July 30, 2008

• thank you

  i went to the girl’s house today. i was shaking pretty bad. her mother scares me. but she came outside and said “hello ms.Rachel” and i felt much better. it is really nice to be called “ms.Rachel,” especially by someone who scares you.

  She said she knew i had stopped by and left my phone number. she said she respected me, and i could come and talk to her daughter any time i wanted. but her daughter was not going to have that baby. her daughter was not going to have everyone talking about her like that. and there i broke down. i really have no tricks in the book. the tears just come every time. i told her that i knew it would be so hard to carry this baby, but please…i told her that an abortion would have lasting consequences that the girl would have to deal with for the rest of her life. that it was dangerous for her daughter’s health too. and the tears just kept getting in the way…i am not sure what all i said.

  “no, no, no. ms.Rachel, you can talk and beg here all day, but my daughter is not having that baby.”

  she turned to go in and i told her that something had happened to me. personally. that i wanted that baby. that something in me just…yearned…i don’t know…please. that baby was precious. but no. she said nothing was going to change that.

  i don’t know. i don’t want to give up. please pray for this mother and her daughter…and the baby. i am going to Crisis pregnancy and getting some information, and going to talk with the girl on Monday. it would take a miracle–God doing a miracle in this girl and in her mother. a mountain full of miracles.

  i felt it while i was there…felt it strong. it is not just about this baby. there are a million and one things flying around in the air and just…a whole completely messed up mindset.

  and i am scared. i am scared to love. and i already do, it was sorta a jump in head first kind of thing. and i am scared that i jumped in, just to have this baby killed. and i know it is not about protecting myself. and that it takes all of me to try at this, and i am going to give all i have.

  i feel like…this is the first non-selfish thing i have done in my life. and it feels good. it feels right.

  thank you so much for your prayers. i have never had so much response and encouragement from anything before. so much love poured out. it is beautiful.

  God is good.

  • 8:48 pm
  • 3 Comments