August 17, 2009
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loving people
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Sometimes you get in a mood where you see things clearer. You think “if I could just follow this thought through, I would understand it all…” I arrived at PETI/Living Stones and the kids cheered “Tia Ha-Kel!” I got there in time for them to leave. But Pollyanna held on to me. I wasn’t sure what to do. So I held her back and stood there. Under the palm trees, in the breeze.
The workers and I talked about the kids, the needs. About Edimilson’s tumor, that is so much better since he cut his hair and washed the lice out (can lice cause tumors?). About the four year old boy with the big smile and huge head-wound that his family treated with dye and other such home remedies. About the girl who broke her toes while bike riding, but still came to PETI with her foot wrapped up in a plastic sack. About how the kids ask “Is today a full day or are we leaving early?” leaving early means there is no food available. Patricia and Cacau let them out early because they are on their own to beg/work for dinner. But the kids still want to stay. They love coming. They love being somewhere where they are wanted, where they are cared for.
We talked about the lost vision of the church (in general) and how you see Jesus in “the least of these.” Cacau said she got a rash—from giving hugs and holding the children close. Something happened while we were talking. I wanted nothing else than to hold these children close. To spend my days loving them.
I have taken many steps to be there I am. In this discussion. In Portuguese. Under palm trees, in the wind of the Northeast. In the lazy afternoon sun, I see I have so much more to learn. In learning how to love others. In learning how to see that many things aren’t right in the world—including in the things I hold dear and sacred and love and…myself. But that doesn’t mean to give up on them. If I don’t see the world I want to live in around me—then it means I need to be the world I want to live in.
I am trying an experiment…to love—in a little way—the people I see. It is exhausting. Mostly this is just smiling at the people I pass as I walk or go anywhere. Remembering that Jesus died for them. And they are worth enough that He would have died JUST for them. And that is reason enough to smile. I am surprised how much I DON’T want to do this. How much I just want to disengage. To look anywhere but the person’s eyes. I guess I am scared. Because I don’t know what I will see there—mocking me, ignoring me…or worse—pain. I don’t want to be responsible for what I find in their eyes. But I am finding that more and more people are smiling back at me. But even if they don’t…maybe I am not doing it for them—I am doing it for me. Because it makes me remember what kind of world I have chosen to live in, to make.
