May 16, 2006

• May 16

  
  

  I know the feeling. Wanting to be alone. To be somewhere where no one knows, and, for the moment, no one cares or realizes. I would not want it to stay that way. I like being noticed. But for now, obscurity looks inviting. To watch without being seen. To listen without being heard. To make a sudden change of decisions just because the idea suddenly passed through my head. To untie yourself from all that normally holds you and have space to move and breathe and trip on the sidewalk without anyone pointing and laughing. To think the thoughts you’ve had to push aside all week. To forget about how you look or do and just rest. Refuse to look at your watch. Take pleasure in the passing time. Watch the shadows move, the fly alighting on your leg. This is you. This is who you’ve forgotten to be. This is a moment with no expectations. With no callings. Where is God? Is he with the birds singing? In the person passing by? The warmth of the sunshine on your skin? The gentle wind brushing past your face? Is He beside you, pointing out the beauty, in front of you watching your beauty? Is He resting, with His head in your lap? What is He saying? What does He want you to hear and know before you break the moment. Before you stand up and walk back to the struggle, to the job, to the smiling because it is the right thing to do.

  
  

  Will they wonder where you were? Will they ask you what happened and not really listen when you tell them? Would you even be able to explain why—why you were not satisfied to say, to continue on, to leave your heart locked up and to accomplish just alittle more business…alittle more work. Maybe they won’t understand. And that is alright. Because you’ve been there. You’ve practiced His presence.

  
  

  Let the beauty hurt and ache and burn your soul. Let the silence speak and shout and rage at the injustice of this world. Let the burden of pain and grief and accumulation of little things slide off your heart. Alone. Naked. Empty. Present yourself anew. A living sacrifice.

  
  

   

  
  

  That was my moment on Saturday. It was awesome. I had been invited to many different places for lunch but decided to grab a burger and eat it in some obscure place in Timbauba. Alone. Yeah. I feel asleep on the bus. Woke up in a panic thinking I missed my stop and was going to Recife. But I wasn’t. I also got on the wrong bus. The BIG sign said it was going to Timbauba. The little sign at the bottom said it was returning from Timbauba. Silly me for reading the BIG sign, eh?

  
  

   

  
  

  The American’s are ganging up on Brasilians. There are now two of us here. Gabriel arrived on Saturday. He is a good guy and is fitting in quickly. My only problem with him is that he gets to go on long walks alone without getting in trouble. Because “he’s a man.” Bleh. He also likes milk in a box and all those other weird things that it took me months to get used to. And he can communicate already with everyone since he knows Spanish. Some people got it good. I find it funny to see how the kids respond to him. Even though I speak English with them all the time, they somehow think it is a whole new thing to hear the same words in a masculine voice. Smile.

  
  

   

  
  

  We went to Guadalajara for discipleship class. Carlos was teaching on the ten commandments. Now that I understand more of what is going on around me, I am finding how similar people are around the world. They discussed everything from God’s goodness and sin and evil in the world to the death penalty to lust and wearing mini-skirts. It was great to see the young believers speak out and argue and be honest. And Carlos above it all, trying to keep everyone on track with the lesson. Grin.

  
  

   

  
  

  “My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation. I shall not be moved…Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him.” Ps.62:5-8

  
  

   

  
  

  yeah, “You people,” get busy pouring!J

  • 4:50 pm
  • 1 Comment