Random thoughts.
I have decided that I totally underestimate myself. I am the center of the universe after all. No, but seriously, I have found that humor is a good thing to hide your insecurities and fear of failing behind.
I stole this thought from a friend…but I changed a couple words so it does not count: “I envy the person I could be but choose not to be.” I want to be so much more.
When you surrender things you don’t have to stress about them. When you start stressing again it is a sign you took them off the alter of surrender.
Ivy is dancing around the house. Her futebol team just scored another goal. Josue is getting grumpy. It is against his team.
I now know enough Portuguese to have theological discussions. Unfortunately, I have forgotten the five points of Calvinism and so I cannot remember what I believe and what I don’t.
When you hug a person, you are supposed to put your head one direction and they the other direction. I always manage to smash my face by going the wrong way. Oh well. Hugs are dangerous anyways.
Karine (or a ghost) enjoys turning off the hot water every time I get in the shower. This is an evil way of messing with my mind.
Wednesday was the “Day of the Dead” in Brasil. We played futebol insteadJ.
I now have had dreams in Portuguese. I woke up long enough to remember the proper conjugation of the verb. Those are called nightmares.
I tried “Guarana do Amazonas” juice from the Amazon and it tastes like peanut butter and jelly in a glass. It looks like it too.
To hide from myself I have to hide from God—and that is just too stinkin hard.
The secret to being satisfied is not being selfish. The secret to not being selfish is to be too busy serving others and having other passions consume you—namely knowing God and making Him known.
I read Lamentations 3 and the first half of the chapter I thought God should zap him (Jeremiah) with lightning because he was blaming, ranting, and raving at God. But not only does God let Jeremiah get away with it, he also sticks it as inspired Word of God. Wow. And then while he is ranting about how God is skinning him alive—he cries out to God. Because ya know, no matter what our silly little mouths say, we have this deep knowing that no matter how much it hurts, no matter what it costs—“Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” That if Christ were not resurrected and the Bible true, we are “above all men to be pitied.” All our eggs are in one basket. No second option. And the comes (in Lamentations 3) some of the deepest praise and adoration…
“They (His mercies) are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I hope in Him! The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly…for a man (woman) to bear the yoke in his (her) youth…There may yet be hope…for the Lord will not cast off forever…”
Because God, I can’t hide from you. It would be to deny my own immortal soul.
We hope for what we trust in. oh yeah. That is an original “Rachel” quote. I think.
“I never knew the dusk could break my heart. So much longing folding in. I’d give years away to have you here. To know I can’t lose you again.” –Fernando Ortega
I called my family and my brother said “Oh Rachel I miss you. But I am glad you are in Brasil so you can tell those kids about Jesus.” I could only choke out a “oh Johnny, I am glad I am here too.” He is gonna change the world someday, and I am gonna watch him and smile.
It was my sister’s birthday yesterday. If she wasn’t my sis, I’d have to be very jealous of her because she is so lovely and beautiful and wonderful.
So much praise is given on Sundays…I wonder how much of it is really pleasing to God.
I find it funny how I am always so surprised when I ask a question—and God answers.
About Brasil? Life was good this week. I felt like it was home. I felt like I was loved—more than I deserved. I got a lot of little things done, I studied a lot of Portuguese, I played some futebol and realized my feet move faster than my brain but then they don’t do the right thing…and now it is another Sunday and God is good.
Rachel
here is another song i wrote that night i could not sleep…i should have insomnia more often.
Verse 1:
I see admiration
In your eye
Looking at me like I’m
The sun, the stars, the sky
Now what do you
Expect of me
Who is it that
You think me to be
Chorus:
Because if I am only
Who I am
Because of what you say
Then who am I
When I am only
Me
Verse 2:
Deeper than your eyes
Can see
Is why you turned
To look at me
For it is God
Who first loved me
It is God
Who’s making me free
Chorus:
Because if I am only
Who I am
Because of what you say
Then who am I
When I am only
Me
Bridge:
I am because He is
He is all I need
I am because He is
He is all I need
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