November 30, 2007

• I want the feeling of my wet tears sliding out of my eyes
  and gathering on the rim of my glasses to last. Of being tangled up in two
  blankets and my brother and still being cold as he wiggles around and jumps up
  every time the movie gets exciting. Of watching the “Little Prince” and my
  heart hurting and pounding out for someone to tame me. Of hugging the little
  boy beside me and being glad I can hold him for just a little bit longer. Of
  being glad of being surrounded by simple, innocent things that seem so far away
  from a long harsh day of work and world and reality. Of talking with old
  friends and seeing that some things never change. But changes within those
  non-changes shake and rattle until it takes something away we never knew we
  had.

  So thanksgiving passed, with pumpkin pie for breakfast and
  turkey noodle soup for lunch. We decorated the tree and I wrote my Christmas
  letter and only have one more present to buy.

  Please pray for Deandra’s family. Her brother’s son died in
  a house fire last week. He was only 3. Her great uncle also just passed.

  My cousin is engaged. So I am the next one in line for the
  spotlight of single jokes and jabs. Three hours one afternoon is NOT long
  enough to keep up with all things happening…it isn’t even long enough to learn
  the names of the new babies being added to the family. When I asked Jessica about
  wedding plans, she said the main thing was to have a party—a party that
  celebrated all that loved ones had invested in their lives. I had never really
  thought about a wedding being that. As a loved one, I like it. As I watched her
  fiancé mingle and be indoctrinated into the family (through song, newspaper,
  and embarassing outfits) I figured it is going to take one heckofa guy to
  survive a Coombs family reunion.

  I had such plans in Brasil. I was going to come to the US and do this,
  this, and this. I was going to be with my family and make all the problems
  disappear. I was going to cook and clean and listen and love and ask questions
  and give answers. I would finish all the projects and paint all the pictures
  and learn all the knowledge and come back to Brasil with presents for everyone
  and everything in its place. WHATEVER.

  I am going to have to forget, aren’t I? I had a dream
  somewhere between when I woke up and when my alarm was supposed to go off. I
  went to a wonderful place within a place, and felt things and learned things
  and overcame my fear of murky water. Everyone else was asleep, and would not remember
  this place when they woke up. I knew I had to go to sleep too. So I looked at
  my friends and said “I am going to have to forget, aren’t I.” And then a nod
  and a dream and I wake up in a cold room, trying not to move because I know as
  soon as I do it will all fade away. Why do I always have to forget? Why can’t I
  stay awake?

  I have now worked on black Friday (day after thanksgiving).
  I think I can put that on my resume. Pretty impressive. They caught a
  shoplifter right outside the store. He put up a fight. It was interesting and
  drew a crowd. We are such petty creatures.  

  • 2:33 pm
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