Month: December 2005

  • Okay. Sorry. Let’s go back in time…I didn’t get to send this before.


    I’m sittin’ in the corner of Miami International Airport. I have waited so long for this day…I have said the date so many times…it feels unreal to be in it. so I buckled down and bought water…it was like three bucks—the same price I paid to get my manicure and pedicure—dude that is not fair. US dollars seemed like play money. The flight went fine except I always manage to sit next to the screaming child. This time, the child saw my tic-tacs and turned her attention to them…I was willing to humor the child
    (anything for peace) but the mother said no…so then I had the child screaming at me. yuck. Eww. I just saw on CNN that it is 19 degrees in Indy. I’m already freezing sitting here in the air conditioned Miami. And as beautiful and exotic as a palm tree with lights is…I can’t wait to see the “real thing” at home.


    Tuesday Josues’ family and I went to see Narnia. They switched showings on us, so we wound up seeing the movie in Portuguese. The cool part was that I understood the whole movie. Wednesday night we had the first ever N.A. for youth. N.A. (which I really have no idea what it stands for) is the in home small group meetings. Last week we had so many kids show up that Josue decided to split it up into youth and women. Yep, in Brasil there seems to be the same epidemic as we have in the US—lack of men in the church. But Josue is praying for a men’s group to start too. The teens came to the house and we played Bible trivia—girls vs. boys. Quite funny. When given the option of Joshua, David, or Abraham for writing Psalms 23, Diego stood up with total confidence on his face, pointed his finger at Josue, and firmly said the answer was “Joshua.” The girls got the last laugh on that game.


    Thursday all my boys and everyone hung out around the house all day. It was goofy. And fun. And I loved it. They set up an extra futebol practice so that I could play one last time. Nice. And I got all the girls to play too—even Ivy, who turned out to be superwoman, scoring three goals. I scored a goal too…and this one I am SURE was real because everyone was as surprised about it as I was. *grin* and I got the shiner on my knee for a suveneer.


    I turned the corner and stepped up into the church that night only to find the whole church there…for me. They took the whole Bible class time to pray for me, my family, my trip, my needs…wow. I looked at these people who I’d grown to love and…unbelieveable. They got these amazing cakes and had presents for me…After all the goodbyes were said I found Messinho and Raul on the steps outside. They were crying. Josue came and made them laugh by making fun of them and was like “gosh, she is coming back in February…but then, maybe you should cry because we don’t know…her plane could blow up or she could get in a car wreck…” Thanks Josue. I feel really comforted.


    It really made me realize the power of influence. The power I really didn’t know I’d had. I didn’t do anything special during my time here in Brasil. No heroics, no blisters on my hands…I simply lived with God. And made many mistakes. And got back up. and enjoyed learning new stuff. And God did some amazing things. Things I could never—and never would want to—take credit for. All glory to Him. And how cool that He let me see it happen.


    February is coming quick. Yeah.


    I stepped off the plane to see my family and then some people from church—very cool…then Joi came up to me. Joi from the youth center. My first thought was that she’d just happened to be there…but hey, I know my kids, and as they told me “Black people don’t go on no planes” A whole van load came to see me! it was more than I could imagine. I believe I was in hyper mode for the rest of the evening and never touched the ground. We went to the church where the kids played basketball…it was so very like normal that it made me smile. I was home long enough to dump my suitcases and eat Christmas goodies at my house and the neighbor’s. I love Christmas parties. So much food. It was snowing the whole evening, making it white and cheery. Home.


    I opened up all my mail and got another surprise. Not a good one. I had bank statement after bank statement…with purchases I’d never made. The last one, from November, was telling me that I was overdrawn and was going to be charged 6$ a day (making over 100$ in fines by the time I got into the country). Yep. Over $700 stolen from my bank account. The same $700 that was going to use that day to pay for my school bill. The nice bank lady said that it looked like someone randomly found the numbers to my debt card and had a holiday. At my expence. So yeah, if I wasn’t asking God for the faith to trust Him for the money to return to Brasil…I am asking for more faith now.


    I got to see many friends on Monday (and drove my car. Smile) and started packing at 8:30am on Tuesday—we left at 10:00am for the airport. John’s first ride on the airplane. We arrived at my Aunt and Uncle’s house in time for John to go bonkers over the incredible train set my Uncle has. And this is quite a train set. Now to keep John from breaking it while we are here.


