May 16, 2007

• i now have 28 things on  my list of things that i need to show David and Alyssa (or anyone else who comes and visits from Brasil) about Indy. there are so many lovely things. at the moment, mostly being the sunny weather and cream puffs.

  you go back to a place

  to relive a memory

  you hope it takes away the ache

  but a place is just a place

  the memory is still there

  you cannot take it back

  it will never be the same

  as it was

  today

  you are writing history

  ***

  i was going to look for a job, but i think i am booked with dreams and wishes and plans and…i will be volunteering at the youth center–we are going to have a banging summer. i am going to learn how to paint murals with a touch of graffiti mixed in without being too scandalous. Mom is seeing about having an operation, so i am going to cook all those healthy foods that make you forget about fried chicken and get her better fast. John and i will conquer that bike without training wheels. and i want to live. travel. listen. love. and pull out the bushes that block the sidewalk and all those projects my parents randomly mention every couple years…and May is almost over! pull yourself together man!

  i really have it good here. American’s are spoiled rotten with freedom. or at least something called freedom. why does “freedom” seem to be an addiction in the US? like once they taste a little, they can’t get enough…they ride and ride on this freedom until it takes them to slavery–debt, drugs, sex…addictions, incurable diseases…all in the name of freedom.

  William Wilberforce. we saw “Amazing Grace” for Mother’s day. i want that movie. i don’t know how, but the part about the spider webs and sitting on the wet grass…captured the beauty and joy and simplistic wonderfulness of a real relationship with Christ so perfectly it made me ache. he burned for something until it consumed him. people could look at him and see what his purpose in life was–what he was born for. What is mine? what will i die for? why do i crave something specific to wrap my hands and mind around? something that holds me and won’t let me go…something that sometimes i hate and wish i’d never heard of, but still grips my dreams and wishes. something that i talk about without even thinking about, something that i love and am in love with, but is also bigger than love and bigger than me. a vision that others can join and feel the need, the strength–and God. the reason, the point, the goal–for His glory–because it is HIS heart.

  what is my cause? and why do all the good causes all seem to be taken?

   

  • 10:22 am
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