boot in the middle of the road

tossed off at the corner and rollowed

shoelace lost on the right side

the world is gray

and the ring of salt turns everything

a shade more dingy

but the boot in the middle of the road

is still as dark as night

that resembles more of roadkill

and i am very glad to see

it has never been alive

nothing is lost

the loneliness in me

a lump from a distance is just

a boot in the middle of the road

i ignore the computer as long as possible or limit myself to 5 minute checkups until i can actually sit down and have cognitive thoughts.

and then they overflow.

there is something to said for balance.

the past two weeks of thoughts are currently located in my head and on the growing pile of receipts next to me.

two weeks of my new schedule. it has gone well. and i am happy. and i have even had time to be social and call people and actually get together with them. 

Ivy Tech is good. Educational Psychology is exactly what i want, Ethics grates on me just enough to make me think about things, and Humanities…well, which one of you can name the seven ancient wonders of the world? My Wednesday class is…

oh dear, i have become too jaded in my old age. after 25 you just don’t think that making a collage of yourself should be a college project.

I am enjoying working at Carson’s again. although the vast quantity of black turtleneck shirts still does baffle me. Last week was inventory. one table had 185 items that i had to individually scan. and then recount. and then someone else recounted and said i was wrong. so i re-scanned. and got 185 again. and seriously, when i got a little flustered my first thought was “just take your time and do it right, they don’t expect you to do anymore than that, and nothing else will get done anyways. besides, they are paying you $8.50 to do this random scanning thing, so just do it.” because maybe $8.50 isn’t a lot, but it is what my friends in Brasil are making for a full DAY of work. and that thought…makes any seemingly meaningless work…somehow more meaningful.

so when the changing rooms and clean and all the racks straightened and no one is in my department shopping…i write down things on receipts. which is where the following random posts will be about.

Romans 12. i really like Romans 12. i think i forgot it was there. you should read Romans 12. lots of very practical advice.

Educational Psychology is definately going to my very favorite class this semester.

while my Ethics teacher certainly is the wisest, and my Humanities teacher is in love with history enough to make me in love with the class…

Educational Psychology said i was a squiggly line.

think of these four shapes: circle, square, triangle, and squiggly line–which do you feel most comfortable with? it was some random personality test thingy. that you can use with kids and then apply to learning styles and just…wising up to hey–you got PERSONALITIES running around your class, not a lump of kids.

and…i am the squiggly line.

and somehow…

this means a lot to me. somehow it means…i am allowed to not fit.

and that makes me happy.

It started snowing.

the nice fluffy snow. but it is still cold. cold cold. my little brother and i got in the car and i started it up…gathering my courage to get out and wipe off all the snow on the car so i could see.

“Please please please can i do it?” he asks with a hopeful smile.

“i think so.” i reply, a little more disinterested than i should have been.

and he puffs around the car, stretching his eight year old arms as far as possible to get the windshild cleared…then goes to the other side, still leaving a strip of white in the middle that little legs cannot raise up to.

and i wish…

i wasn’t old enough to know it isn’t fun to wipe the snow off the car.

i like reading books for guys. this one is called “Gut Check” by Tarek Saab: “One of the marks of an educated man is to know a little about everything and a lot about something.”

“Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for GOd.” G.K. Chesterton

“We become like the things we love. Love makes lovers equal.” St. Francis de Sales

This is from Justin Lookadoo:

“Whats wrong with myspace? Nothing. that’s like asking what’s wrong with telephones, TV, email, or anything else. there’s nothing really wrong with it. but there are definately some problems with the way people use it. questions:

Do you ever write negative or hurtful things about other people?

Do you get on other people’s sites and post bad stuff?

Do you post borderline sexual, bikini-type picture of yourself or others?

Do you go to sites with some info, pics, or content that you wouldn’t want your pastor to see?

Would you change your content if you knew your parents, teachers, or pastors were looking at it? (guess what–one of them probably is)

DO you post or tell anyone where you live or your real phone numbers?

do you spend fire or more hours a week on this type of site?

if you answered yes to any of these, then there is definately a problem with your useage. Mt. 12:36″

This is from “Becoming the answer to our prayers” by Shane Claiborne “A lot of intentional communities and justice movements get started because people’s hearts are stirred by God’s love for the poor and Jesus’ passion for justice. in many ways thaty’s our story, and we don’t want to belittle what the Holy Spirit is doing in activist communities and justice movements all around the world. But in our own prayer lives, we have learned that activism alone will not sustain community life, and protest doesn’t necessarily make us more loving people. it is so very important for the church to learn to name the powers and principalities, and to cry out against them. but it is equally important for us to remember that God has a plan to save the whole world through this peculiar people called “Church.” So nothing is more important than figuring out how to be church together.

” When we listen to our young brothers and sisters (who start justice movements and intentional communities), they express doubts and fears about their ability to sustain what they have started. what do you do when the novelty wears off? what happens when kids start growing up and parents lose their adrenaline? is the kindgom just an ideal that young people flirt with, or has God called us into something that we can commit ourselves to for the laug haul?…God’s hope is what we all need to stick with Jesus for the long haul. God’s hope is Abraham, all alone out under the stars. God’s hope is Israel standing out in the desert with the Red sea in front of them and Pharaoh’s army at their back. You can’t learn God’s hope like you learn the logic of an argument or the details of a story. it is more like learning to belly laugh. you catch hope from someone who has it down in their gut.

