June 24, 2005
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June 16, 2005
Why does it seem like the days that are the most exhausting, pull-your-hair-out stress lead to the greatest eternal rewards? it must be part of that “In our weakness He is made strong” that is somewhere in 2 Corinthians.
Discipleship has been awesome. The girls will be dismissed and we will go around our table (with one broken leg that always falls over), pull up our chairs (after fighting for the big comfy ones), and open our Bibles. Sometimes it is just reading through and then re-reading it until everyone is focused. sometimes that takes along time. to actually understand the Word instead of letting it be words on a page. On Tuesday we were talking about witnessing, and since I do discipleship time pretty informally (I like for the girls to talk and get into it) so I had then “lead me to the Lord” while I was a total antagonistic and asking all these hard questions. Brittany finally said “Good grief, quit asking questions, you might as well go to hell if you want to that bad!” (We knew she was joking, so don’t worry). I told the director of the mission, Mr.Dan, that discipleship time was going super well and we talked about witnessing. And he quickly replied “so when are you going to do it?” and I think my stomach sank.
yep, me, Rachel, who has gone to NYC twice for evangelism, who has been trained and lead many children to the Lord STRONGLY BALKED at the idea of jumping in the car, rolling up to some place, and then…witnessing. and then bringing along a bunch of girls that would rather be any other place than standing right next to me? ugg. But, since I am even more intimidated by Mr.Dan and Mark 16:15, I of course answered simple “OK, I’ll take them tomorrow.”
Tomorrow came quickly (and was Wednesday), and as I prayed about it, there was a neighborhood that came to mind–Larwood, which is right near my church, and some of the kids from the youth center grew up there, so it was not some “stuck up white neighborhood.” (no offence meant, but that is what most of the south side is labeled by the kids at the youth center.) We took the John and Romans booklets we have coming out the wazoo at the youth center and marked the “Romans Road” verses, while the girls are like “so we are really going to do this? Do we have to? I don’t feel like this now!” Seven girls came, so we took Ms.Elizabeth’s van. On the way down I had each of the girls pray, and the air was very full of apprehension. We hopped out, buddied up, and went forth.
Amber and I talked to these girls on the merry-go-round. We had a “ticket to heaven” tract and they thought they were very neat. after talking alittle, they said they were Christians and were happy to meet us. We looked down the sidewalk and there were some adults on their porch. Amber goes “Go talk to them” and I flat out refused, saying I was scared. Amber was fine with that, so we walked about 50 feet when I realized it was what I needed to do (adults are scary!!!) and I gave them a flier I made about church. By this time we met up with the other girls who were talking with a group of ladies. One woman started giving us all hugs saying “oh, you guys are so wonderful! where are you from? if I had only been doing something like this when I was your age, but I had a fat belly from bein’ fast when I was young. you gotta go out there and get those fast girls and tell ‘em to stop, cuz they will listen to you…” All the girls are beaming by this time, and I praise the Lord for working a miracle.
We celebrated with milkshakes and talked about the time. Jasmine R. and Brittany got to pray with some ladies, and Jasmine Brown and Erika E. (who did not go to basic training because she is doing weekend training first) got to lead two little girls to the Lord. Each girl was excited and asking “so when do we get to go again?” wow. And then, after Bible study, two boys were also lead to the Lord.
Last week I took the Patterson’s swimming, and found out that Matt (their neighbor at their old house that I used to bring to church a couple times) had been taken away to live with relatives. His dad unexpectedly died, and so the children were dispersed. please pray for Matt and his family. he is 13.
