September 12, 2009

• I missed my chance. we were standing at the bus stop in Recife, buying our tickets home. A man selling drinks and pipoca was roughly talking to a girl, about 12, who was stubbornly staring back. i wasn’t sure of the situation. he shoved her against the wall.

  my thoughts raced. i wondered if he was her father and i should look the other way and hope that at home it wasn’t worse. whatever. home–in secret–is always worse. why should i play blind? Then i saw she was begging and hee was telling her to stay away from his customers. She mocked him, the thin girl in a sports bra, miniskirt, dirty hair and barefeet. she mocked him with her eyes and said nothing. she walked away, on her own terms, and i watched her go.

  the man continued yelling after her “you dog! dirty scum! infecting everything you touch! get out of her you animal!”

  and i hurt. i felt frozen to the ground. our bus pulled up, hiding the girl forever from my view. i has missed it. the opportunity. the something. i could never know for sure exactly what i lost–but i had lost a chance to do something other than nothing.

  so often, i do nothing. why?

  sometimes because i don’t see any options. opportunities. i see no girls, no hurting, no emptyness–i only see me. other times i am not ready. not prepared, and so time passes me by. but mostly…from fear. what if i had said something? what would i say? my normal reason why kids shouldn’t be mean? “God made that girl, and loves her, and so she has value–don’t treat her like she doesn’t.”

  I was scared of the man’s laughter. his insistance of my naievety and “surely you cannot live your life like that.” but i was even more scared that he would call me out and ask what i was doing to help the girl. how i would change the situation.

  because i didn’t want to. i didn’t want to help. to become involved. i wanted to get on the bus and go home. i was tired. and in the end…the girl wasn’t worth it. i ached for her. i know i should not have let that man treat her like that–treat any human like that. but i was tired. i lost the opportunity. i lost something beautiful that could have been mine.

  i am sorry God. forgive me. i want to be the kind of person that steps out and speaks out and takes the time to stand up for those who do not have a voice.

  • 9:42 am
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