Steve and Barry’s is my new favorite store.

Don’t fall in the Polar Bear cage. they kill for fun. fall in the Tiger
cage, because they are probably full and won’t think you worth their
time.

picnic lunches are even better when you are dipping your feet in a pond.

Authentic Indian food is amazing. and spicy.

Don’t let Anna give the tip. she tips too much.

John Travolta makes an interesting fat momma. (Hairspray)

Everyone needs at least one Elephant Ear once a year.

I named the albino anaconda “Bonnie.” then we found out it was male.

i like silly putty. and free seat cushions.

my attempts at adulthood are shortlived. i’m now in St.Louis…sorta house sitting, while taking a class where i am treated like a child. basically to show me the other side of things when i teach. it is working rather well.

so i actually will know what i am doing in Brasil with this training. now i am wondering if that is a bad thing, because nothing ever goes as planned anyways, so knowing how it is SUPPOSED to be might just simply be frustrating than not knowing.

how depressingly pessimistic.

It is the “School of Tomorrow” curriculum that we use in the afternoons at the international school, which i think is a very good curriculum. if i were a better student i would be doing homework like Lindsay is now. she is making me feel guilty. stop doing your homework Lindsay.

i have taken ridiculously few notes because i’ve decided it is stupid to write things i won’t reread. but i have gotten some interesting quotes like this:

* The word “Samurai” means servant.

* God only promotes suicide one time: when he says it would be better to tie a millstone around your neck than offend one of these little ones.

* Teach yourself out of a job

* The greatest reward (goal, achievement…something–I FORGOT!) in life is getting bigger responsibility

i really didn’t like that last idea the first three times i read it. because most of the time more responsibility just plain stinks. i don’t like it. i whine about it. i feel like more responsibility puts me in a littler box. i feel like i am stuck in this mold of “good, responsible Rachel” and one day i won’t be able to take it anymore and i will tear off all my clothes and live in the jungle. more responsibility makes me worry and bottle things up until i explode. who in their right mind would want more? and then i wrote a paper about it. it was a good paper. i got 500 merits. i don’t know what all these merits are going to get me…but i have alot of them. maybe an ipod. or not.

Everything is regulated. demerit if you don’t push your chair in. demerit if you have food. demerit if you don’t ask for permission to do…anything basically. and yet, it sure does make things go smoothly. i feel tense, like i have to go through a checklist in my brain before i make any sudden moves. the guy asked us what would happen if we had this kind of supervision over our whole lives…would we pass? i would have eternal detention. i think it is called hell.

so maybe i’ll have alittle bit of empathy with my students this semester.

We watched Amistad tonight. why doesn’t anyone tell me that there are amazing movies like this out there? i am glad to see something good my government did. to see that some people stand up for right. to see that sometimes truth wins. i am humiliated to say i watched the movie on the edge of my seat because i DIDN’T KNOW the outcome. i am that ignorant of my history. and i am sad because…why is there such a high price tag to truth? just because it wins didn’t make life easier. it didn’t stop the Civil War. Didn’t stop people dying and killing and hurting.

headlines on yahoo caught my eye…176 feared dead in Brazil Plane Crash. a plane to Sao Paulo. TAM. They fear because the runway was too short. it wasn’t at the airport i normally use though, it was the other one in Sao Paulo. but that doesn’t change the grief of those families and those hurting right now. please pray for them.

(from the article:) “The crash highlighted Brazil’s increasing aviation woes, as a surge in travelers overwhelms underfunded air traffic control systems. Controllers — concerned about being made scapegoats — have engaged in strikes and work slowdowns to raise safety concerns, causing or exacerbating lengthy delays and cancelations. Angry travelers have stormed airline check-in counters and runways in Brazil, and fistfights have broken out in waiting areas.

hmm. fistfights. Anna sure had an adventure coming back to the US. i fly from Miami to Sao Paulo in three weeks from today.

Why do i suddenly feel like an adult? too bad adult life doesn’t work
like this…you wake up one morning and have a house, two cats, a
fridge full of food, and huge screen tv. The two cats are KEY. they are
interesting creatures with their own lives. they don’t depend on you
much, except for a can of food every day. they aren’t needy, but they
give you a sense of satisfaction and responsibility. i just might be
turning into a cat person, God forbid.

