i got to help out with flood relief yesterday.

and returned with two purple knees.

we watch the news and say how sad. we feel bad and wish our own problems would go away too. and go on. but Cassie stood up at church and said anyone who wanted to help with flood relief in Columbus could. darn. an opportunity to do something about the stuff i normally just feel bad for. and i had a day to do it too. ran out of reasons not to. and so i did.

pulled out insulation from the bottom of trailer homes. with 9 other people. wearing body suits and goggles and masks and layers of sweat. it was good stuff. crawling around in mud, bagging up pink mush that held water like old dirty diapers.

heard stories. about people who watched the water come in, feeling hopeless. one couple ran out with their baby, but forgot about the dogs in the cage. the water went up five feet, drowning the dogs. i saw the insides of cars with mud encasing the gearshift.

disasters are surreal. you can’t place them. they come beyond anything you can imagine and plan for.

i heard about people. people who give their lives to help others in disasters. who appear like angels in hell. i heard stories about Katrina. Cassie is going to Iowa next. and then on to the next place. there are people out there…people who live to give. and it is beautiful.

Kenny and Cassie

campfire. good stuff.

“Solitude is the place where we find our identity. it is the place where we take a few moments in quiet before God to see who we are in relationship to God and to each other. in solitude we listen and wait to “hear” the voice of the One who loves us and who calls us to deeper love. and, we are never called alone. we are always called together. in solutude we recognize how we put our most personal talents in the service of a common work. we should never forget that God calls us as a people, and that our individual vocations should always be seen as a part of the larger vocation of a family or community.”

“Marriage is not a lifelong attraction of two individuals to each other but a call for two people to witness together to God’s love. the basis of marriage is not mutual affection or feelings or emotions and passions than we associate with love, but a calling, a vocation. it is to understand that we are elected to build together a house for God in this world.” (and i thank Becky and Micah & Karianne and Sylvain for living this out for me to see so clearly)

” the best definition of celibacy…celibacy is a vacancy for God.”

“Visual art is indeed the art of seeing and the practice of disciplines is a way to make visual what is seen. to contemplate (pray) is to see, and to minister is to make visible. the contemplative life is a life with a vision, and the life of caring for others is a life revealing the vision to others.”

All quotes from “Clowning in Rome” by Henri Nouwen

i was in church and something the man said about service made me wonder if that is really it. the reason i am here. could it really be serving? that is what makes me happy, fulfilled? yeah, service is “revealing the vision to others” (above quote), and before you can serve it comes from a life submitted to God, and it is just an overflowing of the love God puts there…but really…that is what i am going to do all my life? serve? and that is it? that is enough? that is the response i have to what i will do with my life?

it was too cold.

we ate good, thanks to Spoons, the cook

Mr.Dean’s daughter was voted the prettiest 

Mr.Nathan got done

water wars

Watermelon

apparently, even ivy tech computers have issues.

we had Bible study at the canal

and took lotsa pictures
*
then from Sunday to Wednesday this week, we had camp good news:

watching and playing basketball

chapel time

we ate the sorta nasty cookies anyways.

me and Erica

all of us at the house:

our computer is…terminally ill. or something. won’t work.

so i am at ivy tech. and suddenly, can post pictures! tada!

this is…because i can

Cousins

you already know she’s gonna smear it on his face…

so another cousin is married…

family. the good f word.

the girls from the youth center came over and made cookies. too bad i didn’t help add the baking powder. they tasted pretty nasty. but no one really said anything…

i didn’t die yesterday.

i was going to take the highway to Steve’s house to pack the things for Brasil. but it was all backed up. so i took the long way. then something started to sound weird on my front left tire.

so i pulled over. but it wasn’t flat. so i kept going.

and said “Dear God, make the noise go away! please say my car isn’t dying!”

then i pulled over again, and popped the hood like i knew what i was doing. everything looked…confusing and grimy like it always did…

so more praying.

then it got worse. i pulled over into Aldis. and stared at the tire.

a guy walked over and said “Dang, i can’t believe your tire didn’t fall off–there is only one more lug nut on there, and it is almost off. “ yeah. so that is why it made that noise. if i’d been going on the highway, it probably woulda just flown off. or something. so he helps me tighten up the lug nuts and all and says “hey, it would be nice if you give me $20.”

yeah, it would be nice. but i opened my wallet to find one dollar and change. so i gave him that and said “how about i get you some groceries?”

so we got the man some food from Aldis, and i went on my way. everything is fixed.

*

i am going to camp with the youth center today. please pray it goes well and people are blessed and…

all that camp stuff. 

now for the deep breath, and sigh and happy thoughts.

1. God provided a projector! it is a beauty! here–you can see it: http://www.epson.com/cgi-bin/Store/consumer/consDetail.jsp?BV_UseBVCookie=yes&oid=63068538 great big shout out to those who were God’s hands in this…thank you.

2. I did my first “church speaking” thing. my parents have been going to Horizon Central for over a year now. i haven’t been in the country very much of that time. but these people have accepted me whole heartedly. i asked if i could set up a table for my jewelry, and they said “how about next week.” so i did, and then the pastor was like “wanna say a few words?” few words? about Brasil? me? never! (that was a joke.)

