April 27, 2007

• Why is it that the people we truly love are the ones we only
  tolerate, use, or expect things from?

  Why is it that those we don’t really care about we work to
  impress, we go outside our way to help, and we are polite to?

  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

  Why do things that are familiar become taken for granted?

  Shouldn’t they be more appreciated because they are
  familiar?

  They sure are when they are NOT there. Sometimes I wonder if
  we only have the sentimental feeling of love when we feel some kind of absence
  of it…

   

  A poem that rhymes this time. Weird.

   

  I just want to turn away

  My head

  If I don’t see it

  It can’t be true

  I just want to go back

  To the moment

  Before I knew

   

  That there is something very wrong

  With how things are going

  And now I start to wonder

  How long that I have been knowing

  That something needs to happen

  And changes are here

  The end is already over

  And the beginning is near

   

  Now that my eyes are open

  How do I live the same way

  Things look so different

  Since I took the mask away

  How do I reconcile

  That this is real?

   

  That there is something very wrong

  With how things are going

  And now I start to wonder

  How long that I have been knowing

  That something needs to happen

  And changes are here

  The end is already over

  And the beginning is near

   

  Do I say it to your face

  Do I run and hide

  Do I stay under the covers

  And refuse to go outside

  Do I take responsibility for something

  That is not my sin

  Holding on to a battle

  I do not want to win

   

  There is something very wrong

  With how things are going

  And now I start to wonder

  How long that I have been knowing

  That something needs to happen

  And changes are here

  The end is already over

  And the beginning is near

   

  **

  So the tickets are bought and paid for. I arrive in the US
  May 12, just before dinnertime. Mom said it will be a wonderful Mother’s day
  gift. I feel guilty because I didn’t really plan it and forgot it was Mother’s
  day. Opps. I return to Brasil August 20…but I’ll probably leave alittle early
  and spend some time in Florida again. Amazing opportunities to travel…

  It is neat what God is setting up for my time at home. I
  won’t have any of my usual responsibilities…school and work and such…so I have
  begun my list of things that must be tried. Don’t laugh—I am serious, there
  really is a list. On the top of it is doing something special for Dad’s 60
  birthday, teaching my brother how to ride a bike, and going to Rachel Jones’
  wedding…all of which I would have missed. 

  Me: I just want to know that…I am enough

  God: You are not enough. I am enough and in Me you are
  enough

  Me: I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry. It is everything
  I wanted to hear and yet not

  God: Let me be enough for the both of us

  “If our hopes are being disappointed right now, it means
  that they are being purified” –Oswald Chambers

  The days are passing so quickly. Life is completely
  different when you know you will only be there two weeks rather than two
  months. It shouldn’t be. I wish it wasn’t…things like—I find time to talk to
  people and listen. I give more hugs. I give out less demerits. I give more
  things away. I sleep less. I plan and try to stuff everything into a day. I eat
  more pipoca doce. It is easier to get up in the morning. I feel more excited
  about things in general.

  It was like I had hit a slump or something…lack  of motivation and desire…then everything
  changed and I am leaving…and it hits me that life is still “An adventure to
  live, not a problem to solve.” Even though I am pretty sure I was near to
  solving it. Then what would I have done?

  There is something weird going on and someone is hacking
  into everyone’s e-mail and passwords and stuff. I hate it. even worse, I hate
  having to change my passwords, because I’ll never manage to remember them.

  We have begun using the PACES at school. 6 five year olds
  sitting for an hour and forty minutes doing workbooks. I never would have
  believed it, but they managed! Incredible. The PACES are all in English.
  Designed for American children. So sometimes it gets alittle tricky and we just
  take it real slow. It makes for a really long afternoon…but is worth it.

  The kids had to do timed addition tests—in English today.
  Gabriel kept answering anything that was 11 or 12 with “Tweven.” And it made me
  very unprofessional and giggly. Good ol’ tweven.

  You know your students are listening when:

  • Something
    drops and they say “oh boy!”
  • Someone
    gets hurt and they say “be careful!”
  • “Refrigerator”
    is now only remembered by “Refriger-rachel”
  • I
    called the toilet a throne once and now that is how they remember it
  • Everything
    is named “Harry” or “George” (names I have given various insects and
    ghosts that have occupied our classroom)
  •  Karine told them of my habit of opening
    and closing my mouth randomly when I cut things…and now they constantly
    try to trick me into cutting something so they can laugh hysterically
    about it
  • Everyone
    turns and looks at me when the word “Chocolate” is said. I must then make
    the appropriate disgusted face and say “yuck!” so they can argue with me
    about how good chocolate is
  • I am
    introduced to their parents as the girl who does not like chocolate and
    loves bolo de rolo and Maracuja
  • They
    do not say the word “peanut butter” they sing it (from the little girl
    scout song “peanut, peanut butter, and jelly)
  • They
    do not say the word “swing” they sing it three times (from the first line
    of a song by the All-American Rejects—“swing, swing, swing…I don’t even
    know the rest of the song anyways…)

  It is scary to hear sometimes how close their intonation and
  English is JUST LIKE MINE…oh dear, what have we done?

  • 5:44 pm
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