They don’t lock their
house. i like that. if you are going to be broken into, they are going
to do it whether or not the door is locked or not. you know what
locking the door is? psychological. it is all in your head. your head
gives you a nice sense of control and comfort and security. but reality
knocks…bad things still happen…even if you lock the door.

i really like having a place of my own. wow. a place to decide how i
like things…and do them simply because I LIKE IT. it doesn’t have to
make sense to you. so there. i like how it is quiet in the mornings. i
like how i don’t have to shut the bathroom door. i like how i can keep
my clothes in piles on the floor and keep my shoes next to the door so
i don’t have to put them on until the last possible moment.

but i don’t think i could
live on my own. need a roomie or something. Anna and i watched “house”
with Kari and Sylvain and then they went to bed (and it isn’t even
really a scary show). we stayed and started talking about spooky
things. then got too scared to walk up the basements steps to bed. now
we have rules about anything remotely scary before bed. maybe it is
just basements…they are just creepy at night.

i have heard
about toupees. (too-pays?) but i have never seen one as obvious as the
one i saw today. it makes me feel sorry for the poor guy in denial. who
decided that balding is bad? embrace it brotha!

went to the Zoo. had an AMAZING time. John touched a shark.

Giraffes are the best. John took this picture. he had control of the camera and did a pretty good job…then he decided that the animals were too far away…so took a bunch of pictures of the SIGNS with animal pictures on them rather than the animals. this is nice and logical, but i told him his pictures of pictures of animals would NOT go on this website. we will have to figure out the zoom on that camera sometime.

John took this picture too:). i think we should vote…when you think of the word “BEAR,” isn’t this brown one the kind you think of? (rather than the polar bear or black bear?) so…don’t you think this could be called the “normal bear?”

i’d rather buy a book at half.com instead of the half-price bookstore simply because it comes to me IN THE MAIL.

i enjoy getting mail.

Especially mail in a box from a special Aunt and Uncle in California. thank you so much so much so much!

****

speak a little less harshly–you have so much more to learn

be a little quicker to listen–there is so much more to hear

your world is so small–and what you can understand is even smaller

give the benefit of the doubt

and maybe

there is more to the story

there is someone hurting

there is a need

that only you can meet–and only if you

shut up and listen

****

In my grand old age and the past couple of weeks NOT HAVING A JOB, i have begun to realize that almost everything we do is pretty much a waste of time. you know all those things you plan to do to “change your life?” they normally don’t. of all the things that have ever changed my life:

a. i didn’t plan

b. i wouldn’t have chosen

c. they normally didn’t come during times of being “useful” but rather during “time wasting activities” that are entirely UNUSEFUL.

we are not called to be efficient. we are called to obey. to love. to have faith. to hope. all of which are very UN EFFICIENT. i am glad.

****

i don’t think love and wisdom mix. except in like…God. for example: Solomon. the guy either truly loved one girl when he was young and was rejected/she died/ended somehow and he became bitter OR he chose wisdom over love–heck, marry all those wives, but never give into one–because that would be handing over his wisdom. i am a pessimist.

****

i suffer from overachiever-let down. i’ve squeezed an impossible amount of things into every semester of life since high school…until now. the first time i haven’t had a job. been responsible for things. had a list that needed to get done. i am tweedling my thumbs one moment feeling guilty that i am not doing anything and the next moment that i am wasting my vacation that i might never again have in my life feeling guilty. i feel empty alot. and i know i am going to fly to Brasil, jump into a full schedule and be like “Remember that day? when i had nothing to do? argggggg!” but to tell the truth, it is more that just learning how to enjoy my extended vacation…it is learning what i want to fill my life with when i am not given a list. what things are forever a part of ME, not just a responsibility. thinking about forever. thinking about what i’d change if i don’t come back to the US for two years. about what would change if i came back in November. about what would change if…everything always changes. i purposefully sat down one day and studied my Bible. not my daily morning time. not because it was a school assignment. not because i wanted answers for my kids at the center. not because i was a “missionary.” but because i have a relationship with God and i want to spend time with him. i want to fight for that relationship and make it work. i can’t remember the last time i’ve done that. because i simply wanted to.

i am scared because i don’t even know all the things i simply want to do.

