when i left Brasil in November, i was so scared that Dona Angela would die before i got back. then i felt a peace that everything would be alright. i got to see my Angel Sunday night. I got to give her my presents. i got to kiss her scar. i got to sit next to her and hold her hand and she called me her daughter and said she loved me. i got to lay next to her and sing songs, and then let the tears fall while i listened to her haggared breathing. Monday morning i woke up to her leaving for the ICU. Once there, only one person could see her for 45 minutes per day at 3pm. Tuesday we sat around the hospital, Wednesday we got news that she was worse. Thursday we sat around again. As Junior (my Angel’s son) went to go visit her at 3, the doctor met him at the ICU doors and said she had passed away. he came and told us.

Nothing was real for me. i simply held people while they cried and prayed. those short prayers that are so intense you feel the strength leaving you. one word prayers like “peace.” “Comfort” “Be here.” we went to Kakau’s house (my Angel has four children, plus a couple others who are rather adopted…Patricia, Kakau, Aninha, and Junior) and had to tell the children. Gaby and Victoria and Fernanda and Rebeka. You know it is real when the children cry.

to be honest, i never worried about my Angel. i stopped a couple times and thought about how horrid it was that i wasn’t concerned. but i know why. because my Angel was one of those people that God loves. yes, He loves everyone, but i think He may play favorites just a little. and she was one of those favorites. if God knows every hair on our heads, He knew every pore in her skin. She was ready to go home. i am happy that she is free. but that doesn’t help the pain. it doesn’t help the suffering of those who love her.

it was hard to eat. i broke down for the first time and really cried when i had to eat. because when you eat, you admit you are living and they are not. you go on with life and they do not.

Friday was the funeral. they always have the funeral right way in Brasil with tropical weather and all. Junior did the funeral for his mom. we all sang and cried and said good-bye to an empty shell. Then it is tradition to walk behind the casket to the cemitary. As we left the church it began to rain. i had run out of tears and was grateful for the drops down my face. God was truely there.

they don’t dig a hole and bury people in Brasil. they slide them into a cement tomb thing and then wall up the opening. Everyone watches while the man takes brick after brick and slops on the cement until the opening is closed. Every time the hole gets smaller something inside you lunges and you want to scream and tell them to stop. don’t close them in. don’t close me out. don’t say this is happening.

Dona Angela passed away yesterday. the funeral was today.
pray
pray
pray

Prayer requests:

Dona Angela started bleeding on Monday morning and is now back in ICU. She needs another small surgury (i am not sure what for, because it is all explained to me in Portuguese) and is very weak.

I was shocked to see her on Sunday night. When her pacemaker was put in, she woke up durning the surgury and had some trama. It was like she locked herself somewhere deep inside and only as shell was left. I talked to her, and she said she loved me, but she was very void and unresponsive. She then commented on how she WANTED to participate in our conversation, but felt stuck–and then started crying. So she knows something is wrong, but not what to do about it. i don’t know if this is a medical issue or a mental issue or what. but please pray for it all.

Especially pray for Aninha. ever since her mom had the surgury (November) she has done nothing but help her. it has been a tiring two months. and Aninha is scared to even think about DOna Angela dying. she is her life right now. please pray for the whole family.

So i have basically been staying with the family, trying to help out and mostly just standing in corners and giving hugs. tomorrow we will go to Recife to the hospital again.

January is vacation time for everyone, but not in Amaxias–a bunch of people from Rio came up by bus and are busy building the church there. i hope to visit and get pictures soon. Pastor Assuario said things are going great and the people there are working together, giving up their whole summer break to serve. it is a beautiful thing.

We are doing planning and cleaning for the school too, which starts February 7th. lots of new students and new ideas. I am signing up for the vestibular–the 5 hour SAT test which is later this month–in Portuguese. please pray for that. Tele went to the visa people and they said that 10 days before i have to leave the country (January 20th) i need to come and fill out paper work and they should be able to give me three more months. so that is Aprilish. unfortunately, we won´t know until January 20th if that will work out.

oh, and i ate bolo de rolo today. ahhh.