    We left Early Wednesday for Disneyland and returned Christmas Eve. It was awesome. And I must say that the little leash thing Dad bought for John and I is one of the best inventions ever. I went everywhere with John…but he was leading me…not the other way around. I got some looks from people who were thinking I was inhumane…but most of the time people just smiled and asked me where I’d gotten it so they could get one.


    I was sitting on one of the parades wondering how only one week before I’d been in Brasil. Nothing has really felt weird…except for my annoying habit of forgetting that in the US you can flush toilet paper down the toilet (in Brasil you can’t). There was a confused-looking Asian family that I tried to help out by speaking Portuguese with…it didn’t help. I feel half-embarrassed that I have slid back into the US so easily.


    I would tell you about my lovely time in Disneyland, but I’d hate to make you jealous…but I must say…guess who got to eat INSIDE the Pirates of the Caribean ride? Yummy. I also got a picture with the White Witch from Narnia. She is freaky. John would not go near her.


    Christmas. So do we need a full-blown holiday to make us stop and enjoy each other? And for most of America, it has been so long since we’ve stopped and just been together that we do not know how to do it anymore…so things are awkward. So flip the switch for the TV again…it seems to be the only place left to hide.


    Christmas is about giving that costs you. Giving that makes no sense and pays nothing back. Giving that is done to appease the conscience doesn’t cut it. It has been along time since I have given a gift like that. I gave a lot of nice presents…present that took time and effort—but sacrifice? We went to church and while we were singing a man came up and gave John a real nice toy. It was out of the blue. And it made me cry. When I found out that the man was the pastor, I was ready to listen to anything that man wanted to say. That is Christmas. That is love. That is how you gain an audience.


    Yikes…went to art museums (with John…rather interesting) and saw some Rembrants. it feels like you step into something sacred when you enter a room with a Rembrant. i am serious. Today was Legoland. seriously made out of legos. John was in heaven. We are still using a leash.


    “He will quiet you with His love” Zephaniah 3:17


     

  • Tagged. Gosh Lesley…:) so what is up with you and Tahiti? not that i am questioning your sanity…

    49

    7 things to do before I die

    1. Go sky diving/hang gliding

    2. Spend a ton of money and NOT feel guilty

    3. Learn how to build a house

    4. Really be able to express myself…consistently

    5. Go on a road trip to see all the amazing people in my life that i can only communicate with by e-mail

    6. Bench press 200

    7. Hear God say “well done“

    7 things I cannot do

    1. Congugate correct Portuguese verbs

    2. Drive a stick shift (i am SOOOO gonna learn)

    3. Watch scary movies. this is a big no-no.

    4. Burp on command. darn it.

    5. Stay mad at my family or friends for very long

    6. Make my tongue do weird cool things

    7. Make people change. (well that was a depressing thought)

    7 things I say most often

    1. Huh?

    2.So how are you and God?

    3. Que Isso? (“what the heck?“)

    4. Do you speak English?

    5. Legal (“cool“)

    6. Poop (but yes mom, i know you don´t like that potty word so i am working on it. i now know how to say it in Portuguese *grin*)

    7. BRASIL

    7 books I love

    1. Narnia…all of C.S.Lewis

    2. Anne of Green Gables…all of L.M.Montgomery

    3. Little Men…all of L.M.Alcott

    4. Heaven…all of Randy Alcorn

    5. Wild a Heart…all of John Eldredge

    6. Authentic Beauty…all of Leslie Ludy

    7. Bible…all of…never mind:)

    7 movies I could watch over and over again

    1. Narnia (i just watched it in Portuguese. very cool)

    2. Little Women

    3. Newsies (all those musicals…)

    4. Anne of Green Gables/Christy series

    5. Mulan (only the best Disney Cartoon ever)

    6. Ever After

    7. Remember the Titans

    7 things that make me happy

    1. Watching someone do something nice for someone else/seeing something beautiful

    2. Making someone else happy–seeing their face light up again

    3. Having a moment with God/dreaming of heaven

    4. Driving my car with the windows down, hand out the window, music up, singing as loud as i want

    5. Anything with Marajuca (Passion Fruit), the beach, palm trees, and sun (so basically that would be…BRASIL)

    6. Knowing i am doing the right thing

    7. Knowing i´ll see/seeing my family on Sunday and giving lots of long-awaited hugs

    7 people I tag

    1. Anna (my sister who i know will never do this..grr)

    2. Rachel Jones (A.K.A. “little Rachel“`who is stinkin getting married before me–lol)

    3. Myssi (because i know i´d enjoy reading the weird things she´d think of)

    4. Elaine (oh dear…did you already do it? can´t remember!!!)

    5. Erin (unless you already did it…darn it…what fun is tagging people when they´ve already been tagged?)

    6. Elizabeth (so how is life?)

    7. YOU. because you know you´ve been trying to avoid this tagging thing because it looks a million pages long…

  • yes. i know this is December 14th. 11 more shopping days…but since i am dealing with international affairs (ohhh, that sounded good), i thought i´d better be safe and send this early. my official prayer/report/christmas letter. for you…to hopefully read:).


