Him. This is a decision that they must make and continue to make as they find more areas of their life that are not yet given to God. (How? Through Bible studies and First Steps)
2. To have daily time with God. Where they actually read the Word, listen to God, study the Word and pray. This is where their life with God becomes real instead of fake. Memorizing is something that will change them from an average person to an unstoppable person. (How? Though weekly accountability, Devos)
3. To honor, respect, and obey their parents and authorities. Even if they do not agree or the authority is mistaken—for the simple reason that it is God’s will for them to do so. Out of the entire Bible—this the one command aimed directly at young people. (How? Through Bible studies and activities aimed at serving and blessing authorities—special times with Mom’s, nursing home visits, thank you cards, Issues #1)
4. To be discipled and then start discipling someone. A person never knows things until they have to teach them to others. That’s when it really starts to become part of their life instead of random information stuck in their heads. This also involves evangelism. (How? Though weekly discipleship, Applications)
5. To have a ministry. Something where they are going out and looking for ways to bless others. I don’t want them to just settle for a job or making money, but for something that really brings out the person God made them to be by serving others. (How? Through more responsibility at the youth center—actually, this has to be something the girl desires to do and does on her own, Applications)
6. To desire to be pure in all they do, think, and say. Guys, clothes, music, TV, attitude, and mouth are specific areas that will not change until they see it is worth it because God is so much better than what this world has to offer. They have to see that it is not just about them—it is about those around them—who are affected more than they will ever know. To do this they have to hate evil and cling to what is good. (How? Through Bible studies, weekly discipleship, and special conferences aimed at specific issues, Issues #2, #3)
7. To have a clear conscience. To not have anyone able to look at them and say “you did ___ and never tried to make it right” to have everything in their past resolved so that it does not have control over their present and future. (How? Steps to Freedom, Coming Clean)
SEVEN CONVICTIONS I WANT EACH GIRL TO HOLD TO:
1. The Bible is the inspired Word of God and the final authority of my life
2. My purpose in life is to seek God with my whole heart and to build my goals around His priorities
3. My body is the living temple of God and must not be defiled by the lusts of this world
4. My activities must never weaken the spiritual convictions of another Christian
5. My money is a trust from God and must be earned and managed according to spiritual principles
6. My words must be in harmony with God’s Word, especially if reproving or restoring a Christian
7. My affections must be set on things above, not on things of this world–two things last forever: the souls of men and the Word of God–invest in those things.
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When it comes down to it, it is about wanting the girls to be filled with the Holy Spirit and controlled by Him in all they do, think, or say. I needed to have more of a focus on where I am going, but I am not the judge of which kids are “successful Christians.” is it about filling out papers or checking off a list of things they did or did not do? No. God sees the heart, and thank goodness I can leave all the judging in His hands!
I have started my counseling class and am realizing that I need to seek to understand before I seek to be understood. My listening skills need to be worked on. And you know where God has put me? I also am doing a preschool practicum which has me working with 3-5 year olds 9 hours a week:)! It is a really neat experience. They are “at risk” children, meaning inner city and like the siblings of the kids at the center, and one boy especially has special needs. He is the greatest, and his name is Michael. I am sure I will have plenty of stories to tell about him!
Psalm 9:18 “For the needy shall not always be forgotten; the expectation of the poor shall not perish forever.” Matthew 13:17 “For assuredly, I say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.” With all that information about heaven, I feel like God is showing me special secrets. It is really neat.
Rachel
I was too weak
and I failed
God You know
that I tried
but my best
was not enough
I let in to my emotions
let the moment take control
but my prayer
has been answered
the prayer
I didn’t even know how to pray
unable to come to you
You came to me
and set me free
again and again
I’d get on my roller coaster
trying to get free
but desiring a thrill
at the end
the emptiness still there
the letdown
from dizzying heights
the lies whispered
into my ear
that the next time
would hold the key
but my prayer
has been answered
the prayer
I didn’t even know how to pray
unable to come to you
You came to me
and set me free
sometimes I saw the truth
the wasted emotional life
I lived
I would cry out
and make resolutions
and my list of do’s and don’ts
would grow
but my heart was
still attached
connected and tied
with bonds stronger than I
but my prayer
has been answered
the prayer
I didn’t even know how to pray
unable to come to you
You came to me
and set me free
and I cried
because it was
too beautiful to
contain
because I know
it would hurt
part of my heart
being removed
but the cut was deep and sure
and You came rushing
in to fill the void
it is the pain and beauty mixed
knowing You are working
in my life
counting me worthy
to go on
my prayer
has been answered
the prayer
I didn’t even know how to pray
unable to come to you
You came to me
and set me free
I’m released
to grow
let go
to fly
I’m emptied
to be be filled
with more of You
than ever before
