April 8, 2008
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learn how to recieve without taking
I was reading fairytales for one of my classes (in English)
and had to stop in the middle and say “dang, this is my life!” It is called
“The Nightengale”The basic idea is there was this Emperor in Old China, and he
had everything. But the people told him he had to hear this Nightengale. So he
went, and though it very ugly and plain, until it sang. He asked the
Nightengale to come live with him. The Nightengale said it would come visit. So
it did. And the Emperor loved listening to it. So much so, that the Emperor got
scared. He started thinking that what if the Nightengale wanted to leave…what
would he do then? So one day he caught it and put it in a cage, to make sure it
would never leave, and he could always hear it singing. Then he got a gift. It
was a golden music box shaped nightingale. It was much prettier than the real
thing. So he forgot about the real nightingale and it escaped. No one noticed
until the golden one broke. Then the king got sad and wished for the real thing
and blah blah…and the neat thing about the story is…the nightingale hears the
king is sad and sick and comes back and sings for him (although asking that he
please not be captured again).So the point? When you love something, you cannot captivate
it…you have to learn to let it go—and be free to go. Also, not to settle for
substitutes. You have to learn how to receive without taking. To enjoy with
hands open. To enjoy without knowing if the same joy will be there tomorrow but
being happy because today is today and what you have is good.I got to be really good friends with a guy here in Brasil. I
don’t really know how to describe it, but to say that the friendship was really
sweet. Good. And so I began to wonder, dream, and push for what I will call
“more than friendship.” Not that I wanted the friendship to change…but I was
scared. I was like the emperor, listening and enjoying the song, and then
scared it would change or not be there tomorrow. So I had to captivate
it—capture the friendship and make it last forever. And I figured the way to do
that was to have a “relationship,” date, or something of the sort. I was scared
that I would be replaced by someone else or that I would not be a priority, or
he would not have time for me.Because sometimes friendship is harder than
dating. Dating has rules. When you date, you suddenly have to assess where the
relationship is. You make commitments and say things like “Are we on the same
page?” Friendship isn’t really put onto paper. You don’t sign anything. And you
don’t really sit down to discuss the relationship. It is more of waking up and
deciding how much you want to invest. You are not tied to it. People don’t
expect you to show up with so and so. You don’t have to tell so and so what
your plans are. And you don’t have to buy them flowers.And it makes me wonder how many guy/girl friendships were
pushed into “relationships” not because they were meant for each other, but
because the friendship was good. Sweet. They liked it and wanted more. They
wanted to secure it. Tie it down. And instead…it gets crushed. Destroyed.One thing that I learned from my past relationship was
something said to me after we ended it: “I though we’d last forever—but forever
was really only a choice away.” And it is true…a choice begins and ends
relationships, friendships. So needless to say, through some discussion and
conclusions, the friendship I have with this guy is just that, friendship. And
it is good.So sorry Erica (who wanted to be my bridesmaid), it is still
going to be awhile.
