October 23, 2010

  • Missionary

    Sometimes being a missionary is a 24 hour guilt trip. You see all these needs. You know you are needed–and sometimes you just do not have it in you. Sometimes you have to say “I know there are a million things more urgent to do or to give money to or time to, but I won’t right now.” And dang, the guilt.

    I wish I were a god, that could go,go,go without stopping. That never needed a break or time to herself or using resources on herself. But I am not. Somedays I just need to stop. To be able to relax–no, the needs, the cries, the pleas have not stopped or even become softer–but I need earplugs for me. I need to be lead by still waters. I need to come to grips with the fact that as long as I am here on this earth, those needs, cries, and pleas will always be there; will always be a part of me.

    That is what being a missionary is: you see and hear the problem, know you have the Answer, and work to connect them. This is no 9 to 5 job, it is the rest of your life. And in that, you have to learn how to care for your heart. How to let go of the guilt trip.

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