For my Brasilian amigos…this is snow, my car, my front yard, my brother, and the back legs of my dog. Yes, we do dog sledding. sorta. (it is over 100 degrees in Brasil right now…)

awww. the youth center guys basketball team. L to R: Chris, Larry, Vladi, Mr.Nathan,Milton, Alan, Alex, Mr.Erin, Even…and Mr.James with his son down in front. i keep stats. yeah baby.

This is Devon and Erica, two of the four Pattersons–my kids. And Anna trying to look tough. And Corey…totally unaware a picture is being taken…

i love it! as Tyray said, “She look good, but she after my chedder…”

This is Michelle. smiling. i love this picture. you do not see that smile often. thank you for your prayers. and sorry it is sideways

Eric, who calls me “mama” (also another one of the Pattersons), who steals my camera and takes millions of pictures of the inside of his mouth. and of people sticking up their middle fingers…

I don’t know what Wrianna was thinking (on the left). We look like we can play, don’t we…looks deceive.

This one is more accurate. L to R: Wrianna, Marshelle, Nyree (in front), Tina, Me, Natalie (putting a bow in my hair or something), and Erica. And Tech uniforms. did you know Tech has a 70% drop out rate?

This is Andrew, the fourth Patterson, who just turned 16 and is showing me his “golds” (he got lucky because his birthday is during tax time…in the ghetto, tax time is when you get your promised Christmas presents and have money to boot). It is real gold, the middle two with diamond cutouts and the outside two with fangs…probably cost him $200. Since they are snatchouts (for permanent ones, they have to remove your real teeth…i think), i bet he will loose them in less than four months. A lot of the guys have them. they give you bad breath. and the fangs are just scary.

Come rain or shine or snow or night…the youth center is playing basketball. The girls on the sideline? i had to make them go watch because Mr.Dan needed a picture of a “typical day” at the youth center.

 

I just found the spell check button for xanga. yes, I know that is pretty sad. and I also now realize how often I use the word “I” without capitalizing it.

I’ve been cussed out three times in the past three weeks. I love my job.

I am realizing that there are many things that just won’t get done in life. and that’s okay. breathe.

Proverbs 4:25 “Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you.”

“Never look for justice in this world, but never cease to give it” “Service is the overflow of super abounding devotions” “The characteristic of a man who has come to God is that you cannot get him to take anyone seriously but God.”–Oswald Chambers

From some comments I have received, I also realize that I am horrible at leaving you hanging about my stories with the kids. I get to find out the happy/sad ending, and then forget to write it. The girl did NOT give her virginity to her boyfriend for his birthday, praise God…and durn it, I cannot remember what else.

but please pray for God to raise up a girl to work at the youth center…Ms.Elizabeth is leaving in two weeks…and I in three:(. The three guys still there are great…but…you just gotta have a girl there to get everything done. that is just how life works.) Thank goodness Ms.Woods is tutoring and can be there for the girls. 

Saturday we had the girls first (and perhaps only) volleyball game. very interesting. The only volleyball I know was learned in those rare times when basketball was not available. to tell the truth, I didn’t even know if there were five or six players until we showed up. grimace. The one practice i did have with the girls was spent making sure they were not afraid of the ball. But we showed up in style, wearing the jerseys that Tech High School gave us (when they finally got government money to buy new ones) and we got some pictures, so I would consider the day a success.

The first game was 4 to 29. The girls didn’t realize you could hit it up to three times before it went over or save it when their person hit it out of bounds. We won’t even talk about serving. The second game was 11 to 22. We started getting injuries as girls ran into each other or hit it off each other or the ceiling. Marshelle was smacked in the eye with the ball, Natalie was konked in the head by Erica as she missed the ball, Nyree hit herself in the nose with the ball, and Tina fell over everyone diving for the ball. by this time, the crowd is cheering if we even manage to hit the ball. The last game was 9 to 16. we really did get better each game, but by this time they are exhausted and calling out mutiny. literally. we stopped the game for a minute as four of my players sat on chairs and refused to get up until I dragged them back. The problem was they thought the score guy was cheating because he never gave us any points. Somehow they just never could understand that you had to SERVE the ball first…something we rarely could do. But…we did finish and I was proud of all my girls. and exhausted. never again.

I did a Brasil presentation at church Sunday. it went well but I knew I’d gone too long when they had to cut out the rest of the song service to have time for the message. opps. I brought coffee candy and passion fruit gum from Brasil and everyone loved it…I think they will remember the candy more than what I said. oh well.

I know some incredible people. Lillian surprised me with S’mores supplies to out the wazzoo…and so many other neat things to take back to Brasil. I have my two suitcases filled up already and I have not packed yet. that is scary.

I have my tickets and insurance…I leave at 8am on Saturday, February 18th and I’ll be back August 1st. it is really for real. whoa. I arrive the 19th and they begin the international school the 20th…that is a God thing.

***

How do you teach someone to love

when love is twisted and manipulated

How do you teach someone to be kind

when it is scorned and mocked

How do you teach someone to trust

when it is broken beyond repair

And how do you teach them to care

when their world is empty

***

It has to be God.

