(If you haven’t read, parts 1 and 2 are the first 16 days of a month long experiment to live off of $2.50 a day, like half the world population does every day of their lives.)

Day 17: i slept outside last night. the weather was perfect, and i just like to hear the sounds of open space around me. but i wonder how it would be if i HAD to sleep outside.

After biking home from work, i stopped at the university to rest and sit in the middle of the football field. you can see the stars better. i was in the middle of a delightful cartwheel when the campus police came over and asked me what i was doing. “Cartwheels” i said with a dizzy grin. He smiled and said “well, go on then.”

  “We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked, and homeless. the poverty of being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty” –Mother Teresa

Day 18 (Memorial day): We went out to eat to celebrate my Dad’s birthday. i felt like i had to eat everything because there was all this food on the table NOW and it won’t be there later…and it is just going to get wasted…i waddled rather than walked out of Johnny Carinos. ugggg.

The novelty wears off. the extra pushes of the pedal on my bike makes my legs ache. i get home after work and see all this beautiful food n the table and i want to eat it. i don’t WANT rice and beans anymore. and i don’t feel like cooking anything else. and it grates against you. “Why can’t you just be normal?” and “What’s the point of giving up all these things?” and “It is not like you will ever really feel what it’s like to be impoverished.” because i won’t. my family will never let me starve. this little doing without things is like gnats. they don’t hurt, they just irritate you.

Bitter. i can see how i’d get bitter really fast if i were not choosing to do this. seeing everyone else HAVE while i HAVE NOT. why? is this fair? i am working as hard for my $2 a day as they are working for their $20 an hour. in fact–i am working HARDER than most of them. All of this–just because of where i was born? because of who my parents are? What does that have to do with me?

“It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.” –Mother Teresa

Day 19: For lunch i made spinach salad and bean tortillas for my family. i was so happy to have enough extra this week to be able to share. sharing made me feel…empowered. Like i COULD do something–that i could give something after all. and in return, the natives gave me red raspberry Ritters ice cream.

I wanted to take the youth center girls to the University of Indianapolis before i returned to Brasil–but it is $5 each. my friend inspired me to write the lady in charge and ask if they could donate some passes. through e-mail, i found out they didn’t donate, but the lady would give me a discount ($2 each) and then personally buy FOR US the first 10 passes. So 8 girls and i piled in the old gray van and went to U of I. fur free.

Day 20: the natives didn’t have any milk to trade with today, so i put applesauce on my granola for breakfast. it wasn’t too bad, but wasn’t so good either.

Today was my last day at Carsons. Life is running too fast for me to catch. my friend Joyce stopped by, and knew of my experiment, as well as my love for Chic-Fil-A lemonade (only the bestest in the world!) and got me a nice big cup of lemonade. The kindness of people throughout this experiment has been overwhelming. or maybe it just helps me to see it better.

Anna and i drove to Chicago and it was one in the morning when we realized we didn’t have any more money for the next toll booth. i opened my wallet (which i haven’t done in over 20 days) and found $4 in there. i can’t remember when i could have put it there…it covered the tolls perfectly. Anna got mad at how much it costs now and asked the booth lady why. “Mayor Daley, Ma’am” was her answer. Anna had choice words for Mayor Daley.

Day 21: We are at Jesus People USA (www.jpusa.org) with Carina. it is community living, and many people would call it a hippy commune, and they really love Jesus. You live and work there for free, and they love having visitors. i’m a frequent visitor. i got really excited about the unlimited cranberry juice. several trips to the bathroom later, i remembered that moderation is a good thing.

I feel like every time i go there i re-find a piece of myself. The piece that gets lost in busyness. the piece of me that sits down, meets new people, asks “What’s your story?” and then LISTENS.

Nikki–Carina’s roommate who makes things out of whatever is around–like orange peels and tea bags and campbells soup labels.

Phil–who writes poetry like psalms and train hops to different cities so he can wander around them praying for the city.

Micah–who grew up in JPUSA and is now ready to see everything else. he might come to Brasil and ride down the Amazon on cargo boats with me. and he has the best mother. yeah.

Day 22: I got home from Chicago and hopped on my bike to chase the sunset. i wonder if i can go fast enough one day. i found some lonely railroad tracks and watched the day end. it is the simple things that matter. it is where we find the Beauty. and then i did some more cartwheels.

Day 23: Yea for fresh strawberries from our garden! they make granola taste SO much better!

i’ve been given so many meals this week (and JPUSA is free) that my grocery list for this week–my LAST week–is pretty short. turns out…i have enough money in my budget (30 days=$75) to pay for my part of the gas for our Chicago trip. and that makes me happy. because otherwise it felt like cheating.