Monday was a whole story in itself. We are sending kids to camp every Monday this month, so I braced myself for some crazy days. Monday means I show up for work, am given a list of children who live all across the city, and I am to go by there, pick them up, and bring them back in an hour. That would be pushing it in itself, but then there are always complications. let me explain these complications. The first place I stopped at were waiting for their friends to arrive. They had heard about the camp THAT MORNING, and were running around the neighborhood rounding up all the kids, who were stuffing their stuff into their bags. after getting four kids this way, I moved to the next place where these two itty-bitty girls ran up to the van to go to camp…without carrying anything. I looked down and said “where is your stuff?” to which they looked back incredulously. apparently, they did not realize that for a week long camp, some clothing and sleeping things were needed. ugg. So, I walked with them into their apartment, where their older brother (probably 13) says that his mom is gone, but he will help them pack. I use their phone to tell Ms.Elizabeth that I might be *alittle* late, and then hear the interesting account of them packing. I hear them moving around and then “but you need this! I don’t care–put it in there” every once in a while from the older brother. the girls finally come down (20 minutes later) with one plastic bag full of clothes, and a trashbag filled with blankets. this is going to be one interesting week of camp.
Thank the Lord that some nice people donated charter busses for the kids. last week they piled 60 kids on two old busses, riding with the windows and doors open because it was so hot and there was no air-conditioner. The charter busses had air-conditioning and DVD players (sweet). they put Ms.Elizabeth and I each on one bus to control the kids for the drivers. my bus had 44 kids–about 6 of which I knew. 38 hyper, unidentifiable kids for over three hours. Actually, it was not that bad. I identified the two girls and two boys that were trouble, isolated them the best I could (requiring that I sit–literally-sit on one of the guys), and then kept everyone else down to a dull roar. This week of Jr.Camp they have 125 kids. please pray for them–it must be pretty insane. I don’t even think they have 125 beds! last week there were 60+ kids, and 22 of them were saved, but the director said it was one of the worst (behavior wise) weeks ever.
I woke up yesterday scared. I am not sure why. I guess because I am leaving in two weeks for Brasil. another world and another life. I am leaving the security of knowing I fit in and am needed. yes, it is the call of adventure and my heart, but it is also the call to unrest. to where my soul is split and I am never really sure where I belong, or if, in leaving, I belong anyplace. I think it is the fear of not having a place to call mine. I will feel welcomed and loved, but I am still just another person coming in from the outside. it takes time. and am I willing to give of this precious commodity? I am leaving in God’s hands those I love. I am leaving my future of returning, safety, understanding, and communication. I know there will be times where there will not be a place set for me at the table. and there will be times I cry. that happens even here, but on this familiar territory, I have so many other places to turn. perhaps that is what is so wonderful about going–my recourses are limited to one–God. I want that and need that. but my weakness cries out. But am I here to sit back and relax? Do I face the sun with all its brightness, blinding me to any ground before me…and jump? of course I know the answer, and of course I am not turning back. God, help my unbelief.
I read this incredible book by C.S.Lewis called “The Four Loves.” (I also read one called “A Grief Observed,” but that book transcends quotes. it is written almost on another plane of reality–one that you only hit when you are in deep sorrow…whoa. if you want to be transported beyond today, read that book). In “The Four Loves” I found a quote that described the deep fellowship that I have sometimes…in sacred moments…that are the “golden sessions.”
“IN a perfect friendship this appreciative love is, I think, often so great and so firmly based that each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before all the rest. sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. he is lucky beyond deserts to be in such company. especially when the whole group is together, each bringing out all that is best, wisest, or funniest in all the others. those are the golden sessions, when 4 or 5 of us after a hard days walking have come to our inn, when our slippers are on, our feet spread out towards the blaze and our drinks at our elbows; when the whole world, and something beyond this world, opens itself to our minds as we talk; and no one has any claim on or any responsibility for another, but all are freemen and equals. As if we had first met an hour ago, while at the same time an affection mellowed by the years enfolds us. life–natural life–has no better gift to give. who could have deserved it?”
ahh.
Rachel
John 20:21 “So Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace to you! as the Father sent me, I also send you.” From my devotional: “In the Christian life it is never “Do, do,” but “Be, be, and I will do through you.” ”