 

 

 

What is this calling?

out from among them

how separate am I

how different and alone

is it forever

will I ever return

when I come back

will it be home

 

why is it me?

I can’t stand the

expectancy

what if I fail You?

will you regret

calling me

 

was it something I did

or just a random

choice

did You mean this

for everyone

and I just

volunteered

 

Why do I feel

unexplained

and undetermined

if You are so sure

why do I

doubt

 

What is this calling?

out from among them

how separate am I

so yeah, i am alittle late with pictures. don’t get so upset…

is my uncle cool, or what? he and my aunt are on their way to a cruise to Tahiti (Lesley, be very jealous) for their anniversary.

On the rare event that my sister actually likes a picture…i post it. This is at my Aunt and Uncles house around Christmas. And yes, those are Anna’s shoes on the floor. Winzelers never wear shoes.

This is all of us on the cruise where we ate and ate and ate. yum. L to R: Mom, Dad, Me, John, Anna, Uncle Loren, Aunt Carol

aww. i miss them. Raul and Messinho. and warm weather.

These are the teachers of the new international school (starting next month!!!) Heather, Fernanda, me, and Karine. Oh, and Heather is pregnant! yeah!

This was at my suprise party before i left. Christiane (far right) just wrote and told me she has a boyfriend…why does everything happen when i am gone?

***

okay. now you are caught up:). feel better?

i like driving. i like the sun shining so i have to put my cool sunglasses on. i like looking cool in my cool sunglasses. i went to Target–the super one. i sat and stood in front of the face wash stuff for 15 minutes. at least. options are killing me. they have five kinds of each thing and then ten brands to choose each one of those five things…stores are so much smaller in Brasil. That and the fact i spent almost $50 Reis (i still think in Brasilian money) on stuff like conditioner and zitzapper stuff (yes, i am 23 and struggling with zits. what is wrong with this world?) i am going to make this stuff last forever…or at least until i ease my conscience.

I am amazed at how much Christian stuff we have. My eyes popped when I went to the Christian store because they have SO MUCH. All I need is the basics for Brasil, but so much is offered I keep getting sidetracted. Until I remember I only have two suitcases. Today we got a catalog—a big one—with only Christian videos in it. We have so much. I turned on the radio and found three Christian stations. This stuff is not available in Brasil. I think maybe they only get in the way sometimes…so much stuff. I kept thinking “One thing was needful…” And Mary hath chosen the better part.

I have made little booklets for the girls to fill out. The first one is about writing your testimony, understanding the gospel, what baptism means, why people go to church, prayer, and assurance of your salvation (squeezed on to two flippin’ pages). I passed out about 10 today to various girls, with the promise of some candy from the candy store if they filled them out. Not only did 5 girls fill them out, but they talked and opened up to me about them. With real questions and real understanding. I love it. Tina really got it when it came to assurance of salvation. Tia wrote out a very true, very concise gospel presentation—with Scripture references! Kaila was digging in the Bible for the answers all afternoon, and Michelle…Michelle began to care…alittle.

Ten years old with ball-balls in her hair

Stubborn—I knew she’d win if we’d fought

A good student who was going to change the world

She learned as fast as I could teach

If anyone had a question

She knew the answer

If they had a problem

They could go to her

She had her little attitude

But her heart was open

This is the girl I met

Three years ago

She opened the door with expectation

Growing up and ready to take it on

But the world only sneered

Waiting to take over

Her mom said she hated her

Her dad said he’d kill her

Her brother ran the streets

As she stood in horror

The pieces of her heart

Torn from her hands

Her beauty and dreams

Despised and rejected

She turned to the arms of a stranger

Who said the words of love

But then one after another

They took what they could and ran

She struggled with her knowledge

Knowing something wasn’t right

She knew what she should do

But was it worth the fight?

And life told her no

The world taught her

Not to care

What did she have left

To fight for anyway…

A conversation

A remembering

A stirring of the heart

A flicker of hope

A pain that must find solace

And Michelle has learned to care

A little…

****

This next thing is a song tucked into a weird cd…so weird i might just be in love with it. it spoke my heart.

“The Lark Ascending” or “(perhaps more accurately, i’m trying to make you sing)”

And i’m trying to make you sing from inside where you believe

Like it’s something that you need

like it means everything

And i’m trying to make you feel that this is for real

That life is happening

That it means everything

I’m just trying to make you sing

****

This is my prayer for my girls. this is my prayer for you. Sing loud and sing long.

you may call me “Katie” (my test scores tell me i am Katherine Hepburn).