We should pray to become the sort of people who are safe for God to trust with miracles. We must become people who will not exploit or market or pervert the power of the Spirit. We must become people who get out of the way of God.”

Something beautiful:

today at church i was singing. and very distracted. i dunno why…just not able to focus. messed up. and along came a little girl with one pigtale and a very big piggy bank. it turns out she and her brothers and sisters have been saving up their change (and bills) for Brasil. taped on the piggy bank was “Lice Shampoo for Brasil” she dropped it into my hands and went skipping back to her mother. i turned my eyes back to the overhead: “i am satisfied in you…” we sang. and i closed my eyes and sang for real.

 So working at Carson’s is much, much better.

this is the first time i have worked there not during Christmas music season. it makes a big difference. i laughed at myself when i tried to hang up a sweater and couldn’t figure out which hole was for the head. they all looked the same.

ode to Madison, Indiana

i just love that place. my family loves it. so we take our family trips there. yeah.

here is the SNOW picture for all my friends seven degrees from the equator…going to the beach:

some of the family saw “Bolt” and some of the family saw “Austrailia”

ze couples

ze hip shot

ze familia

ze children

not without Carina…or eating her hat!

playing ze piano

our wake up call

and i am looking out the window now…snowing again.

by Craig Borlase

“I come from a culture where cynicism is an essential garment in the Thinking Person’s wardrobe. We’re supposed to question everything, to be able to pick apart the great and the good and remain aloof from basic emotions like trust, enthusiam, and faith. it’s supposed to make us free, to liberate us from all the pain and mess of getting let down by those we might be foolish enough to believe in.

Cynicism hasn’t done me much good as a Chrstian, and i’m pretty sure that i don’t see it helping the rest of the planet much either. But is there a place for cynicism’s good side within the faith? is there any value in honing the sort of mind that stops and asks questions, that rejects mindless social trends and stands up for truth and justice? are we prepared to take responsibilty for being forces of godly change in the world? i think that’s precisely the way God wants us–not staying silent, but getting involved.”

this

is my sister.

how she is going to move the world.

I am just here. Just here. Empty.

I can’t feel anything. It is all gone. All of me.

All I want, don’t want, desire.

I know what is right, and I know every old decision like the back of my hand.

So I guess I will live off of them until I find myself again.

I am stumbling through. Not half bad, but not all there.

And only I know me enough to know it is missing.

No one else knows me well enough to know I am not here. Not here really.

And not there.

I alternate between thoughts of how can I return and how could I have ever left.

And neither one sticks to me.

They all flake off and float down on the floor around me.

Nothing is real. Nothing stays.

What is mine?

What is for me?

Allow me a moment more to think only of myself, to be surrounded by the music and tilt my head back to receive it all. Just receive and be filled.

I am so empty. And scared.

How can this be? Why is this world filled with so many questions? So many tears for every one.

Oh God. I feel far away. I feel you, but I don’t know you as I should. I feel like it has been awhile since we’ve had a good talk. Like we have to be stuck in the manners before we sit down and peel off the layers and really say what we mean.

How have you been? I ache to make you more human, to put flesh on you and have you hold me. I want to be held by someone who isn’t scared to get my snot on their shoulder. Someone who I feel no barriors with, just blind trust and open arms. Someone who I know the answer is yes. And then what? Oh God, and then what? Part of me wants everything, but I know it is only because I want nothing that I can have.

I can almost imagine myself washing the dishes outside the kitchen. Singing some random song. With the wrong words. “don’t break anything now!” comes a call from some where, between cell phone calls. A kiss on the cheek. A good hug and “minha Linda!”

Where is home? I am still looking…I find some of it laying about on the path. A rock here, a stick over there. And I pick it up and hold it close. And I feel so happy. And I stop and say I must be home. And then I turn and see the road is still there in front of me.

this may be a little off color, but i am presenting it in all honesty and innocence.

besides, Anna was the one asking Johnny the questions. i was just giggling on the sidelines.

A: Where do babies come from?

B: the egg comes from the mommy and meets with the sperm from the man. Then it grows and becomes a baby.

A: Where does this happen?

B: that part is kind of gross.

A: Really?

B: yeah, it is where you go number one.

A: and where does the baby come out?

B: that is where you go number two.

A: can you have a baby without a mommy and a daddy?

B: no.

A: are you sure? Why not?

B: well, maybe you can, but I don’t know how that works.

With the Living Stones, we made lots of jewelry…bracelets and necklaces which are very full of individuality. VERY.

if you are interested in recieving some jewelry, or donating to Living Stones, or both, or whatever, please contact me!!!

the kids were great.  The hard part was for Maumau (in the purple shirt) and i to figure out how to make them in the first place.

mass production

Even the older boys got into it.  but they were not too happy about the picture.

you couldn’t help but have fun with these guys

must always end with a picture of Cezar (red shirt). because he is my favorite and life is better that way.

Happy Holidays and good luck as you have to get out of bed in cold weather like this. yuck.