June 23, 2005
-
January 11, 2005
I am looking down at my pink slippers with their green flowers in deep satisfaction. because Bugg gave them to me for Christmas and that was just really sweet of him to remember me.
So this is my first letter of the year! it’s alittle late coming, so who knows how long it will end up. I do hope you had a great Christmas and New Year. I always love the new feeling that comes along with the holidays and fresh snow…of new chances and new goals and new heights.
My sister and I packed in the car and headed to the U.P. for New Years. It was really a God thing, enabled because of the car God gave me–and something that totally blessed me. My friend Karianne lives on the tip of Upper Michigan, so we drove through Illinois and Wisconsin to get there. Anna took her turn driving, her first on a highway, and after awhile, she even made it up to 65 m.p.h. and delt with the 18 wheelers passing her by. By 3:00am, I was popping in hot fries and Nerds to keep my eyes open, but we made it in one piece. The time there was a gift from God.
The friends we visited are all dedicated, on fire Christians. I came with a open heart, wanting to learn all I could and soak up all their enthusiasm for God. I came with so many little questions. there seems to be some people in this world that just inspire you. It is like they have a totally different mindset…suddenly things are not about rules and do this and don’t do that–it’s about loving God because you have already set aside the things that so easily beset. I came together with people of like mind who wanted to have deep conversations about the greatness of God and tell how He was writing their lives. I needed it. Because sometimes you only live your life by others expectations. And as long as those expectations are low, your life is easy. God revealed to me that I had fallen into alot of lazy living. I figured that as long as my standards and actions were as high as those around me–maybe even a tad higher so I could feel self-righteous–then I was fine. During my time in Michigan I was convicted as I saw people living at a much higher standard than I. Their purity of life revealed not only my sloppiness, but also that it is not about keeping up with others, it is about following the Highest Standard–Jesus Christ.
I worked on putting together qualities that admired in others and wanted to work on myself. I imagined what a person totally sold out to God would do, and then tried to think of ways to practice that in my life. And you know, I have a pretty good list of goals and can send them to you if you want–but the point is to follow Christ–who is the Sweetest Song (if you remember the story from The Odyssey) with my hands wide open. I am not seeking perfection, I am seeking a walk of intimacy that is unhindered with God.
To find what I should do, I thought of the things I regretted from the past year–that I would change if I could. they turned out to be pretty simple: not listening to people with my whole attention, not learning more Portuguese, memorizing more, praying more, not asking people “so how are you and God?” more, not trusting God enough to value Him over what I felt like doing at the time, every time I would settle for second best, not stopping and doing things right the first time, and letting myself get distracted my minor things. I never regretted the time I spent with my family, the extra time I put into people, the Bible studies, or the super long e-mails that take alot of time to write:). I do not, and never will regret the decisions I have made this year based on what God was leading–even the ones that required much personal sacrifice and pain. wow, it is good to be able to say that.
We reopened the youth center on January 3rd, although it sure was not finished. I walked into the smell of paint and wet. they had not finished the floor and everything was still moved. to top it off, there was so much rain that the office was flooded and we had to walk across the gang planks laid out as the youth center area was turned into a mote and covered in water. By the next day, even the planks were covered and muddy shoes were inevitable.
Everyone was stuck inside because of the rain for most of the first week, and had a ton of nervous energy, which meant basketballs were being bounced off my head *literally.* On Monday, I went into the attic to find something and as I went down my wet shoes slipped and I rode down them, sledding style, on my rear end. the kids though it was so funny. I am still alittle sore and don’t want to talk about it.
Mr.James (who just had a baby boy tonight) is the new director and does a great job even though he is juggling it along with his previous job of being Mr.Dan’s right hand man. He is big on visitation, so twice last week I got to go out and see some kids. We were trying to find this family that moved–Shenequa and Micalya, because they had more Christmas presents given to them. After trying a couple of places, we had Tyron tell us an address–which turned out to be false as I banged on quite a few houses and got strangers looking at me like I was selling something. April said we were going to get killed trying to do all that in the ghetto. I tell you–no two days are the same in my occupation!
As I took the kids home I just had April and Donald left and Donald needed to buy some bread. Of course, it was a small store with only black people there and so I stuck out like a snowflake in the rain. Donald was obviously feeling it as he would whisper to me to “shush” if I started to say anything. just to be ornery, as we were walking out I started punching him lightly in the arm. Donald turned a nice pink (for him) and then grumbled all the way home how I was so embarrassing and how he would never take me any place again. he said “imagine me, having a white girl beatin up on me!” *giggle*
We also have a new girl staff member, Elizabeth. Elizabeth is a hard worker, and she sure is earning her pay these first few weeks. She is the new girl, and has to earn her way in–the kids are not making this easy. Especially the girls. On Thursday, I spent almost the whole day following behind Elizabeth and setting the kids straight that she DID have authority and WAS a staff member and needed to be respected and listened to. The girls would get together and loudly say stuff like, “You need to fire her because no one likes her!” “She better not come near me because on the G I’ll get kicked out for what I do!” wow. I had almost forgotten my “initiation.” This job is not for the fainthearted. But Elizabeth is doing good–and you know what she did tonight? she took Erika (one of the very loud speakers of these comments) out to eat. I like that. So pretty soon, even Ms.Elizabeth will become part of the youth center, and I am glad. But please do pray for her, and for me, that I would know what and how to “train” her for the job.
In all the rush and craziness and Mr.James doing two jobs and Ms.Elizabeth learning the ropes, God has given so many good opportunities to me to speak with the girls! Even just little “so what is up with you and God?” that I have really missed in the past have just fallen in my lap. Michelle lately has been coming to me with exciting news, and my extra driving to get Jasmine gives us time in the car to chat. Danielle came to the youth center today and it was great to catch up with her.
Someone surprising that I have had good talks with lately was Shannie. Shannie has decided that it is her favorite thing in the world to run the store. I try to keep an eye out for sticky fingers (which most of the previous store runners have or have had), but she has been doing a good job. She never really tells me what she thinks about anything, but has been hanging around near me alot more. today one of the kids was very sick (all over the floor) and I needed to take him home. Shannie asked if she could ride with me. That really surprised me. before she was sorta into the “hanging with staff is very uncool” mode. As I asked her how she was doing, she laughed her nervous laugh and said “oh Ms.Rachel, I hate it when you ask, because yeah, things are going good with me and God–but I just don’t know how to talk about it.” you know what? when I was her age, I didn’t either. and that is fine…I am just glad that she is doing good and wanting to learn.
Here is my verse for this year: John 15:16 “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain; that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name He may give it to you.”
Rachel Winzeler
This was from my devotional: “There is a difference between innocence and purity. Innocence is the characteristic of a child, purity is the characteristic of a man or woman who knows what the tendencies and temptations are, and who has overcome them. Virtue is not the man who has not been tempted, neither is purity. When a man is tempted and remains steadfastly unspotted, then he is virtuous…that means there has to be a fight; you realize that all the power of God is behind you as you make the fight. You may be pure and unsullied for months, when all the sudden there will be the insinuation of an idea; grip it on the threshold of your mind in a vice instantly, and do not allow it any more…talk about it being a “soft” thing to be a follower of Jesus Christ! It is about the sternest and most heroic thing a man ever “struck” in his life to keep himself absolutely undefiled…”
