something i wrote after kind of a similar situation. you don’t have to read it if you don’t want. it’s kind of long. but if you want to, here it is:

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This heart is used to breaking. My path is used to shaking. But right now it feels a new awakening. And I thought I’d be used to this. What are hearts meant for? To love, right? Why can’t I love? Why do I have to hide it so? I think one day it’ll explode. Shred into a million pieces from such a heavy load. And I hoped upon everything I didn’t love you. I knew what it would do, what it would lead to. I’ve never been able to love the things, which I love most. I tried so hard to not love you, so I could keep you. Didn’t you know that’s why I ran away from such love? Maybe if we were patient, maybe if I just ran a little longer, things wouldn’t have ended this way. I wouldn’t be writing silly rhymes about a love that’s faded away. We would have never known how great it felt to share such amazing moments, such wonderful memories, which my heart never refuses to remind me. And now it turns into regret. If only I could have kept you, or if only we never met, we wouldn’t be dying from unexpressed love like Romeo and Juliet. I still see you. I see you too often, eyes turned away because you’re afraid to look into such eyes you loved before. And I wish upon everything I didn’t care anymore. I wish I would never want to look into your direction. But I feel like you still have a piece of me, and I’m incomplete without it. I need a resurrection. Give it back, please. Or just leave me be. Or take away my love or my powerful memory. Choose whichever you please. I just want to be free. I want to break these chains binding me. But you’re sealed into my memory. And I just want to be satisfied again. I want to be content with such a deeper Love I experience every day, when my heart chooses to stray. And I’ll keep lying to myself. Telling myself I’m happy, I’m okay, when I see you every other day. You’ll see that plastered smile upon my face and wonder if it ever left that place. You’ll see me laughing and joyous and carrying along as though I am so strong. And you’ll wonder if you ever made me weak or if I was just going through a losing streak. But you’ll never see these eyes leak. Or if you do, you won’t think it was for you anyways. And it probably won’t be. It would be about an attacking memory, an unforgettable touch, and how risking who I was becoming was all too much. But you see, friend, yes, you’ll always be my friend. Remember once I start loving it will never end. And our love will never die. Maybe for each other, yes…or did we really ever determine if we loved each other? Or was it the thought we couldn’t live without the other? Or maybe we were just lonely. We are both romantics you and I, and we are too much alike. And if I know you as well as I know myself, our Love will never die. Because Love, because hope of a forever Love, will always dwell within us. We have Him and we’re going to keep Him. And one day we will be able to share Love with another soul who delights in Him as much as we do. We just took a wrong turn, hoping it would come more soon. Our impatience of the destination cut our journey short. Now, we’ll have to adjust to this confusion and make a u-turn, or something of that sort. We’ll get ourselves out of this place we’ve never known, ask for a little guidance, a little direction, and embrace the way we ask our questions. We’ll stop trusting our deceitful hearts and trust the Author of our script. And I hope and pray this time we’ll be fully equipped. Yes, friend, there will be another time, but just not yet. For now, we must break those chains of past regret.

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love you!