3. I brought back a ton of jewelry from Brasil, and was beginning to wonder if i would ever get rid of it. it just seemed like doors were closing everywhere. two of the three places i was planning on speaking at fell through. now i know why…i don’t have much jewelry left–almost everyone from Horizon took some, and over $225 was raised for the Living Stone’s children. more than 3 times the amount i had invested in buying that jewelry. What really made my day? when i went to a Bible study the next day, and saw a lady wearing the jewelry. yeah, that hit the spot.

4. Two other speaking possibilities have popped up…just randomly fell in my lap. the people asked me if i wanted to. Everywhere i go people are interested in hearing about my life and Brasil. they actually care. they pray for me. and i am blessed.

5. The youth center. i got to have the girls over to my house today. i drove the big gray van that doesn’t steer straight, and just like old times, 10 girls in the back were making us rock from side to side at the stop lights. we sang the old songs at the top of our lungs since “Ms.Rachel, you still won’t let us turn on the radio?” i introduced my mom, and they said “hi mom.” we made cookies and smoothies and rice crispy treats and jumped on the trampoline. then we walked down to the college near my house and had Bible study next to the canal. DaBrittnay took notes for me(i asked the girls two questions, then everyone gave answers):

John 17:3 (Jesus was praying for hisself)

What is eternal life?

Forever, going to heaven, never ends, seeing God, being happy, no more crying–just good emotions

Eternal life is knowing God

How do we know God?

Read the Bible, trust, believe, get saved, church, know that you a sinner, prayer, repenting, and not being busy with other things

it was a good day. when i took Erica home, i asked her to pray for my visa thing. when i pulled up to her house, she said “lets pray.” and she prayed for me and it. and that is what it is about. that is why…

i am resending in my visa application tomorrow, with another 10 buisness days of waiting.

my blood ran hot and cold today, when i saw the note in the mailbox saying my visa came back and was ready to be picked up at the post office. i wasn’t home when they tried to deliver it. so i drove to the post office. well…it was still on the truck. the truck was still driving around making other deliveries. until 5 o’clock.

so 5 o’clock i begin hyperventalating (sp?) as soon as i get close to the post office. here it is. the big moment–4 years in Brasil? or nothing. or i can’t go. i am shaking now, as i get this envelope. after i sign four times for it.

they sent it back.

they sent the bloody bugger back!

they marked three reasons. one, because i didn’t follow the new procedures. which i had. but i will do them again. second, because i didn’t have a round trip ticket–but then they marked that ok. lastly, because they suddenly had another $10 hidden cost somewhere–stated nowhere except this newly made document.

fine.

i want to find “the man” and do unspeakable things to him.

this buracuracy stupid stuff where people–PEOPLE like me and you who are human–suddenly think they own the world and can put paperwork on things like TRAVELING and living one’s life. who can own the world? a tree? anything? you don’t really. you use it for maybe your lifetime. who gives someone the right to draw up country lines? because they fought a war? let others die for their little map?

the people at the Chicago consulate like to play god. and they are pulling my strings once again.

and…there is nothing i can do. not if i want to see Brasil again. no, i have to bow down to them and say “yes, sir, of course sir, whatever you say sir” until i get my stamp and then i turn around and stick my tongue at them.

sometimes waiting seems to get to the point where you want to yell “GIVE IT TO ME OR NOT, BUT MAKE UP YOUR MIND NOW!” just to get an answer. just to get it over with.

…the rain with the sunshine

                                                                                “the wedding of the widow”

(Portuguese translation)

that shone through my window today.

maybe you missed it

the fresh strawberries

that i ran out and picked for breakfast

in my pajamas

another beautiful day

and i am not sure what to do

with myself.

i feel like i need to put alot of time into the US/Brasil connection. that is one of the main reasons i am here. or there. and i love that. i love connecting. it feels like when i am here, i am working on things for Brasil. when i am there, i am working on things for the US. all good and lovely, but…

sometimes i just want to be here. without thinking of there. somedays i feel like i am in Brasil…or at least not in the US, because nothing got done here and i am knee deep in there and visa versa. sometimes i just want to chop one off and be here. or maybe chop one off and be there. But be ALL THERE.

*

amazing how i get calls from my friends in Brasil, all of them worried about me, because all they see on TV is that Indy is flooded, with images of houses floating away. they ask me if my family is okay, and i realize i am really lucky–

to only have a flooded basement, even if my room was covered with 8 inches of water.

perspectives change.

Anna won an ipod. Uncle Roger does Yo-Yo tricks.

i went jogging and saw a fox. “Little Prince” flashed through my head and i wondered if i would put enough time into taming him. no, i wouldn’t. i disappointed myself with that thought. it seems that i would invest that much time in…very few projects, and even fewer people.

then there were two. foxes. does it only take one other to not be alone anymore? no wonder arrainged marriages worked…back in alot of cultures, you got married and then were alone (farmers, at least). so you might as well make a go at it.