What would Jesus do about poverty? (Ash Barker from “Make Poverty Personal”)

* Give fish (like general relief, as Jesus did with direct healing and feeding)

* Teach how to fish (like educating and training, as Jesus did the disciples and all who stayed to listen)

* Ask why there are no fish (like protest and advocacy, as Jesus did turning over the temple changers)

* Model a new way to fish (like incarnational modeling, as Jesus did in becoming a man and living in solidarity with us)

* See a new way to fish, owned by the people (like facilitating transformation, as Jesus did in bringing the new covenant–a movment that can live on in us even after He returned to heaven.)

“I dare to believe that the luckless will get lucky someday. You won’t let them down: orphans won’t be orphans forever.” –paraphrase from Psalm 10:15-16

i hadn’t done a Bible study for the girls from the youth center in…a long time. it was nice. and short. and they listened. and i always say the same thing really. Mark 12: 31-32. “Jesus loves me this i know, for the Bible tells me so.”

8 girls. the big gray van. going to the gym at the University of Indianapolis. then to my house for Mac and Cheese and no bake cookies–go mom!

it costs $5 for a visitor pass. i wrote the lady in charge and asked if she could donate some passes, but she said they don’t do that. but what she could do was give us a discount ($2) each, and PERSONALLY buy the first 10 passess for the youth center:).

it made me very happy.

“I want Indian Nuns…who would be My fire of love amongst the poor, the sick, the dying and the little children. The poor i want you to bring to Me and the sisters that would offer their lives as vicims of My love–will bring these souls to Me. You are…weak and sinful, but just because you are that–i want to use you for My glory. Will thou refuse? Little one, give Me souls–give Me the souls of the poor little street children. How it hurts, if you only knew, to see these poor children soiled with sin. i love for the purity of their love. If you would only answer and bring Me these souls–draw them away from the hands of the evil one. if you only knew how many little ones fall into sin every day. there are plenty of nuns to look after the rich and well to do people–but for My very poor, there are absolutely none. For them i long–them i love. Wilt thou refuse?

My little one–come–come–carry Me into the holes of the poor. Come be My light. i cannot go alone. They don’t know Me, so they don’t want me. You come, go amongst them, carry Me with you into them. How i long to enter their holes, their dark unhappy homes. Come be their victim.In your immolation–in your love for ME, they will see Me, know Me, want Me…you are afraid. how your fear hurts Me. Fear not. it is i who am asking you to do this for Me. Fear not. even if the whole world is against you–it is i in you, with you, for you. You will suffer–suffer very much–but remember i am with you.”

Mother Teresa’s letters, where she writes down what Jesus said to her.

i am glad i am not the only one who does this…

i want to go to India. Someday.

“I am not feeling well,” She said, “And i’m tired.” When she said that, it was as though God was telling me she was going to die. my concern for myself suddenly shifted to her. and by looking into those eyes, i saw it and took it in as though it were a gift. it was suffering. in some strange way, i felt the vast suffering Mother Teresa had witnessed. it was a suffering i had experienced before but rejected, because it had been too much for me. now, years later, the suffering had returned. it had come full circle; only now i had grown enough to accept it. “Do everything for God…” Mother Teresa continued. “God has given you many gifts–use them for the greater glory of God and the good of the people. Then you will make your life something beautiful for God; for this you have been created. Keep the joy of loving God ever burning in your heart, and share this joy with others. That’s all.” –William Elliott

(If you missed part one, I am trying an experiment of living off of $2.50 a day–for a month…what half the world population calls total income)

Top 10 reasons why NOT to listen when Jesus says “Sell your possessions and give the money to the poor.”

(Note: the “Irresistable Revolution” talks about how Rich Mullins said that it is great that Jesus told one man to be born again, and how the church really picked up on that. But Jesus also told one man to go and sell all he had…and we sorta forget to highlight those verses. This idea is actually from the book “Make Poverty Personal” by Ash Barker. i would hate for you to be misled into thinking i was the smart one who came up with it. grin)

1. But then who would support the missionaries?

2. God has called me to minister to the rich.

3. It is on my to do list…i just have to finish (fill in the blank)…

4. Jesus only asked him because he had a problem with possessions.

5. Jesus only asked him because he didn’t have a family

6. Actually, you can get the camel through the gate–if he gets on his knees.

7. But Jesus wants me to have the best.

8. I would do it, if Jesus made it clear He WANTED me to.

9. II give 10%…He wants MORE?

10. Giving money to the poor is bad stewardship–they would use it for booze.

Day 9: I totally miscalculated. i had to be at work at 9:45am. That means i need to leave at 8:45am (30 minutes to ride my bike to work, 15 minutes to change, 15 minutes to stop sweating and look presentable) which means i need to start getting ready at 7:45am (to make my lunch, to eat breakfast, and take a shower). instead, i cleaned the house and cut John and Dad’s hair. and i looked up to see it was 8:45am. opps. i had to accept a ride to work from Dad. without him, i would have been late. i felt like a failure.