****

i don’t like stories i can’t tell. but i am learning that in many stories, just because i am a part of them does not mean they are for me to tell. Please just pray for my kids. God knows the rest.

i didn’t go to the car fixer guy. i don’t like car fixer guys (except for Mr.Gillam. Mr.Gillam is pretty great). instead, the man at Good News Mission banged out my dented fender, dad ducktaped the light back in and unjammed the door, and i bought new tires. The guy who hit me is happy because it didn’t involve his insurance. i am happy and only slightly humbled by this unsightly thing on the right side of my car. you can’t complain much when God gives you a car in the first place.

i think the best time to leave someplace is when they still want you to stay.

i rode my bike to Garfield park yesterday. there was an orchestra playing. i felt like i’d fallen in some treasure pit. laid in the grass and watched the clouds form into bunnies and airplanes while songs from “the Music Man” floated through. it was beautiful.

Anna and i are leaving for Peoria today. housesitting until August. sweet.

i got my hair braided. while i watched the “Mission.” wow. the movie purposefully makes me hate the one guy, and then makes me feel horrible that i hated him because of course God forgives him. grrrr. Then they die honorable deaths. and i am left speechless, thinking what a beautiful horrible world we live in. one of those kind of movies. Erica did my hair. sweeeeet.

aparently, “Urban Chat” is where it is at. according to Andrew (Erica’s brother). but i have decided to NOT add it to Myspace, Facebook, and Orkut that i already have. (and youtube, which i don’t really know how to use)

BIG NEWS. i *officially* graduated. My Associates in Early Childhood Education has worked through. let’s celebrate with Panera Bread.

my nose is running. isn’t this July?life isn’t fair. Mom just announced that we are officially cleaned up from the open house. with lots of food to get fat off of.

Weddings make me sappy.

Do people ever really change? or are they stuck with the same personality strengths and defects that they manifest when they are like…six?

i want to write SIMPLE things. like Shel Silverstein.

you don’t really need interesting things to write about…just an interesting way of writing normal things. but with a stuffed up right nostril i cannot even think of anything normal.

thank you, everyone who came or sent cards…Anna was surprised and blessed by the graduation open house.

the bowtie really does it.

Uncle Eddie, Cindy, and Brandy

Rachel Harris, Rachel Harris, Anna, and Sister Harris

Cousins and Aunts and family who sneakily got their picture taken

notes: hanging from Anna’s ear is a sting ray ray. yep. Lance just got back from Brasil and little man is wearing an amazing Brasil do-rag.

yeahhh. red hair.

Becky! so let’s stick with facebook…

Becky’s little (grumpy) maestro

Rachel Jones…er…Ditmer–Kathy’s kid EJ and David’s kid Christian. Christian and i are buddies.

more cuteness.

I’ll miss ya sweety! the beautiful bride: she grew up in the house down the street. she was “little Rachel” and i was “big Rachel” how that happened, i don’t know, but neither one of us really liked the tag ons…

the wedding entertainment

we’ve finally found it…the one picture Anna actually likes. doesn’t she look gooooorgeous?

the wedding party.

this guy is pretty cool.

oh. Anna is back safe. with red hair. and a big hole in her knee.

Rachel Jones is getting married tomorrow. i remember when she was born. i am old.

“To paint it, you must show it as less than it is. that is why as a painter i never was at rest. now i look and do not paint. this is the heaven of a painter–only to look, to see without limit. it’s as if a poet finally were free to say only the simplest things.”

“To love is to suffer–did i know this when first i asked you for your love? i did not. and yet until i knew, i could not know what i asked, or gave. i gave a suffering that i took: yours and mine, mine when yours; and yours i have feared most…look at me now. now, after all the years, look at me who have no beauty apart from what we two have made and been. look at me with the look that anger and pain have taught you, the gaze in which nothing is guarded, nothing withheld.”

“We come, unsighted, in the dark, to the great feast of lovers where nothing is withheld. that we are there we know by touch, by inner sight. they are all here, who by their giving take, by taking give, who by their living love, and by loving live.”

“A young man’s love is a bitter love

for what he must forego

for what he ignorantly would have

desires but does not know.

The years, the years will teach him joys

that are more bitter still

what in his having he forgoes

he has imagined well.”

(all quotes by Wendell Berry)