August 17, 2009
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running away
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I sat on the ground. The sky looked the same. And I realized how fast it could all end. All of it. My dreams. My ideas. My thoughts, my freedom, my independence.
I was jogging in the middle of nowhere. A very good place to jog. And I slipped. I fell. And the sharp pain through my ankle scared me. And I sat on the ground. It wasn’t broken. It could have been so much worse. But what if it had been? What if I couldn’t walk?
I walk everywhere. I walk a good 10 minutes to the bus stop (if I take the short cut over hills and through allies). I walk to the store to get fruit. I walk to the bakery to get bread. I walk to the church. I walk to teach English. I walk to get to the internet to post random thoughts like this.
I sat on the ground. The sky looked smaller. My world rushed in. could I even help kids if I couldn’t walk? If it didn’t heal right, would they send me home? Would I have to be taken care of, instead of helping care for others? Would I be good for anything? Would I be worth anything? Amazing how quickly my worth is based on what I do, what I complete, and how I am an asset rather than a deficit.
I sat on the ground. I’ve forgotten what it means to be human. Maybe I have never known. But it has to be more than something that can be taken away by tripping over a rock. By one slip. By one fall.