No wonder everything is always late in Brasil. Everything takes longer than you think without the money we pay for convenience.

Day 10: This experiment is quickly becoming normal. My family went to go visit family. It is funny to ride in your car as a passenger instead of as the owner.

What it feels like to be among the ultra poor (from “Voices from Ethiopia”)

“We are left tied like straws

living by scratching like a chicken

what is life when there is no friend or food

we are above the dead and below the living

hunger is a hyena

a life that cannot go beyond food

difficulties have made us crazy

it is like sitting and dying alive

a life that makes you look older than your age

just a slip and no more drop is left

if one is full, the other will not be full

we have become empty like a hive”

Day 11: I have always been a little…grabby about my food. this is regularly proven, and pointed out, by my sister, as she takes things off my plate and eats them. My family went out to eat and this happened again. but i didn’t mind. i guess when you realize it isn’t yours, it is easier to let go and let your sister’s hand slide across your plate. Anna likes this new lesson i am learning.

Buffets. i don’t think i have been to one since i became a vegetarian (almost a year ago). Almost everything is meat. Mostly chicken, or pork that looks like chicken. After two weeks of rice, beans, spinach, and granola, a buffet was amazing. Four tables piled with food and i went right to the broccoli (from the chicken stir fry), veggie sushi, and egg rolls. it made my family laugh.

Day 12: This experiment is going exactly opposite of what i’d thought. i thought it would make food the focus–an even bigger deal than normal, since i had to be more careful with it, take more time to prepare it, and had less of it (at least less options). but in reality, food is becoming less of a focus than it was. Sure, i am writting about it more, but when we went to a buffet as a family…the time together was more important. When John bought me strawberries, i savored every one, but it was that he THOUGHT about it–that he thought of me that meant more.

Day 13: I don’t feel embarrassed to look at people asking for money in the eyes and smile at them. because i really don’t have any money.

Poverty means (according to Peter Singer “The One You Can Save”):

* Being short of food some or all of the year

* Where you can’t save money, and can never get out of debt

* You can’t send your children to school

* You have an unstable house that has to be rebuilt every couple of years

* No close safe drinking water–it must be found and boiled to use.

What makes people poor and is making them poorer (according to “The Blue Sweater”):

* Not making enough money for your work

* Not getting much/any education

* Not saving money

* Alcohol abuse

* Law breaking

“Poverty is a consequence of the differential distribution of privileges and resources” –Wilson “The Power to Care.”

Day 14: I was talking with the Cinnabon worker about my experiment. why? because i tell random people way more than they every wanted to know. It started when he was passing out free samples, and i was so excited to get one, that he asked why. and so out tumbled the explanation of rice and beans and “oh! how nice was that yummy dessert!” and then he gave me a Cinnabon. a whole one. a big one. all that amazing gooyness! Free food makes the world go round.

Day 15: HALF WAY THROUGH! $16.69 for this weeks groceries, a total of $50.65 for three weeks…or about $2.41 a day. and this week, i was able to get apples and kiwi…FRUIT was the number one thing i missed, more than anything else.

Eggs were $1.09 this week, $.20 more than last week. these little changes do not mean very much to me, but they would make a lot of difference to someone who didn’t have that $.20.

I don’t really feel like i am doing without, except when i work a 9 hour day, biked 9 miles, and then smell pizza. and then i really want pizza, and don’t care about things called “Poverty Experiments.” i just want to eat SOMETHING instead of having to MAKE something. the convenience of food is a bigger deal than content. When i am tired and hungry, i don’t care what it is, as long as it IS. so cold rice and beans it was.