    ********


    I have a lot to share. Not only is this my Christmas letter, but also my report on my trip to Brasil, and my letter about returning to Brasil for another six months in 2006. Let’s just say that it’s a God thing.


    Last January I sat next to a creek and asked God that if this was my last year on earth, was what I was planning (six months working at the youth center and going to school and then six months in Brasil) pleasing to Him and living life to the fullest. He said yes.


    Amid a spring semester of going to three colleges (a community college, state college, and Bible college) having an internship at a preschool, and working at the youth center with my kids, I enjoyed finding time to chat with God. Whether walking five extra blocks in the rain because IUPUI never has parking spots, reading a story to preschoolers, or driving a van that has no horn, the moment became something beautiful when I shared it with my Father. My quote was “Wherever you are, be all there.”


    I was enjoying life so much sometimes I questioned my sanity in leaving it all. My family, my job, my car, my friends…my income, my independence, my ability to communicate—to spent six months of my life in Brasil. Sure I loved Brasil—but was it worth the cost?


    I continued on in the peace that God had given me in the beginning of the year.
    I knew I would miss being able to share my life, my dreams, and my love with others and to see them grow, but I knew that even if just to spend time with God and know Him better, my time in Brasil would be worthwhile.


    God took me, my fears, and my insecurities and spun miracles into life.  Everything I left, God provided more: God gave me the incredible close friendship and fellowship with Karine, and later, with others who would also become “my kids” as wherever in the world I seem to be, I adopt family members. He also gave me a new ministry…teaching English. And as I mastered the bus system, I felt the joys of independence, even if I did still miss my car. God showed me that I could have a powerful ministry to those back home through prayer, and most of all, I heard His voice and saw His direction for my life. Oh, and I learned some Portuguese along the way as well.


    August 12, 2005 I received my calling to Brasil…err, actually it was in the fall of ‘99, but it took me until then to be ready to understand and commit to it. yikes. I had known that I loved Brasil and wanted to be a part of it, but my fear of the unknown and knowing my limitations and inadequacies had held me back from making any definite decisions.


    I still feel unworthy of the great calling of being a “missionary”, and shy away from using the term that puts me in the category of Amy Carmichael, Jim Elliot, and Hudson Taylor. “God does not call the equipped, but equips the called.” For me it is simply continuing on with the journey and adventure of living life with God—I just happen to live an hour away from the beach now. *grin*
    So as 2005 passes, I lay my head down on my pillow and smile in the darkness. God is good. So have a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Life’s a trip.


    *****About this trip:


    I don’t know how God does it. He just works in ways you’d never imagine and after He is done you shake your head and go, “Oh. So it could work out. Never would have thought of that. All that worrying for nothing.” I thought that a lot.


    My first month in Brasil we had a medical clinic and English camp with the help of some awesome fellow North Americans (these trips are, by the way, open to YOU. You should go. Yeah. Come see my world.)


    After that life settled down and I lived at the seminary, learning Portuguese and learning that yeah, God was calling me to Brasil. Full time. For life. Or until He says otherwise. The seminary is full of incredibly devoted people who inspire me. I loved living there and am excited to live there next trip (as it is also where the International School will be—a gorgeous hotel complete with futebol field and pool)


    In September I was shipped off to Timbuktu (err….Timbauba…a city 45 minutes away) to live with a Brasilian family and finally conquer some of those Portuguese verb conjugations. Living with the pastor of the church there I quickly found lots of love, a church family, and adopted brothers who  filled my life with bruises, thumb war and “futebol.“ Every week I took a trip on the bus (oh the POWER of it all!) and taught English at the seminary and in Timbauba to whoever happened to show up.


    I would then spend the night with the Moraes family, catching up on speaking English, and wondering if there was anyone else in the world so lucky as I was to have so many people love me and let me sleep in their houses, consuming their food. Wow.


