December 6, 2005
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Sacrificing your head for futebol still turns my stomach. It¡¦s just not normal. They have set up Christmas decorations in Carpina. Made entirely out of 2 litter bottles. Yes, it is very cool. Aren¡¦t you jealous?
On Sunday I went with Ricardo to Laogo De Itaenga, one of the new church plants. They¡¦d had a big outreach there, and now have four homes that they weekly visit and have church/discipleship sessions with whoever happens to be there. The first place was just a lady and her kids. We sang some songs and then Ricardo shared from Luke. I sat back and just thought, ¡§Yeah, this is how it is done. This is how the church grows.¡¨ The second house was on a hill so steep I was sure Ricardo¡¦s emergency brakes would never hold up when we parked. I opened the door to¡Ksewer. Now, I have gotten used to seeing ¡§wet something¡¨ running down the street and I know to stay away from it, but this was different¡Kit was full and dripping and everywhere. Kids seemed to come from out of nowhere and soon we had a small corner of someone¡¦s house stuffed with people¡Kand flies. Flies that made sewer footprints across me. I could not ignore the smell, or the heat made stronger by so many people in a small space.
One girl really caught my eye. She was bright and energetic and when Ricardo said it was time to leave she protested with ¡§What? Already?¡¨ He told me that she was the girl he had given my extra clothes to. I felt honored. When Ricardo was sharing from 1st John, he said something about brothers and sisters in Christ. I looked at her glowing grin and imagined what it will be like in heaven with her¡Kwith no more ragged cloths or sewer or language gap, or education gap, or culture gap. I cannot wait to get to know the real her that is hidden under all this world¡¦s ugliness thrust upon her shoulders.
We drove out of town, things swirling in my head. I¡¦d been to poor houses, but not like this. And I felt dirty and tired and ashamed I¡¦d noticed. We passed the rolling sugar cane hills and the beauty overwhelmed me and filled the void made from the bleakness of before. I started asking Ricardo about his trip to the US, and then I thought of the US. Before I could stop them, tears came angrily down my face. It is not fair. The difference in living conditions is irreconcilable. There are no answers. Nothing for me to nicely tell you to end the day on a high note.
I asked Ricardo how he could go to the US and see how much people had when he is scrimping to find enough gas money to continue to go to Laoga De Itaenga¡Xwho don¡¦t have a church to meet in. He said he understood the culture difference. I said culture had nothing to do with it¡Xwe chose to spoil ourselves. He said that our government was founded on godly principles and God blessed that. I said that these people shouldn¡¦t be blamed for their founding fathers just as we don¡¦t deserve to be blessed because of ours. He said that he was glad we were blessed so we could give and bless them as much as we had¡Xand that he would continue to pray that God would bless us more. I was broken.
Anger is no more of an answer than denial is. I don¡¦t have the answers¡XI cannot explain¡Xbut can I trust that God is in control? Ricardo invited me to come help in Laoga De Itaenga more when I return to Brasil. Wow.
Some more changes happened in my US life and left me in pieces. Change is one thing when you can feel and see and work through it. It is entirely another thing when you hear about it over a cracking telephone life or a read it on a computer screen. I feel like I am turning another page of my life. Growing up and shouldering responsibility. Learning that life isn¡¦t easy and never will be. Doing things that I know are right when I don¡¦t feel like doing them. Knowing that the answers keep running farther away and on some things I¡¦ll never know or have the right answers. But still getting up each morning to embrace the day the Lord has made. Still finding beauty when it hurts. Being grateful for the grief that draws me close to the heart of God. Living this moment with God. Worshipping God¡Xworship that transcends this world and raises my eyes to the heavens. Life is more than me. Thank God.
Psalm 138:3 “In the day when i cried out, you answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.“