Tele´s parents. i want to be a cute old lady holding my cute old husband´s hand some day. it just seems nice.

Mateus, working on his karate or something, Johnny, and Nita´s son. they kept laughing at my fear of seaweed.

Little goober Christopher is getting big

hammocks are good. sleeping is good. Tele and Christopher on a break.

youth center is the youth center

Wrianna, Erica, and Michelle

With Vicky

Tyray. darn him, he grew again.

Across the Universe to the movies

launching Carina Across the Universe. i miss you Carina! don’t worry…eventually i will stick all these pictures on facebook too. i am handing out presents in Paudalho today. lalalalala…er…hohohoho

Welcome to the US Emanuel! David didn’t like the movie.

i got to take John and Emanuel Ice Skating for their first time ever. They got really good. and my word…she’s wearing pants!

i love you sweety.

my girls; Sara and Erica. We made gingerbread cookies.

Here is to 2008!

Happy New Year Erica…you will do great.

i have gotten pretty used to traveling. i told Anna to flirt with the baggage check guy so he wouldn’t weigh my bags, but she was confused as to which guy it was. it worked out alright with a big tip anyways…i read a psychology book and actually got interested in it. if they would stop telling me the problems and give some solutions. through Detroit and on to Miami, i checked into the room my Aunt and Uncle reserved for me (thank you ever so much!) and jumped on the bed and all those things you can do when you are alone. took a bus until i found a grocery store and bought lots of food. i can have 50 pounds in my bags until Miami, where they suddenly get nice and let me have 70 pounds. so with two bags, that is 40 pounds of food i can buy. i almost did it. so New Years Eve found me on a bus stop somewhere in Miami with 40 pounds of food, chugging a quart of milk. i miss milk.

The next day, after watching Ratatolli twice on the plane via Panama City, i got to Sao Paulo, where the guy stamped my visa paper thingy with “30 days” and i felt horridly depressed. an hour later i remembered God was still God and i found an empty corner of the airport and slept rather nicely on top of my two black truncks, with my water bottle, alarm clock, and pile of books (and don’t forget electric guitar) stacked neatly next to me. oh yes, the electric guitar (brought for a friend in Brasil) made me look cool the whole trip. everyone stopped and thought how talented i was. or something. especially as i had to take it everywhere…including the bathroom…with me. the next morning i arrived at Recife, but managed to screw up the time change again, so felt abandoned for an hour until the correct time came for me to be picked up. then i complained about my greasy hair and melting chocolate until we got to the Alcance and i unpacked and packed again to go to the beach.

Camboinha

they have five hammocks. i have taken naps in all of them, but i like the yellow one best. all we do is sleep and read and get called for meals and then sleep and take a swim. and Nita is here (Nita is the cook/maid for Tele’s sister). whatever food Nita touches turns to gold. if gold tasted good. yesterday i burnt my back half so today  i will burn the front half..in a couple of days i should lose the pasty look, moving on to the red balloon look. i tried to wash dishes and Nita shooed me out of the kitchen. how delightful. too bad for the seaweed. there is alot of it everywhere. i have this horrible, pathetic fear of things around my feet when i cannot see what it is. so i wander out into the water and randomly jump and yell and shiver as the seaweed wraps around my toes like something alive and poisonous. everyone laughs at me.
and just when i thought it could get no better, we add music to the mix. music makes everything better. Karine and i got a blanket and sat and looked at the stars. one day i will know all their stories. they will tell me themselves. then we grabbed hold of the corners of the blanket and ran. the wind was so strong it almost picked us up and we both laughed and the world was good.

