January 20, 2011
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I had this conversation with God awhile back. I asked Him why He didn’t just show me His will for my life. Like…all of it. The basic response was “Rachel, if I did, you’d never need to talk to me again.” oh. Yeah. That.
By the time I was 14, I know God’s will for my life had something to do with kids.
By 16, it was something to do with underprivileged kids.
By 21, it was something to do with underprivileged kids in Brazil.
By 26, it was something to do with underprivileged kids in Brazil through Living Stones.
Now it is helping 10 Living Stones in 10 towns in 10 years. And yet sometimes it still feels so vague. And I am still asking God what His will is for my life. It is good stuff.
January in Brazil. I’ve only been in Brazil for one other January–in 2008. My dear friend, Dona Angela, died early that January, and besides grieving, the only other thing I remember was reading the “English for Dummies” book, because I decided I should know a bit about English if I was going to teach it.
The thing is, January in Brazil is not normal for North Americans. It is like everything went on pause. It is like the “slow-mo” that you get in dreams when you are trying to walk but every inch is so heavy. Not much gets done. And my North American brain goes off the hook. It is not used to this much vacation at one time. So far I have gone through the guilt trip, the sigh of ecstasy, the scramble to try to plan ahead as much as possible, the prayer and fasting, the getting into a routine, the time wasting, the guilt of time wasting, the enjoyment of time wasting, and everything all over again–oh, and cooking. You know there is extra time when I cook. Willingly.
It is fun to laugh at myself. To calm down and remember that life is more than what I accomplish in a day. To enjoy the time with people. The time alone. The time with God. And the stuff will get done when it gets done.
Dang it is good.
Why Brazil? The country itself has this pull. I like it. I like the weather, the food, the riding on the back of a moto. That was enough of a pull to bring me back after a quick two week trip.
Then I met these people. I met this family that opened up their house and their lives to me. And I believed in what they were doing. I got excited about it. It connected with me. That was enough of a pull to bring me back after a three month trip.
Then I learned this language–learning another language is like building another life–And I met more people, and I found a spot with my name on it. I found something that I could do to help others–and it was something I enjoyed doing: Teaching English. That was enough of a pull to bring me back time after time.
Then I met these children. 147 of them. I saw this program that could reach out and into families and be God’s hands and love where no one else was. The people I had met have now become family. And as Frederick Buechner said:“The place where God calls you is where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep hunger.” That’s why I am here.
