October 17, 2005
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My gosh it is like the middle of the month already. There is a guy singing outside my window—very off key. It is pretty scary. All the houses here are like attached. So I hear the neighbors fighting in the morning and singing off key at various times. And I have concluded that the very gross and unfriendly smell that walfs (what is that word again? Waifes? Waifs?) into my room at random times is not from my lovely family—that—smells—nice, but rather from the off-tune neighbors. I wonder how you say “air freshener” in Portuguese?
Anyways, it was the best of times, and the worst of times. Wednesday I went to the celebration of unity for the community churches. My word. One of the best days of my life. Then I got sick. Yuck. But anyways…it turns out Children’s day was officially on Wednesday, and on every children’s day all of the community churches get together at the Alconce for a day of unity, fellowship, eating…oh yeah, and futebol. I felt like I was on cloud nine. The church in Timbauba took a bus there to all go together, and boy was this a bus…everything passed us on the road, including the other buses! But it was fun and one of those bonding things…at the beginning of the trip I was sitting in the middle of the bus…by the end I was in the back, surrounded by all the kids, showing off my magic card tricks (yep, I know TWO) and taking silly pictures. Oh, I love life. We stepped off the bus to see tons of people (there was at least 300 people—over half of them being kids) that I knew from all the churches. I kept looking over my shoulder to see if it was real. To me, it was not just a party…it was a symbol. Here I could go anywhere…I would wander from the pool to the front, to the volleyball court to the futebol field…and it would be filled with laughing people—people who were my family in Christ—people who were there because God had done something special in their life through this ministry—THIS ministry that I was involved in—this ministry that I giving my life for. That God has called me to.
Bleh. I gotta stop writing for awhile because I had to take out my contacts and I don’t have my case or my glasses…so my contacts are in a cup while I PRAY I don’t forget and drink them and I cannot see worth beans. And the guy is still singing off key. And closing the window does nothing…in Brasil, everything is made to be open…for better or for worse.
They had a children’s program with puppets and skits, and then almost all the kids jumped right into the pool. Later they painted (supposedly the paper but mostly each other) and had a piñata—except it was with a pottery bowl and they spun the kids so much that you never knew where they were headed. The adults had a time of worship and then fellowshipped in different groups while having a futebol tournament. Some people got together and sang—I was a part of one of these groups, two guys playing the guitar and the rest of us singing (normally, me not having a clue what I was singing) and those moments were heaven. They are like food to the soul. My church won the tournament, by the way, so that was neato too.
I was always running around everywhere, going here and there like a butterfly. There is something about me that always tells me to keep moving—to keep looking—that just around the corner is something more—something perfect. I get the feeling this is good and bad. It pushes me on—but will I ever stop? Will I ever know when enough is enough? Will I pass up what is right for me for the illusion of something better? Bleh. There is my philosophical moment.
And then Thursday I woke up sick. Like “everything feels alittle off and yet nothing specific is wrong” kind of thing. Basically, I have just slept, ate, slept some more, watched a movie, and then slept the whole night. I did manage to still have English classes, and I went to church tonight, but not much else. Everyone was at first worried that I had Dingy (which is really spelled something like “Dengue”) fever, but so far I have not turned red with white spots like Pastor Josue, so I don’t think it is that. I don’t have my normal cold issues—runny nose, coughing…just the constant tiredness and ability to sleep half the day. So please do pray for me. This is my first time being sick this trip, so that is a blessing and everyone is very sweet and baby-ing me.
Get this: “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Phil.4:7 I never really thought about asking God for His PEACE to guard my heart…but I guess when I am walking in His peace, my heart is secure and my thoughts are complete—I am satisfied and cannot be tempted with anything other than God because I know it is a cheap substitute.
Open the door
Let life come rushing in
It blows in my eyes
I scream in terror
Because I cannot see
But I need this now
Nothing else will satisfy
The ocean to cover me
With my face lifted to the sky
Whatever comes will come
And I want to face it head on
Because the battle is on
Whether I flee or fight
And I darn well
Want to see what’s coming
I am sick of being
In my cowardly shell
Waiting for calamity to knock
Before I am aroused
I need this now
Nothing else will satisfy
The ocean to cover me
With my face lifted to the sky
Come if you must
Blow me through
If it is my time
But I want to know
I was looking you
In the face
Doing what I know was true
The battle rushes
I keep stumbling
And getting sidetracked
Point me in the right direction
I need this now
Nothing else will satisfy
The ocean to cover me
With my face lifted to the sky