    *****About next trip:


    So what is up with this? Yep, I am headed back again. Right now I only have a tourist visa that allows me to be in Brasil for 180 days a year. In February, The International Academy is starting, and they need teachers. And I need to learn more Portuguese (will I ever be satisfied?) while I work out if I can receive a student or work visa to stay in Brasil for a full missionary term.


    I already have many invitations (and expectations) to teach more English, and this will be my last chance to spend time in Brasil as an intern before I return to the US begin all the official missionary things. Above all other reasons, I feel God’s peace and joy in this plan and want to follow His leading wholeheartedly.


    I am going to need $350 a month plus a plane ticket (can you believe I have to pay social security? What the heck?) and I am also working on taking (and paying for) some classes over the internet in the spring. The goal is to finish my teaching degree this year (seven more classes) and raise support to return to Brasil ASAP (2007) as an official missionary. So yes, please pray. This is mind-boggling to me.


    The church planting ministry of Alcance Brasil is a work of God. The ten (and counting) churches are growing and beginning new ministries, whether it be the seminary, to train new leaders; the Living Stones, to reach out to needy children; or the International Academy, reaching the middle and upper class children.


    When I see the love and dedication of Tele and his family, the pastors, and my brothers and sisters in Christ…I know this is something I want to be a part of and want to give my life for. And this is the next step.


    *****just your friendly reminder:


    God is good. oh, and Merry Christmas

  • Feijoada…with REAL Coke.

    okay. here is one smile for you…i wish you coulda seen all the rest of them…

    This cracks me up. This is KK and Sarah from the US, with Diego and Messinho on the outside, shyly trying to flirt. they kept using me as the translater of their dear affections. of course i did a lousy job on purpose. it was rather fun. the girls were cool. Hugo went to kiss Sarah on the cheek (typical Brasilian greeting) and she backed away, wondering what this guy was doing…so then Raul got smart and ASKED her if he could kiss her on the cheek…funny.

  • this is the one spot available and FOR SALE for the home of the new church of Laoga De Itanga. pray for that.

    we´re so cute

    this is the God-thing that just happened–the Café Impresso (we were given this building free of rent for the place)

    my English class at the Alcance…enjoying some s´mores roasted over the oven.

    this is the beloved Jambo tree, and Sivio climbed up the abandoned bathroom or whatever it is and is using the stick thingy to get the Jambo for the kids.

    the party for the kids was awesome. we also had a pinata (spell?). this game is so dangerous! the kids kept swinging on the crowd…when they finally broke the pot, the kids dove head first (NOT joking) for the candy. serious stuff.

  • Did you know that in Portuguese there is only one letter different in the words “winter” and “hell”? Just thought you would like to know. I manage to mix them up. Always. Imagine that.


     


    I went to the Alcance thinking it was a week like any other. You know how sometimes you are going along your merry way and suddenly you smell something. It is so wonderful it makes you stop everything else and follow the smell. It grows stronger and stronger until you are sure you have reached the source and you never want it to end but you know your nose cannot go on smelling it forever? That pretty well explains my weekend.


     


    I got to the Alcance and found out there was a group of nine Americans there…I’d heard rumors that sometime this weekend someone was arriving, but I knew nothing more. You now…there are so many lovely things about American culture. Like the instant bond you have with them from speaking English…and loud laughing (I am so glad not to be the only one) and frank, friendly openness. I like these things. A lot. I hadn’t even realized that I’d missed them.


     


    Thursday was my last English class and so we celebrated with the last s’mores (that I’d successfully hidden since July, praying to God that marshmallows don’t grow mold) and Luciana made me a cake. Even my friend Susy Danielle (who I met in ’99) came to see me.


     


    That night we had worship. Worship in English is GOOD. Good good. I am always amazed at how God fills the needs I have right when I need them—even before I realize that I needed it. Friday morning we were all waiting to see what our orders for the way were when we began an impromptu to worship session that lasted well over an hour. It was in Portuguese and English and it was awesome.


     


    I ate lunch at Felipe’s grandma’s house and decided I would try everything…including the unidentifiable meat dish. After understanding there was heart and intestines in there…and seeing the liver…I took a bite waiting for the moment where I would need to grab my water glass…and it never came. Oh dear. I cannot believe I confessed that it didn’t taste bad…what is happening to my taste buds? Talking with them about God stuff is so great—it was all in Portuguese and in a different language it seems to be a whole new story…I guess there are advantages to learning another language. 


