1. Today was beautiful. Finally getting warm.

2. I decided to get “How to write Personal Essay” books out of the library. The facts around this are hazy. Suffice it to say that I love libraries.

3. I have been home for long enough to feel that everything is under control, but not long enough to feel normal.

4. The house was clean and I caught up on HULU. House, by the way, ran away from his problems and is at the beach at the end of season 7.

5. Pumpkin pie and cold noodles. Food I enjoyed immensely today.

6. I am beginning to think that 21 is a very high number that will not come fast enough.

7. I am ready to begin new projects, I was just waiting for them to show up.

8. It always sounds nice to try to do things every day for a year. But I have not managed to do almost anything (besides the obvious things) every day for a year. David inspires me with his taking a picture and posting it every day on facebook.

9. I figured a month would be nice. A month of doing something every single day. But Memorial day took my energies away from getting something started earlier, so I don’t have a month before I leave for California, and of course everything should stop in the presence of something wonderful like a trip to Cali.

10. 21 days. Perfect. Three weeks. Habits are made and broken in 21 days, right? I read that somewhere.

11. I also read this quote: “I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.” –Henry David Thoreau

12. That made me laugh. Because I have been thinking about what I talk about most of the time. And it is me.

13. That made me sad. Because I would rather have much bigger things to talk about about.

14. On my bucket list, I have various things to do once a day for a year: take a picture, draw something, write 500 words. There could easily be more–memorize a Bible verse, talk to a stranger, eat something different, make your bed, floss–I do, by the way, floss every day. More than once a day if I eat mangos.

15. Discipline. I need more discipline in my life. This goes back to my control issues…

17. The book was called “Naked, Drunk, and Writing” by Adair Lara, and it was much less scandalous than the title. Adair and her friend wrote 500 words a day, switched, and then highlighted at least one line of what they liked in the other’s writing.

18. I skipped number 16.

19. After June 21st and California is a couple days and then Hong Kong. After Hong Kong is August 4th-18th when everything else that happens before Brazil must happen. So NOW is my 21 days.

20. May 31, 2011, I officially decide to write (at least) 500 words per day for the next 21 days. Probably to be posted. Because I normally do that. I pose no other limitations on content.

21. And now you’ve read my 21 reasons why, in 539 words.

–by Muhammad-al-Ghuzzi

Take a pen in your uncertain fingers

Trust, and be assured

That the whole world is a sky blue

Butterfly

And words are the nets to capture it

*

I stared up at the cloudy night sky and bright white foam-capped waves coming at me at south beach, Miami. Nope, I am not ready to settle down yet. I like the whole galavanting around life.

God, please tell me it isn’t about drudgery and doing what seems right–tell me it is about abundance and extravagance and desire and beauty and living life to the brim, knowing “yes, this is the best.”

So the rapture didn’t happen last Saturday. And while I laughed with the rest of them when an friend stood next to the people proclaiming the end and held up a sign “will marry before rapture,” something inside me still envied them. It takes guts to believe in something so…risky. To believe it enough to make it change what you are doing on a daily basis. Staking their reputation, time, and energy on something that could be so embarrassing. That WAS so embarrassing. Putting all your eggs in one basket.

Not that I know anything about the situation.

I still have not decided if I believe in coincidence or not. “V for Vendetta” got me thinking. And aren’t those days when the littlest thing touches you and you think “man, God is so good to me…” wonderful? That He plans out the minute details. That everything happens for a reason. I want to find the reason why everything happens. I want to read God into every aspect of my life. But then again…

Sometimes I wonder if I go overboard. Overanalyze. I get to the point where I want to scream “Why does it feel like Christianity is telling me to thank God/give God the glory for all the good things that happen, and blame myself or satan if something bad happens?” When something bad happens, does it mean I messed up (consequences), there is spiritual warfare (so I just need to keep going), or I just move on, do the best I can, and say “hey, bad things happen–it is life.”

For example…the randomness of my broken car. Sometimes it would start, sometimes it wouldn’t. So I sat in the car thinking “God, are you trying to tell me something here, or am I just supposed to go get the car fixed–or both?” I know the answer is…just live life with God–but it just seems to look different all the time. Being open to listening is darn hard.

Six Strings–by Federico Loria

The guitar

Makes dreams cry

The sobbing

Of lost souls

Escapes

Its round mouth.

And like a tarantula

It weaves a huge star

To catch sighs

That float from its black

Wooden back

*

Who am I if I am not Brazil? Not what I do or accomplish? Not a reflection of the people I know?

What else do I talk about?