Day 16 (Saturday, May 23):

8 Keys to escape poverty traps (by Smith in “Ending Global Poverty”)

1. Health and nutrition (to keep adults working and kids growing)

2. Basic education (to build self-reliance)

3. Credit and basic insurance (to defend against risk)

4. Access to income and opportunities (to get assets)

5. Access to new technologies (to gain productivity)

6. Non-degraded and stable environment (to have development)

7. Personal empowerment (to gain freedom from exploitation)

8. Community empowerment (to participate in a wider world)

The ”New Friars” book says that poverty can only be fought from within. That the solution is living with them:

1. Incarnationally–being God to them

2. Devotionally–being devoted to God

3. Communally–living together with everything in common

4. Missionally–going to the geographic fringe

5. Marginally–outside the norms

although i’d rather walk from Greece to Cairo.

http://videoguide.msn.com/play/?g=46eac846-fae3-439c-8d70-01e264cc0b7f&ftitle=hot%20viral%20videos&fid=topviral

…hidden by flowers

…distorted by a bean

…with good company

…upside down

…up yer nose and to the left

…between the lines

…in the dark

…Sunburned and happy

…blurry but beautiful

“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “What’s the firs thing you say to yourself?”

“What’s for breakfast?” said Pooh. “What do you say, Piglet?”

“I say, i wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?”  said Piglet

Pooh nodded thoughtfully. “It’s the same thing,” he said.

i love this girl. who is now a year older. old old old. Carina, i wrote your name down on my missionary support team as “re-entry” support. because hanging with you…re-enters me well.

“To say yes, you have to sweat and roll up your sleeves and plunge both hands into life up to the elbows.” –Jean Anouilh

my food for a week on $2.50 a day.

“In order to contribute, i would have to know myself better and be clearer about my goals. i wuold have to be ready to take (Africa) on it’s own terms, not mien, and learn my limits and present myself not as a do-gooder with a big heart, but as someone with something to give and gain by being there. compassion wasn’t enough.” –”The Blue Sweater”

“You must find a way to laugh whenever you can,” she advised, “No one can hurt or kill while they are laughing.”

“You see, i want alot

perhaps i want everything

the darkness that comes

with every infinite fall

and the shivering blaze

of every step up” –Rainer Maria Rilke

one billion people live off of the buying power of $1.25 a day

three billion people (roughly half the population) live off of the buying power of $2.50 a day

these are statistics on paper. this shouldn’t be called the poverty experiment, it should be called the reality experiment. because half the world lives like this.

one month, $2.50 a day. and me. seeing what happens. i started May 8.

*

if poverty is something serious–if the 27,000 children who die every day because of poverty–preventable causes–is important, then i need to do something about it.

“We can be the generation that no longer accepts that an accident of latitude determines whether a child lives or dies–but will we be that generation? will be in the West realize our potential or will we sleep in the comfort of our affluence with apathy and indifference murmuring softly in our ears?”  –Bono

*

Day 1: i’ve thought about this for a long time. i have talked about it for awhile. but it didn’t really become real until i was riding my bike with a backpack load of food and a box of oats balanced on my handlebars. bike–no car–how could i afford a car on $2.50 a day? all of that money is going towards my food. i made a list of what i needed and carefully calculated and it still was $19.21. So that food needs to last for 8 days.

Eggs, rice, beans, carrots, onions, lemon juice, chick peas, garlic, oats, corn tortillas, flour tortillas, peanuts, cheese, salsa, corn. that’s what i got. and only that.

Breakfast: granola (i made it from oats and nuts and traded for sugar, honey, and oil–from the natives–with eggs). If i am still hungry, i can make some eggs (normally with spinach).

Lunch: Hummus (i made it from chickpeas, peanuts, and lemon juice) with cheese and spinach (FREE from the garden. yes yes yes) wraps and carrots. (oh, and today i found left over chips and dip from Cinco De Mayo celebration in the lunchroom at Carson’s. free food. YEAH.)

Dinner: Rice and beans and salsa with corn and tortillas (except not tonight, because i forgot to cook the beans. they take HOURS to cook. so i ate a spinach salad with onions and cheese.).

It takes me 30 minutes to ride my bike to work (Carsons). but then it takes me another 15 minutes to change into the right clothes, and another 15 minutes to stop sweating. Suddenly, the weather is really important. it makes the difference of a happy Rachel, or a wet, soppy Rachel who has mud splatters up her back and has to wash her legs in the sink of the employee bathroom.

Day 2: Sometimes i think i am using this experiment to try to reconcile Brasil and the USA. i wonder if it will work.

everything seems to take more time. i have to know what i need to do for the day, and plan backwards to make sure i have time to do it.

Things i take for granted and make this experiment unrealistic (but NOT invalid):

1. Free house. all that $2.50 goes to food. i have a free, healthy place to stay including kitchen appliances to make and store my food, bathroom and supplies like toilet paper and shampoo and all those girly things, internet and telephone access, and personal belongings, like clothes out the wazoo and laundry facilities (ok. i admit it. my mom does my laundry).

2. Ideal situations: i picked a month of (hopefully) good weather, where biking is possible. i also waited until after i finished the school semester so i had more time for it. I am also in great health, probably the in the best shape i’ve ever been in. i am single, so am not responsible for anyone else.