     


    And I must say…there are some very cool Americans in this worldJ. I really enjoyed getting to know everyone that came on the trip. Wow. When I start to write about Saturday…a warm fuzzy feeling comes over me. In the morning we had a party for the Living Stones program (all the poorer kids from three churches). They had mime and puppets and water balloons and relays and a treasure hunt….then sat everyone down for feijoada (the traditional beans and rice and unidentifiable meat dish). Nathan and Amanda were so cool. They went back and traded the cheap cola for the authentic Coca-cola because “These kids are special and need the real deal.” To see these people come to Brasil and honor these children in little extra ways like that meant so much to me. Afterwards was ice cream, which turned into soup—but was still consumed by the sticky, smiley kids.


     


    Giving presents was awesome. Saturday was truly my Christmas day with more holiday spirit than two feet of snow and eggnog can provide. I walked around, trying to capture the joy in my camera and save it for a rainy day. This is the stuff true life is made up out of. The group had brought a bag for each child with toys, school stuff, and hygiene items. The kids kept asking me what the deodorant was (since the cheap deodorant in Brasil this weird crème stuff in a jar). I have been here long enough to know just how much this small bag of stuff means to these children.


     


    After cleaning up and a couple more trips to the Jambo tree (which the group from the US loves alsoJ), Tele called me into the office with Gary, Frank, and Wes (who all work with World Renewal International…which is, if you didn’t know, our mission organization). They wanted to know my heart for Brasil, my goals, and prayer requests. I shared and then they prayed. Wow. They prayed for money issues—raising support, for my family and how amazing they are, for when I return and all the changes, for Visa issues…everything that was on my heart—spoken and unspoken—was directly prayed for. It touched me and moved me in those secret places of the heart. Afterwards Gary blessed me—quoting Numbers 6:24-26. Powerful. The time did something. I’m not sure exactly what, but it is like something settled inside me. When my head begins to swirl with things going on…and coming up in the future, something says “hey, everything’s gonna be alright, because it’s already been prayed for.” It was the kind of prayer where you know beyond anything God heard it and already answered it.


     


    Saturday night we had an outreach in the center of Carpina. An outreach is simply where we grab all the band equipment, set it up downtown, and start singing. When some people stop, Tele preaches—or translates for one of the Americans. Simple. Yet amazing. I ended up singing in Portuguese and English (yeah, how cool is that?) as well as being the music stand (hey, Brasil is about improvising). After the gospel presentation I saw a girl with her little sister and felt led to talk with them…feeling all the regular fear of sharing the gospel on top of my fear of speaking Portuguese with strangers, but it went well and I got a hug from my sisters in the Lord afterwards. I’ll tell you what—outreaches are TWICE as cool when you can speak the language. I was so pumped.


     


    Sunday was in Timbauba and my boys that I’d been teaching here had been practicing to sing  “Shout to the Lord” in English. After finding out that “Real” Americans were going to be there, they almost backed out, but decided to humor me—and it ended up being wonderful. I gotta share with you about these guys. I started with teaching English and ended up being adopted as their sister—having chances to goof off, play around, teach them, and encourage them in the Lord. One day Josue came up to me and said “Do you realize you are doing my job for me?” smile. God just plopped those opportunities in my life. And I love ‘em. Being there with them, hearing them sing in English (even if two of them ARE completely tone deaf), and realizing how I’d seen them grow in God these past months—what an incredible feeling. They all have made decisions to be baptized next year. Just before church ended Josue called me to the front and they all prayed for me.


     


    I must be the most internationally prayed for person ever. I am so unworthy. To me it was like my church here sending me off to the US—just as my church in the US prayed for me as they sent me to Brasil. We are one body, working together toward one goal. God’s glory. And you know what? Everything’s gonna be all right because it’s already been prayed for.


     


    I cannot look you in the eye and say this but…”The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26


     


    Yeah. So I leave Saturday. December 17th. Arrive the 18th. Leave for California the 20th. Mom, don’t forget to bring a coat to the airport because all I have is a sweater. Ouch. I can almost imagine the cold. Almost.

