November 12, 2005
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I was buying my bus ticket when this little boy came up to me and asked me for money. I only had a 50$R bill (note to self: please ask Tele to give me smaller bills when he exchanges my money). I shook my head as another, older guy came up and asked for money. What am I, a magnet? Oh yeah, I forgot…I’m American. As I pull out my 50 (trying to be very unnoticeable) and pay for my ticket, the guy gives me my change VERY loudly as the man and the boy are pressing in closer…the boy was against my elbow and pressing me…Josue quickly pulled me out and I began to breathe again, and he walked me on the bus, making sure they didn’t follow. Thank God for that man. I don’t know…should I have given the boy some money? I had it to give…so anytime I actually have some money, should I give it? is that really going to help? Is it just going to help them with their habit? Is it going to give them hope? Should I do it since I am not willing to take that boy, give him a home, and set him straight? Should I give a bit to ease my conscience because I am not doing more? All these questions fly at me every time I see someone begging for money…which is quite a lot (now that I understand Portuguese enough to know what is going on around me). I haven’t settled this in my brain. I just don’t know. Today I was watching this group of girls (with perfect bodies) and I was like “God, that ain’t fair!” and then they pass to reveal this man with one huge swollen foot and one arm, extra long and hanging limp. And God said “no Rachel, it isn’t fair, is it?” okay, no more whining. And then the man came over and asked me for money. Argg. I refuse to give money because I feel guilty. I want to give because I know I am supposed to. But then again, I don’t want to NOT give because I am confused, I want to NOT give because I know it is right or wrong. Where is the black and white here? This is where I need my dad to say “Rachel, Honey, do this because I said so” and then my conscience feels perfectly fine…like when my dad told me not to pick up hitchhikers—ever since then I don’t feel guilty when I pass one of those guys with the sign “please help—God bless.”
We stopped at a gas station and there was a can of Pringles. It was so old that the colors were faded on the container. Yuck. And it was displayed all by itself (probably the only can the had) and it cost $14R (about 6.50$ US) oh yeah. On the other had, we were able to take a ride in this sailboat thing, snorkel in a natural reef, and feed fish for over an hour for $8R each. Two rides or a can of stale Pringles. Hmm. Oh yeah, and Big Macs are $10R here. That’s why when I go out to eat, I go to the places with a steak dinner ($3-7R) instead of McDonalds. McDs is for rich people.
I can communicate just about anything now in Portuguese. Because I have found there are so many ways of saying things. I mean, you memorize the basics, and then use those words over and over in different combinations to get your point across. But I have found the very important things you need to say…well, there is only one way to say them. Things like “I love you” or “I am proud of you.” Those are the ones I gotta memorize.
