June 30, 2005

• I am having two distinct thoughts that somehow intertwine themselves together in harmony. paradoxes are what make life worth living. the first thought is this quote: “Wherever you are, be all there.” this has continually been on my mind as I prepare to leave for Brasil. Brasil fills my mind with all it’s joys and beauties and adventures. I will suddenly stop and think, “Agg! I am forgetting everything! nothing is ready!” then run around the house planning and doing all these little things that are so insignificant I wonder where my day went. then I go outside and look at the stars through the trees. I want to hold the moment. I want to memorize each lightningbug and each shadow. I am going forward to days that shall never return.

  
  

   

  
  

  I wonder if this pull–this tug for Brasil and this tug for home is normal. I wonder if it is a game and one side is supposed to win. I don’t want them to be pitted against each other–I want each to be loved and cherished–and to respect the other. To feel the joy and pain together when I move from one to the next. Who am I that I should have two worlds? but then again, I have three. is the tug and beauty and calling–and the pain–that I feel in transition what I should be feeling for my heavenly home? I think so. and I think in all my preparation, I have put my future home way in the future as I explore this new road on earth. No, it must not be so.

  
  

   

  
  

  Jonathon Edwards said “Pilgrims ponder what they pursue. Labor to be much acquainted with heaven. it you are not acquainted with it, you will not be likely to spend your life as a journey thither (ooh, isn’t that a nice word?). You will not be sensible of its worth, nor will you long for it.”

  
  

   

  
  

  So as I prepare to go and savor the moments at the same time, I seek Heaven too. sometimes I just shake my head and think “I don’t have enough time.” If the point is not just where you go, but how you get there, and being all where you are, I guess that means enjoying the beach during my layover in Miami, huh?:) Don’t worry, I will use much caution. but please do pray, as I will leave Miami late Friday night and land in Sao Paulo at 6:30 in the morning, just in time to go through customs…and sometimes customs can be tricky.

  
  

   

  
  

  Part of me wants to worry my head off, and the other part is looking forward to this adventure. I enjoy traveling…I enjoy getting to Brasil…and I want to enjoy getting to heaven…which is why I am going to Brasil. My family went camping last weekend and I was able to talk with my cousin, who served as a missionary in Indonesia. I was blessed and inspired by her wisdom. It was her husband that died in the plane crash last year, and there was beauty in her eyes when we talked about him. It made me remember some things. Things like why I am going to Brasil anyway. in lots of preparation, you forget that quickly.

  
  

   

  
  

  I was looking at life like “My word, I am leaving a job, I am not taking classes for a semester, I am not making any money, I am leaving my family, and I am emptying my bank account for half a year? is this sanity?” But when you remember to throw eternity in the  equation, things change. IF NOTHING ELSE, if the only thing that happens in this next six months is that I grow closer to the Lord–then it is success. it is worth it. it is something that I will treasure for ETERNITY. I remember I moment I had in January. I stood in my special place at the park above the creek and asked God “If this were my last year on earth, do you want me to spend half of it in Brasil?” And the peace in my heart spelled out a very clear “YES.” and you know what? that is enough.

  
  

   

  
  

  Please pray for my faithfulness. That is what I really seek to look back on this trip and know…that I was faithful in what God has already shown me to do. those little things. And please do keep praying for my kids at the youth center. I had a wonderful time with many of them, even with the crazy summer schedule, and I will miss them–laughing and crying with them. sometimes it is hard to know that their life will go on fine without me:).

  
  

   

  
  

  To tie up some loose ends, this is my last e-mail before I leave for Brasil, but my first e-mail focusing and beginning my trip to Brasil. That means that if you received this twice, you are probably on both of my e-mail lists to send my updates to. If you do not receive anything more, that means you are not on my Brasil list. E-mail me (at amobrasil99@hotmail.com )if you have any questions and all this is gibberish:). Otherwise, this letter and all the future ones will be at www.xanga.com/rwinzeler (as well as pictures as soon as I can figure out how to work it right!) for you to see. If you want to write me the slow way, which is always nice, the address is:

  
  

   

  
  

  Rachel Winzeler

  
  

  C/O Tele Moraes

  
  

  1253 Rua Dantas Barreto

  
  

  Nazare Da Mata, PE

  
  

  Brasil

  
  

  55800-000

  
  

   

  
  

  I am overwhelmed with the love and care I am given by all of you, my family, and most of all, my God. it is incredible. There are many unknowns in Brasil…including how often I will have internet access, but eventually I know I will, and then I will write a gazillion pages to catch you up…and by then you won’t have time to read them:). God bless you!

  
  

   

  
  

  Rachel

  
  

   

  
  

  “Deep in our hearts we know that we were not made to be made much of. We were made to make much of something great. The best joys are when we forget ourselves, enthralled with greatness. The greatest greatness is God’s.” –John Piper, Life as a Vapor”

  • 4:11 pm
  • 2 Comments