  • My world


    Is crashing


    Shaking


    Scaring me


     


    Things thrown at me


    Faster than I can


    Digest them


    I need to stop


    And think


    But time refuses


     


    I walk forward


    In confusion


    Living without


    Knowing


     


    Because the answers


    Are so far gone


    I can’t even find


    Their questions


     


    Life is hard


    Life is unfair


    Everywhere I turn


    I see another broken life


    I can’t take it anymore


    I want to close my eyes


    I want to help


    But the problems only grow


     


    Where will it end


    At heaven’s gates


    Speed the process


    Your will be done


    On earth as in heaven


    Bring heaven down


    Or bring me there


     


    Why can’t everyone else


    Solve their own problems


    So I can concentrate


    And deal with my own


     


    How can I live today


    When the moments


    Fly past me


    Refusing to be caught


    Refusing to be understood


     


    Tomorrow I need to think


    Today I am too exhausted


    But do I have that time


    Or will it become yesterday

  • Sacrificing your head for futebol still turns my stomach. It¡¦s just not normal. They have set up Christmas decorations in Carpina. Made entirely out of 2 litter bottles. Yes, it is very cool. Aren¡¦t you jealous?

    On Sunday I went with Ricardo to Laogo De Itaenga, one of the new church plants. They¡¦d had a big outreach there, and now have four homes that they weekly visit and have church/discipleship sessions with whoever happens to be there. The first place was just a lady and her kids. We sang some songs and then Ricardo shared from Luke. I sat back and just thought, ¡§Yeah, this is how it is done. This is how the church grows.¡¨ The second house was on a hill so steep I was sure Ricardo¡¦s emergency brakes would never hold up when we parked. I opened the door to¡Ksewer. Now, I have gotten used to seeing ¡§wet something¡¨ running down the street and I know to stay away from it, but this was different¡Kit was full and dripping and everywhere. Kids seemed to come from out of nowhere and soon we had a small corner of someone¡¦s house stuffed with people¡Kand flies. Flies that made sewer footprints across me. I could not ignore the smell, or the heat made stronger by so many people in a small space.

    One girl really caught my eye. She was bright and energetic and when Ricardo said it was time to leave she protested with ¡§What? Already?¡¨ He told me that she was the girl he had given my extra clothes to. I felt honored. When Ricardo was sharing from 1st John, he said something about brothers and sisters in Christ. I looked at her glowing grin and imagined what it will be like in heaven with her¡Kwith no more ragged cloths or sewer or language gap, or education gap, or culture gap. I cannot wait to get to know the real her that is hidden under all this world¡¦s ugliness thrust upon her shoulders.

    We drove out of town, things swirling in my head. I¡¦d been to poor houses, but not like this. And I felt dirty and tired and ashamed I¡¦d noticed. We passed the rolling sugar cane hills and the beauty overwhelmed me and filled the void made from the bleakness of before. I started asking Ricardo about his trip to the US, and then I thought of the US. Before I could stop them, tears came angrily down my face. It is not fair. The difference in living conditions is irreconcilable. There are no answers. Nothing for me to nicely tell you to end the day on a high note.

    I asked Ricardo how he could go to the US and see how much people had when he is scrimping to find enough gas money to continue to go to Laoga De Itaenga¡Xwho don¡¦t have a church to meet in. He said he understood the culture difference. I said culture had nothing to do with it¡Xwe chose to spoil ourselves. He said that our government was founded on godly principles and God blessed that. I said that these people shouldn¡¦t be blamed for their founding fathers just as we don¡¦t deserve to be blessed because of ours. He said that he was glad we were blessed so we could give and bless them as much as we had¡Xand that he would continue to pray that God would bless us more. I was broken.

    Anger is no more of an answer than denial is. I don¡¦t have the answers¡XI cannot explain¡Xbut can I trust that God is in control? Ricardo invited me to come help in Laoga De Itaenga more when I return to Brasil. Wow.

    Some more changes happened in my US life and left me in pieces. Change is one thing when you can feel and see and work through it. It is entirely another thing when you hear about it over a cracking telephone life or a read it on a computer screen. I feel like I am turning another page of my life. Growing up and shouldering responsibility. Learning that life isn¡¦t easy and never will be. Doing things that I know are right when I don¡¦t feel like doing them. Knowing that the answers keep running farther away and on some things I¡¦ll never know or have the right answers. But still getting up each morning to embrace the day the Lord has made. Still finding beauty when it hurts. Being grateful for the grief that draws me close to the heart of God. Living this moment with God. Worshipping God¡Xworship that transcends this world and raises my eyes to the heavens. Life is more than me. Thank God.

    Psalm 138:3 “In the day when i cried out, you answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.“