March 7, 2010

• Mulah

  Someone anonymously gave me a card and some money at church.

  It always gets me. I fall into a jumble of emotions that normally make me cry. It isn’t fun to cry with no tissues. I sorted out some of the feelings for you. The same has been true when so many other people have given…so I offer a large shout out THANK YOU. To the known and the unknown givers.

  I feel loved: someone thought of me, someone noticed.

  I feel excited: imagining what God is going to do with that money, the people it is going to touch and help. Money seems to go farther in Brasil.

  I feel shocked: Why should they give? I am sure they had many other things they could have done with that money.

  I feel unworthy: There are so many other people who need that money more than I do. So many who deserve it more.

  I feel called out: I have a responsibility to now use that money wisely. To use my life wisely. Ouch–gosh darn it.

  I feel believed in: it always gets me deep down somewhere that someone thinks I can do it–whatever God would have ”IT” to be.

  I feel fake: good gracious–panic attack–they believe in me, and I fail so much, I fall so short.

  I feel connected: I am not alone. There are people with me, serving God, loving God–Family. HOME.

  I feel God: He grins and says “See? Told ya I’d take care of you.” And I sheepishly grin back.

  ***

  I have the audacity to be surprised each and every time.

  God takes the weirdest days and makes them into Christmas morning with presents.

  • 3:54 pm
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