June 10, 2007
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God is like my adidas lotion
i saved up my money and got this perfume when i was 14. the first time i used it, it fell off the shelf and broke. yep, the first time. but it came with lotion. so i horded it and slowly used drops of this stuff until it got lost in my dresser. i took it to Brasil with me and finally…last month i gave it to Alyssa (there was still a surprising amount left). i came back and found a full bottle in my drawer. can’t remember ever buying it…and so i used it this morning. alot. slathered it on. because hording is a waste of time. God gives, but we have to let go to receive.
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i walked by a beautiful thing of nature
but it seemed to drift away
until i wasn’t sure if i’d seen anything at all
and i whispered “show’s over”
and God whispered back “no, it is just beginning”
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i love traveling. the world is full of God doing things and things being done and God things and things where God is and the people don’t even see Him yet.
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I feel like i am actually going to church lately because i want to…instead of any other reason (habit, to look right, to not feel guilty, to see people…). God, purify my motives some more. “Singles groups” scared the heck out of me. and i sure as heck-sea-naw didn’t want to come back to the US and have to jump into one. but i sorta did anyways…and it isn’t what i thought and it isn’t like what you think of “singles groups” or “young adults.” but i did need fellowship. Vecinos has been God gently flooding through me. taking away prejudices and my walls–protection and security in rules and isolation. thanks God.
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Tele called. we are getting a lawyer about the work visas (“we” being Jeff, Lindsay, and i that are all looking into getting the two year work visas, which seem to be the only way to get and stay in the country for longer than six months). After i get the paperwork (which is getting held up at Ivy Tech at the moment), it should only be 30 days to get the visa. after i heard that i was freaked for a good 30 minutes…feeling like a two year commitment just jumped on my back…commitments are scary. then i had another 30 minutes worrying about money. Then came surrender.
so no, i don’t know. possibly when i leave August 7 it is for two years, or until i can scrimp enough money to get a ticket to come home for Christmas. or it could be the planned on three months. either way, i’m good. happy. ready. then money…if God wants me to stay, then that will work out too. Last year God provided the money needed through Ivy Tech…where the scholarships i received paid for all of the expenses. I didn’t get the same scholarships this year. i guess He has a different plan. i am covered through November. After that there are big question marks. i don’t even know what a two year budget would look like. would it mean coming to the US and visiting churches? sending out letters? what if i am not in the country? and that empty feeling spreads up from my stomach…and then surrender.
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Is anyone out there going to Cornerstone? www.cornerstonefestival.com i want a list of people to hang out with.