 

i am a happy person. really. life is good. and McDonalds has hamburger, fry, and Apple Pie for a buck. i got to spend a day with my Pattersons. They came to church with me and then we went to Circle Center. i tell you what. They sure are entertaining. Their cousin came, and since he thinks he is “all that,” i bet him that he couldn’t pull three numbers (i think he is 12). i am so evil. i tell you what, i am this good, respectable, ATI girl and then POW, reality hits. We had some funny looks as Eric calls me “momma” (yes, he’s black…is anyone offended by this remark? because you need to get over it. BLACK BLACK BLACK…i promise, it is an “ok” word to say. my kids are not offended)

but i do have some sad news. hard for me to swallow. and when you have hard news you want to hold out and hope it isn’t true…another one of my girls is pregnant. She was one of the girls i led to the Lord. And the worse pill to swallow? The dad-to-be was one of my boys. They met at the youth center. i believe i had a hand in sharing the gospel with him also. Another one of my girls is due this month…

 

Tia’s grandfather died. She came up to me with tears and said “i don’t like to cry, but my mom says i can’t keep holding it in…” Tia has some problems mentally, and it makes it hard for her to communicate everything…but that does not stop her from feeling the pain. Sometimes i walk out of the youth center doors and my heart is so heavy. These kids are going through so much. i sit, i listen, i hug them and pray for them and send them on their way. i have SO…LITTLE…POWER. i feel SO…VERY…WEAK.

 

i dropped Michelle off at her house and she comes running back to me…”pray for me, i can hear my family yelling already.” Jasmine and her mom got in a fight and so her mom just called the police on her. Another one of my girls didn’t have any money and so was going to give her virginity to her boyfriend for his birthday present.

But i have been able to sit down and have so many great conversations with so many kids. I brought nine girls to my house for dinner this week…and all of them were happy to get “Johnny Hugs” before they left. i am learning…that so much in life is the little things.

little things matter. God is a God of the little things too.

i love living life with God because He works in those little things. Like the lady who ran the red light and was a second away from crashing into me. but she missed. Like how Andrew (Andrew who wasn’t able to come to church with the rest of his family) was upset to find i am leaving for Brasil again. The unspoken (because they don’t know how to speak it) gratitude from my kids. Working out details and all those infinate things that happen when you are out of the country for six months. And my own heart. He knows it.

“But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “o you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Matt.14:30-31

Katharine Hepburn You scored 23% grit, 28% wit, 47% flair, and 11% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women. Find out what kind of classic leading man you’d make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 61% on grit You scored higher than 43% on wit You scored higher than 77% on flair You scored higher than 5% on class

pretty cool. i like her.

wow. i can’t sit still. can’t believe it. i got to get a bigger “believerness” in me. God just provided a very large amout of money…much of it from a person i do not even know.

The lines from this song go through my head to my God:

“Unaware of my fears, unaware of my pain, nothing else matters here, but glorifying Your name. Unaware of everything, knowing Your still aware of me”

i am doing my first missionary committy presentation today. slighly nervous, but incredibly pumped.

HOW IS GOD ROCKING YOUR WORLD?

did you see that? (the previous weblog entry)

that was the official “I am going to Brasil would you like to support me” letter.

it took alot of prayer and editing, and my heart still jumped when i pushed the send button. this is all new for me. next week i am working on putting together snail mail support letters. I am learning so much. When talking with Gary (he’s my boss at World Renewal) he shared examples from his own life and how trusting God, waiting on God, and God providing money had become a vital, intimate part of his relationship with God. Because it is something tangable and real that he can point back to and say “Look, God is faithful and will always be faithful.” i want to be found faithful in trusting God in the mean time.

i just found out the plane ticket is going to be double what i’d hoped it would be. This has got to be a God thing.

oh my. i am cold.

I’m baaaaack. I am doing alot of volunteering at the youth center and i am LOVIN’ it. Actually, i spent most of my time cleaning the closet yesterday…

 

Guess what. Mr.James (my boss) said that since i only have a couple weeks, he really wants me to focus on one-on-one counseling with the girls. is the grass green? i am in heaven.

Mareeka is expecting a baby this month. that is my third girl. i was taking some kids home and this little girl (must be 7) sat in the front seat. about two blocks down the street i hear a little jingle sound…two more blocks and i hear a tic-tac sound…when we got to her house a minute later she’d almost emptied my spare change and had all my tic-tacs in her pocket. before she opened the door i just said “empty it” and she slowly did–not a bit of shame on her face. my goodness! i started to search everyone’s pockets–but they have so many! jeans, shirts, sweaters, coats…i finally gave up and just made them each jump and down while i tried to listen for a jingle. that is just sad.

Wrianna and i were talking when she suddenly said “Remember that Bible study where you told us about your heart?” it must have been two and a half years ago when i shared with the girls one night about how when i really got serious with the Lord i realized how important it was to give Him my heart–so i drew two hearts–one with the names of all the guys i’d given my heart to over the years and then one with “God” written in it. I then wrote a letter to God asking Him to take back my heart and make it all His. i didn’t even remember sharing that. but today, Wrianna sat down and did the same thing. talk about a seed being planted and then suddenly seeing it grow. wow.

i know why God wanted Col.3:15 for my verse. i am really struggling with letting God’s peace rule my heart. i feel so much pressure (from myself) to get so much done each day. The time is passing so quickly. But God’s good  and my fingers are frozzzzzzen…so g’night!