3. Opportunities: i am already established in life. i have a great education and training for life.

4. Community: i have a family, and great friends who support me, love me, and let’s face it–would never let me starve. so in the end, i will never have a realistic experience with poverty. ever. booo.

5. Choice: i have the choice to do this…and when to stop. and so many other choices that come up a million times a day. choices that those living on $2.50 a day do not have.

Day 3: my choices are more limited. after working and riding my bike home, i am tired and sweaty and unsocial. i feel more economical…like when i flushed the toilet and for the first time in my life, wondered where all that crud went, and just how much we (the West) use resources–so many resources–for our convenience. one American consumes in one day what 520 Ethiopians use in a day.

Today was Mother’s day. i already had a present for mom, but what if i hadn’t? i wouldn’t have any money to buy her one. it is such a big deal to be able to GIVE. to buy something from the money you worked hard to earn and then hand it to someone you love. such a privilege. that so many do not have. oh–and my mom saved me strawberries for dinner. free food makes my world go round.

Day 4: John bought me a Kiwi. it was the most perfect Kiwi in the world. i miss fruit the most of anything. little presents make me happy!

Day 5: Dad took me out to Qdoba’s. my favoritest place in the world. i am making the burrito last for two meals.

Confessions: i’ve been stealing milk from the natives. just enough to make the granola go down. i also swipe some tea bags at night. and the soi sauce, taco sauce, and salt and pepper packets from restaurants make food taste much better.

The car…ok. i used the car today. drove 70 miles to be able to hang out with Erica (who now lives in Fishers) and Sara. balancing the project with remembering this is my last month living at home before Brasil is important. it is amazing to be able to cover all those miles with just a little tap of your foot.

Day 6: i have a $10 library fine. that made me depressed and feel like “fffffibit, there went the experiment. that is like four days of food.” so i decided that doesn’t count. grrr. Dad had to drive me to work today–it was storming something awful. rain is disabling. it makes me feel weak. because i can’t do it alone.

Most of my friends, most everyone i know in Brasil lives off of $2.50 a day. Minimum wage in Brasil is $200 a month, $7 a day (rounding up). So if the guy works, has a wife and one kid (most have more), they are living like this…$2.50 a day. They are the statistic.

and then you have here–where i make more in one hour what they make in a day. where i was given a car, have a full refrigerator, internet, toilet paper, and all those things only mothers remember to buy. i can buy lemonade when i am thirsty (Chick-fil-a has the best lemonade in the WORLD), and can buy something in the store when i like it. i feel empowered when i earn money–i save it and tithe it–saying “here God, here’s some of your money back.”

Day 7: My friends invited me to go to Chicago for the day–i was so excited and then i almost said no. because yes i wanted to, but with no money? could it be done? i told them about the experiment, and they said they were covering gas and parking. So i packed my granola, hummus wraps, carrots, and rice and beans and went. it was perfect. We walked to Millennium park, Sears tower (but not $14.50 to go up. gosh), Chinatown, Navy Pier, and then dinner at Uno’s where they shared this amazing deep dish Chicago style pizza with me. life is good.

Day 8: $14.74 for groceries this week. i am getting better. plus i had some left over from last week. And this week, i was able to get applesauce (i was CRAVING applesauce), sour cream (it makes rice and beans taste sooo much better), and noodles. i got the curly noodles even if they were a little more expensive. because i like them better. And i said “YESSSSSS!” when the eggs were $.89 instead of $.99. now i notice things like that.

Day 9 (Saturday May 16): So i am evaluating the first part of this experiment. and i like it.

Brasil, you are so far away. and yet i can almost feel my legs walking underneith me, up the cobblestone hill to your house. it is the 5:00pm sun, warm and soft, telling me to get ready for darkness. the feeling that i’m almost there, and then i can take off my shoes, sit on the cool tile floor, and watch. watch the world as it should be.

*

I fight to regain control. i will not cry at Carsons. not as a customer comes to the regester. what is that? the pull that Brasil has on me that tells me i must go–and that no other place is worth it. i can call up a memory and feel like my life will never be complete without Brasil. why did i learn to love it? now i am stuck with it.

i am home now…in the USA. it feels normal. life. work. college. friends. family. i am six years behind everyone else…and yet i would have to kill something inside of me to not go back to Brasil. the love i have for Brasil feels dangerously close to loving a man. how could i have a love affair with a country? and that is how it is.

Watching the window

fill up with raindrops

little tears sparkling

until they are joined by another

they grow until

they can hold no longer

and they fall down

down the window pane

a sliding path

to release