April 14, 2010
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Pause and turn around
It is 10:17am and i am in full combat mode. I have turned in my W313 paper–with pictures–an addition from the last five minute scramble. I zip up my backpack, sling it over my shoulder, and the water bottle hanging from it inevitably hits my back.
As I go down two flights of stairs i could my classes off my fingers: Next, philosophy–only read one chapter. then psychology–test tomorrow. Then to the youth center where i will prepare tutorial time (division), character class (Old Testament overview), and girl’s Bible study (T.B.A.)
Next flight of stairs.
Tomorrow i have to fit in that test–before or after the interview with the TESOL teacher? And i am up in editing class, to show my edited manuscripts that are not edited yet. gotta do that one. While i have written all the papers due tomorrow for W426, i haven’t corrected all the feedback that my teacher sent me–more red ink than black. And then straight to the youth center.
Out the door.
The sunshine chases away any other thoughts and i think of only my current love affair with spring. I pass a classmate for my next class, who i know as ”Danger.” He is walking the wrong way, and i tell him so. Apparently, class is canceled. the teacher is sick.
Emotion shift.
I feel bad. he is sick? awwww. I turn around. Why am i still walking to class? i feel lost. what?
My brain can’t handle changed. i had everything figured out. I head for the library. Study for that test. correct those papers.
Combat i can handle. Reprieve i cannot.
I see a fountain, green grass, empty table, and sunshine. I will go and write for a minute. Write because i want to. with old fashioned pen ‘n’ paper. A moment of lost freedom.
I came to that moment in the semester last night. the moment that is two seconds from walking out the front door barefoot and never looking back. just leaving. disappearing into the crowd. i read my devotions in Joshua. I should be there. In Israel. What happened to those traveling plans? Why am i domesticated again?
Just go. Empty handed. Blend into the crowd and let it fold in behind you.
And then i feel asleep, exhausted. in the middle of chapter 3, philosophy.
A moment to sit and think about what i have been thinking.
I find my mind is empty. I’ll go finish chapter 3.