i woke up and saw red tiles, with a slit opening that makes the room bright without electricity. we swam out to a random boat that was anchored to the middle of no where. we sat on it until we could open our eyes without the salt sting bluring our vision. time is forgotten here. no projects are due, and the clock in the hall is only there to make sure we fit in three meals at proper intervals. the nights are spent listening to wind and ocean and palm trees that blend so loudly you cannot tell if it is them or a thunderstorm.

i love you both.

it is disturbing to know my parents know how to kiss better than i do.

admit it. we are just cute.

and we wonder why John is alittle strange sometimes…

cousins! back row–Sarah, Jessica, Caleb, Anna, Abigal and the dog…honey, i think

front row: John, me, Hannah, Nathan, Elizabeth and oh no! i forgot his name! he is just in from Guatamala, my new lovely cousin. Joshua escaped my photo but still exists.

It is nice to know there are good people in the world. and alot of them work at Carson’s. Susie and i talked alot. we talked about her life and my life and boys and houses and i told her a bit about Brasil. about how most of the kids i know have never been to the mall. i told her the funny story of when Luzia stood at the top of an escalator for the first time (not quite so comical as in ELF, but…) how they have never been to the movies or McDonalds…

I only worked at Carson Pirie Scott for 5 weeks or so. it was good. very good. i enjoyed complaining about my tired feet and rerun christmas music…but truth is, i liked it. alot. i don’t think i would do it as a profession, but my coworkers were great and my manager was great…there were some amazingly grumpy and rude people, but many more nice people who smiled and thanked me for doing a job i was paid to do.

and a day before i left they called me into a back room and had a big cookie/going away surprise for me. and a card. with frogs on it. a thick card. a very thick card. i like thick cards. Susie had gone around and had bunches of people sign my card. she also told them about my kids. about Brasil. i wonder what she said because she sure got a responce. She and Yolanda and Joyce and Brittnay and Heather and Darlene and Lorane and Amy and i don’t even know who all else gave $162.35 in that very thick card. Susie told me to take them kids to the mall. maybe even a movie. maybe some McDonalds.

i can’t wait. you will definately get pictures about that.

As i stuffed my suitcases into the car and we headed to the airport, John (my little brother) ran back into the house and grabbed a note and $5. money that he has been saving…he wants to get all the way to $100. He gave it to me and said to add it to the money for the kids. He wants those kids to have a good time.

you know, it is one thing to have this burning desire inside you to make a difference. to help. to live your life and have it matter. it is another thing to look into someone else’s eyes and see that they beleive in your desire too. that they believe you are going to do it…so much so, that they have taken some of that desire and planted it inside their heart too.

thank you for giving. for loving. for wishing. for taking some desire for yourself.

and my words to share and express gratefulness end there.

i get better internet connection in Brasil than in Indy. that is being said as my excuse for very poor correspondence with the world the past two months. shall do better (new year´s wish).

i realize how much i miss people after i see them again. i am messed up like that.

January is the month of the beach in Brasil. Everyone seems to be there, and giving me invitations to come. unfortunately, i just got back from the beach, and had my usual talent for frying within the first 20 minutes. so i am hiding indoors for a bit with a bottle of aloe.

Is it a matter of letting more of Jesus in or learning how to let Him out?

i want to live in Brasil just because i do.

the man marked my visa paper thingy with “30 days.” i nicely explained to him that my visa said 90 days. he clicked a couple more buttons and said the computer said 30 days. i imploringly said “90 days per year–right on that line it says…” he said i had been in the country already. i said it was a new year…January 1st. he said the past counted. i wanted to cry. he gave me the number of the police and said i could talk to them about staying longer. i was deflated.

please pray about that. 30 days is not enough. i don’t have my return ticket yet, but was not planning on buying it until closer to May. that is alot after 30 days.

in time to go to the beach. so…just letting everyone know that things went well, i chugged a quart of milk for New Years, and ate a block of chedder cheese in Sao Paulo to help make the layovers go faster. Will be back a little tanner and more rested…whenever we come back from the beach.