I am sitting on the cool tile floor because it is hot. The fan blowing on me is not enough. It has been a good week, working on translating and planning character stuff for Living Stones and choir/music classes for the International school.
Last week everything came to a head for me. There were some things I didn’t connect, and I was trying really hard to make something happen. I felt like I came to Brazil to do this thing called Living Stones, and I had better get it done. I was pushing, forcing—and I felt like the world was all on my shoulders. Next stop—burn out city.
Over the weekend I realized it…my gift has never been to start Living Stones. To be the front man (woman). No, I am a connector, assistor, helper. In my mind Living Stones Paudalho had to start on Monday, and I was going to make it happen. I wanted to make sure my kids were taken care of.
The thing is, Paudalho, the church, is not ready. They are doing construction. They are working some things through. The Living Stones program is a huge commitment of time and money. The leadership needs to pray and work through the details of this commitment. The church as a whole needs to be behind this, supporting it. This takes time. Over the weekend, God gave me the grace to let go. To put it back into their hands.
Paudalho church has a desire to serve the needy children in their community. They want to work with Living Stones, and with me. We agreed that when they are ready, they will call me, and we will work together. But this will be their program—I get to do the good stuff: help out, take pictures, get to know the kids, and connect with resources. And if I leave or have visa issues, the program will still be here.
It is amazingly simple how things work out when you realize you don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to make it happen. You just have to trust. Friday morning one of my kids got hurt badly, and I wasn’t there. I was late. I was walking down a muddy hill and from beside me, inside me, was “Remember Friday how you felt so tired? You just couldn’t get there on time? I worked that out for you. It would have been too much for you to have been there—there was already a lot of stress in that day. I know how much you can handle.”
Really? He knows? He cares? And I was so worried…I can trust Him?
Not that I am here doing nothing. School starts Monday, and I love teaching. Music and Choir classes. Cajueiro Claro Living Stones has kids waiting—so I will be joining Flavio in a 4k walk there and back during the mornings. I am helping Patricia and Cacau put together a character/Bible program for the PETI children—they have been asked to teach the other government workers as well, and I gotta keep up with my kidsJ.
I am getting to be a pretty good cook—lentils, rice, sweet potatoes, and lots of bananas with every kind of juice imaginable—and enjoy living in an apartment with Emily and Brittnay, who are teaching at the International school as well. I joined the gym and they actually have trainers who tell you how to do the weights and stuff (turns out I did a buncha things wrong before. Opps).
I met up with some friends and took Caleb, Chico, and Brittnay to Paudalho to see the lovely town. Yea coconut! Below is our apartment kitchen with (L) Karine, David, Brittnay, and (R) Emily, Lindsay, Caleb, Chico.
Thank you, all you who have been praying.
“Beauty beckons us. Beauty invites us. Come, explore, immerse yourself. God–beauty Himself–invites us to know Him. He delights in alluring us and in revealing himself to those who wholeheartedly seek Him. He wants to be known. A woman does too. She fears it, but below the fear is a longing to be known, to be seen as beautiful and enjoyed. So the unveiled beauty of a woman entices and invites. The heart of the woman determines what she is inviting others to–to life or to death.
A woman who is striving invites others to strive. The message is, “Get your act together. Life is uncertain. There is no time for your heart here. Shape up. Get busy.” She does not say “All is well. All shall be well.” Her fear does not allow it. she is withholding the very things her world needs. By contrast a woman whose heart is at rest invites others to rest. We are invited to be ourselves. You find room for your soul. It expands. You can breathe again. That is what it is like to be with a beautiful woman. You are free to be you. It is one of life’s greatest gifts.
The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come–unguarded, undistracted–to be fully present, fully engaged with whoever we are with at that moment. When we offer our unguarded presence, we live like Jesus. And we invite others to do the same.”–Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge
“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”–Is. 30:15
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