October 3, 2009
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Stories
Everyone has a story…
this was a random thing someone asked for me to write…
stories about verses that changed my life. or someone i knew. and then to write a SHORT thing about who i was. have you ever tried to do that? briefness and me are not good friends.
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I leaned over the sink to wash the snot off my face. I had only been in Brasil for two weeks. I was only 16. I’d been home for three months. Why didn’t the feelings go away? The emptiness. The “something isn’t quite right” feeling. I turned on the water faucet and heard it. “Brasil is yours.” What? Was that you God? Talking to me? Or was it a feeling in words. Or something…bigger than me? What did that mean—Brasil is mine?
Five years later I sat on the tile floor of Nazare Da Mata, Northeast Brasil, with my Bible open to Matthew 5. I read it again. Who hasn’t read the Sermon on the Mount. This time it stopped. Verse five took me back to the sink in the bathroom five years ago. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” Inherit the earth? The earth was pretty big. My part was Brasil. Brasil was mine. But I wasn’t sure about the meek part. A good definition of meekness is “Strength under control.” Control. I wanted control. I didn’t want to give it up. Even to inherit a country.
The past five years of my life have been more of weakness under control, than strength. There is nothing like daily life in a third world rural town to show you that you have no control. Over anything. And that you might as well give the illusion of control you have left to God. He takes care of it better. Sometimes God puts us places where meekness is not an option, to give us things bigger than we ever imagined.
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I don’t know where they hide the dirt in America. Under grass and asphalt, I guess. In Brasil I walk down the street and all the dirt finds my feet. Sweeping the floor is a multi-daily task. It never stays clean. I thought being a missionary was about telling people about Jesus. I am spending more time washing the dishes and sweeping the floor. I came to help and teach and share what I know and the I arrived. And I found that things were taken care of. That God is already here and alive and working…and life goes on with or without me. In fact, what I can do best, and is the biggest help is often just that: washing the dishes and sweeping the floor.
Luke 16:10-11 “He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much…If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?”
Me: Please God, can I go now? What can I do?
God: The dishes.
Me: The dishes? Why the dishes?
God: Because that is where you are now.
Me: The dishes. Forever?
God: No, not forever. Today the dishes, tomorrow the world. Or maybe the dishes again.
Me: Again…why dishes?
God: Because you need the dishes.
Me: When will I need something else?
God: When you are fine with just the dishes.
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I met Mika at camp, spending her first two weeks out of the inner city. She was not born with mental problems, but due to lack of training and care, at 14 she had trouble reading, concentrating, and doing simple tasks. She also had a problem wetting the bed. Every night. At one chapel service, Mika came forward to talk to me. She asked if I could save her. I said that wasn’t possible, but I knew Someone who would. Mika gave her life to Jesus that night.
It was a long two weeks. She shouted before she thought, she erupted before she understood, and she fought before she listened. To get her attention I would hold on to her shoulders and turn her to look at me. We talked about things. “Is this what Jesus wants for you?” I asked. “No.” she would sorrowfully reply. “Let’s pray then,” I suggested. Silence prevailed. “I never know what to say.” She confessed.
The only verse I could remember…and not even a whole verse, was Psalms 12:1 “Help, Lord…”and so that is what we prayed. “I have a verse for you Mika—a prayer—“Help, Lord.” And He will. He will help you remember. He will help you listen. He will help you forgive and will forgive you.”
We had a lot of “Help, Lord” prayers those weeks. Soon after, school started and I lost track of Mika. A year later someone mentioned that she had been in a house fire and was in the hospital. After I visited her, we closed our eyes to pray. “Ms. Rachel, I remember…”Help Lord!” “
This verse stayed with Mika, and with me. God is mighty, great over all—but He is also simple enough to fit into where we are. Into two words. To come near when we fall so short and can go no more. “Help, Lord.” And He will say the rest.
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(As told by my friend Aninha.) The doctor told my mom to come back in three days. Her blood has serious problems clotting, and more tests needed to be done. “Let’s not take the bus just yet. I want to talk to God about this.” We walked the couple blocks to the beach and took off our sandals while Angela told God all about it. She stopped and looked down, the waves stopping just before her toes. “You shut up the sea with doors,” she said, “You said it could come, and go no further,” Quoting Job 38:8,11. “If You can do that, then You can take care of my blood.”
And that was the end of my mother’s prayer. We took the bus home and waited for the next series of tests. In the office, the doctor took longer than usual. I took this to be a bad sign, but tried not to show it. She came in and said “Dona Angela, you have a lot of faith in God, don’t you?” “Yes, I do.” Mom replied. “Because God is doing miracles for you,” The doctor said, “You are free to go home, your blood is as healthy as mine.”
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(As told my by friend Daniel) “Fret not thyself because of evildoers…” (Psalms 37:1) It was easier said than done. My father was a spiritist, and demonically involved. I could see it in his eyes when it wasn’t him looking back at me—when it was something else. He would have super-human strength, and you would never know what he would do. “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devises to pass.” (Psalms 37:7) I was meditating on Scripture, but it was hard when my father came into the room and grabbed me. I said nothing, but looked into his eyes and thought “For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the Lord upholdeth the righteous.” (Psalms 37:17) and my dad instantly let go. He grabbed a knife and started to tear up things around the house, but wouldn’t come near me. I continued meditating on the Psalm until the last verse “And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him.” My father looked around, as if seeing things we could not see—spiritual things. He cried out “Stop! Stop! Don’t call the angels on me!”
I hadn’t said one word out loud. I dropped down and cried. It was as if God touched me and said, “See? I am real! I am here with You!” That day, the Bible was no longer a book to me, it was living and alive and NOW. Those words were mine.
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Brief description of my vision and heart:
Over the past 5 years I have spent 3 years in Northeast Brasil, teaching English, learning Portuguese, and living life with God and the people He has brought into my life. My heart is to help those who need help, especially children. Since the simple words “Brasil is yours” when I was 16, God has taken me many different places involving many different ministries, always including a lot of dishes, cleaning, and lack of control. At the end of the day, I find myself receiving much more than I could ever give, and more satisfied with not knowing the future than with having things defined.
My vision is to work with the local churches in the small, impoverished towns in Northeast Brasil to provide a program that reaches the poorest children in the community. Like many of our after-school programs in America, the church doors will be open for kids to come and receive love, tutoring, friendship, fun, and food. Unlike most of America, this will often be the only food they eat, and hopefully they will learn to read before they drop out of school to work to provide for their family. I believe that knowing and loving Jesus is reason for our existence, and the only way we can find true happiness and fulfillment. My goal is to live this and share this with those who don’t know.
