March 11, 2011
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Friendship at the Margins, pt. 4
Naming the Ambiguities and Tensions & A Spirituality Fit for the Margins:
“There are people who are victims and others who exploit, but even then the stories are often messier and the histories are more convoluted than they first appear. If forming friendships with exploited people is important to us, we will be drawn into complicated situations. We will probably get splashed with some of the ambiguity and uncertainty.”
“As Christians, we long to bring healing to broken circumstances and to be instruments of God’s reconciling and healing work. Americans tend to take that a step further and expect to be able to solve problems quickly, on our terms with our tools. But that assumes a level of power and control that is sometimes unavailable and often inappropriate. “
“The poorer a person is, old or sick, with a severe mental handicap or close to death, the more the cry is solely for communion and for friendship. The more then the heart of the person who hears the cry, and responds to it, is awoken.” –Jean Vanier
“The ones who will be able to resist evil and offer hope are those who are morally and spiritually tender, deeply committed to holiness and integrity, and aware of their own frailty and dependence on Christ. Most Christians want and expect success stories and clean categories. Missionaries and urban workers rarely find the freedom in church to talk about their deepest challenges or uncertainties. A disturbing number of congregations make it clear (non-verbally, but it is felt) that they don’t really want people whose lives are a mess (especially after they have become Christians), who aren’t cured of their problems quickly and completely, or who don’t successfully escape troubled circumstances.”
(A song writer working with the poor asked) What kind of songs can child victims of human trafficking—kids forced to prostitute and former child soldiers—sing? What does worship sound like in their mouths? How do they proclaim the goodness of God when that goodness seems so far from their experience? Could we find the courage to sing the songs they’d write? Could we find new expressions of worship written by the victims of evil and exploitation?”
“We cannot do ‘whatever it takes.’ In fact, we can never commit ourselves to whatever it takes. How we get to the goal is often as important as that we get there. If we do whatever it takes, our tools eventually become indistinguishable from the practices we thought we were resisting. The way we take on evil and exploitation matters…To live within some of these ambiguities requires a purity of heart that is not afraid of the tensions and difficulties and is not naïve about the human capacity for evil.”
“Unless our daily experience includes friendship with people who are poor or exploited, it is easy to romanticize those relationships. The reality requires honesty about the challenges and humility to recognize our limitations…People who have been exploited need more than a single friendship. They need to be welcomed into a network of friendships and relationships where their presence and gifts matter to the community and where various members of the community can walk with them toward healing.” (Sounds like a good definition of what ‘church’ should be.)
“A wise friend once observed that we are most likely to worry about the people we see first thing in the morning. If we live in comfortable circumstances, we need to make decisions to plant one foot in another world. Only then will we keep friends in mind as we make our choices each day.”
“God’s work of healing and reconciliation is mysterious, costly, and wonderful. Being able to participate in it through the mutuality of friendship is a surprising and life-giving gift. Journeying into places of suffering, abuse and abandonment takes its toll, but together with friends, we find a way forward, stumbling into the open arms of a loving God.”
What to do:
A. There is always more to the story than you know. And it is messy—Love anyway.
B. You can’t fix it. Give the power and control back to God.
C. Be spiritually ready for the ambiguities and uncertainties that come in life by being tender and humble, committed to holiness and dependent on God.
D. Evaluate how you are reaching your objectives. The end does not justify the means. Be wise about your own frailty and tendency towards sin.
E. Be (or begin) part of a community that can have and offer these mutual friendships.
F. Seek out those who are in need.
