September 3, 2007
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burst your bubble
I live in a bubble. And so do you. Some people’s bubbles are
bigger than others’, but they are only as big as we can get our minds around.
I’ve been spending my life learning and understanding and trying to grow my
bubble. But Jesus wants to pop it. sometimes I step outside my bubble and feel
the wind. I can touch God’s hand instead of my bubble. But somewhere at the end
of the day I go back into my bubble. Maybe our bubbles will only fully be
destroyed when we get to heaven. Maybe hell is never being able to leave your
bubble. Maybe life is learning how to leave our bubbles for longer and longer,
walking with Reality and Truth in all its bigness without understanding
anything fully but that God loves me and I love Him, and this is satisfaction.I thought you became a Christian—saying words or hearing and
accepting an idea, and then…your bubble was popped. Oh, you had problems and
all, but there was a marked change. Something different. sometimes there is
nothing. I am rethinking the whole “this day you were saved” thing and raising
your hand or repeating words. Surely for some people this is completely
true…but for others it isn’t. some will never have a specific day. Some will
never say the right words I’ve been taught they must repeat. This is annoying.
It makes my life ridiculously hard. I can’t catagorize people.I want two boxes: saved and unsaved. Once I move them to the
right box in my head, I am free to forget about them and go and worry about
some other unsaved person. The problem is the people in my “saved box” keep
hopping out or something. Not that they are not saved…but they have problems
that I cannot explain or help with. And then I fall apart and realize I am out
of the box too and so spend a week or so getting myself back together because
everyone knows you can’t help others when you are lost yourself.Then the sun shines and flowers grow and I smile at life and
think that this might be the start of something good. Something like heaven,
where there are no problems. Then somebody dies, my boxes get tossed in the air
and it begins again. Maybe I shouldn’t be so happy when things are good or so
devastated when they aren’t.But I don’t want to mope through life. I want to see past
it. I want to be happy with the little victories and hummingbirds that fly by.
I want to be distraught when someone is hurting. But I don’t want it to make or
break me. I want to see the truth behind it. maybe people are in my life, not
for me to get them in a certain box, but to have a relationship with. To learn
to love them. To cry when they do and laugh when they do. To share the ups and
downs. A person is not a responsibility, or a project. The joy and sorrow is
that they do not have a due date. You get them in the good and the bad. They are not a problem to be solved, but an adventure to live with.I have so much to learn.
