January 19, 2011
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Giving
I used to think that receiving money was the hardest part about being a missionary.
I was wrong.
Receiving money is hard. You have to be humble–realizing you can’t do it alone. You have to trust God that if the money comes, it comes, if not, then not. You have to let go of worrying that “man, is that person sure they can spare this money?” or “What if I screw this up and waste their money?” thoughts.
Not easy. But there is the other side. The giving side.
Not only is there the question of what/where to give, but also when to give and how much to give. Responsible giving is hard work.
Giving is a beautiful horrible thing. Forget about money for a minute and think about giving your heart. Giving your heart and love to someone is the scariest thing in this world. Because as soon as you give something away, you can’t control it anymore. The act of giving is letting go. What makes giving powerful is you are giving the power of control to that person. The scary thing is, they can screw it all up. They can take your heart and stomp on it. Or they can care for it, and in a sense, expand it into something bigger than it ever could have been alone.
So back to money.
You click that little donate button and the money is gone. Out of your hands and into the hands of someone else. What about that guy on the side of the road? Will he use those couple bucks to buy food or beer? Do you really know? What if giving that guy a couple bucks is the ABSOLUTE WORST thing you could do for him right now?
The thing is, who knows how God works? He is much more creative than we are. He likes taking screwy cases and making them beautiful in weird ways. And maybe that guy NOT having money is what he needs right now. I don’t know. But He does.
I guess by now you have figured out that I worry a lot. I worry about worrying. Yes, I am getting help for this. But giving is a huge responsibility–and the way I look at it, the only way that I can really know how, when, where, how much to give someone, so that the money is a blessing and not a distraction or curse–is to tap into God’s knowledge of the situation. In other words, pray and then let it go.
And I don’t know. I won’t always find out. Ever. Maybe after I prayed and felt led to give a couple bucks to that guy on the side of the road, he goes out and gets smashed and is worse off than before. Maybe he didn’t listen to what he knew he was supposed to do. I can’t control that. But it is important for me to take responsibility to ask and give, the best I can, walking this life with God.
Ministries will always need money, and will always need money now. That is how things are set up. Living Stones will always have a project or an idea or a new town to start a new Living Stones. This is overwhelming. When/if the day comes that you read about a need and have the money to give, the need isn’t enough reason to give.
Maybe having the money isn’t what we really need. Maybe too much money would take us down the wrong path. Maybe someone else really needs the opportunity to give instead of you. I don’t know. And really, I probably shouldn’t be writing this: I am supposed to be encouraging giving, not discouraging. But please, for your own sake: practice responsible giving.
In my strong moments, I boldly say that I don’t want your money if you haven’t taken the time to pray about it and be sure this is the right thing: for you and for me. But then again, if you win the lottery and shuttle some money my way without thinking, I can’t say that I would frown…
Bottom line: Giving, the right amount at the right time to the right person is hard. It requires God’s wisdom. Here in Brazil, I have a heavy responsibility in giving at Living Stones. There are so many needs it hurts. Please pray for me. And you, as you read about needs, and I ask you to be a part of things in Brazil–well, I will pray for your wisdom as well.
God be with you.