What is the difference between our heart and our personality? Are we willing to let God have/change both? If He does, will there be anything left?

And other such questions. I like questions.

I had a nice trip back to the USA two weeks ago. I discovered my ability to sleep through take offs/landings. Blow up my neck pillow, put on my eye shades, take off my shoes, and poof.

I hit the ground running, going shopping (making the country switch always seems to end up with me not having clothes when I return), being with friends and family, and feeling a general warm fuzzy happiness. My dad decided to grow a beard while I was gone, and let it grow crazy until the resident haircutter returned from Brazil. Rowan decided to get cuter, and my Aunt and Uncle were in town from California. Good stuff.

The first week home I was able to attend my graduation at IUPUI, get with lots of wonderful people who love me, dance around the house with John singing “Waka, Waka” (the world cup song), go to the creation museum, get deliriously dizzy going contradancing for Carina’s birthday, unpack, get my documents ready for getting my visa, and get four bags of books for Brazil at the library sale. MY WORD I love used books.

The second week being home I wasn’t home much at all. I went to Chicago for a couple days–had great time with Lillian–hoping she will be able to come visit me in Brazil sometime soon! Met with lots of other friends and stayed at JPUSA (something everyone should do. It is just a good thing), while I applied for my student visa to return to Brazil August 18th.

The only sad part was my cranky car that decided not to work when I was on my way to the Supercamp reunion. Luckily, it was nice enough to take me to Peoria a couple days later, where I had a lovely time with one of my bestest friends Karianne and her family. She took pretty pictures that made me feel special.

Now I am home again, the car is fixed (dang distributer), we got to celebrate Dad’s birthday with all the funny stories we could remember, and John and I rode bikes over 11 miles yesterday. Life is pretty good:).

I still get excited about food (today was good ol’ mac n’ cheese from the box) I don’t normally have in Brazil. And hot water/baths blow my mind. I have had a couple internal freakouts and empty inside feelings in making the Brazil/USA switch, but normally a good sleep cures it well. I am excited about the opportunities I have–and want to make the most of the time while I have it. I have lots of pictures/jewelry/stuff to show you and EVERYONE who is interested…so just let me know.

My journey in becoming a missionary hasn’t been traditional. When I was 16, I went on a short term missions trip to Brazil for two weeks and soon after knew that Brazil had a place in my heart and life. Five years later, I stayed with Tele Moraes and his family, missionaries with World Renewal International, for a three month internship. After that, they asked me to return and teach English at an International school they were beginning. Now, after eight years, I have lived in Brazil over three years, going back and forth because a tourist visa only allows a six month a year stay. I have taught English, learned Portuguese, and had experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Since 2008, I have been working with the Living Stones program. This is where my heart is, and my vision is to assist/start 10 Living Stones in 10 towns in 10 years. Living Stones is the outreach and church planting ministry in progress in Northeast Brazil. The mission of Living Stones is two-fold: meeting the needs of the children within the community, while planting/being a part of a growing church plant that is reaching out to the whole family. Living Stones helps L-E-N-D: L: Love, E: Education, N: Nutrition, D: Direction (www.buildinglivingstones.blogspot.com ).

Being young and single, I have been able to keep my expenses very low: living with family while in the USA and working to cover costs, and minimal expenses in Brazil (plane ticket/visa costs about $2000 a trip, while food, housing, and other expenses being about $350 a month). While I have never had a problem asking anyone for donations for my kids at Living Stones, asking for myself has always created a hole in my throat. The other problem is that the US dollar is also worth much less than it was in the past—meaning the same expenses cost much more.

It has been a struggle for me to trust God to creatively work together the desires He has given me: for Living Stones, and having a family. Putting down roots and making solid, permanent decisions scares the brave out of me, but I need to have a complete budget that truly has my needs and future in mind. While I do not know my exact plan for the future, I know that Brazil is a permanent part of it. My position/amount of time in Brazil may fluctuate, but wherever I am, I will continue to represent and advocate for the Living Stones program and the children that it serves.

My monthly budget  is $850 a month ($200 Food/Transportation, $150 House/rent, $150 Other expenses/Savings/Emergency, $100 Health insurance, $150 Ministry Expenses ,$100 Taxes). By having these guidelines, I am saving for tomorrow, as well as having more opportunities to give. I am not a traditional missionary—but this is what God has called me to. Thank you for your support throughout all of these changes. If you would like to help support me, you can donate online at http://www.wribrazil.com/rachel.html or contact me at amobrasil99@hotmail.com for other options.

This year in Brazil Living Stones has gone through many changes. I arrived to find the program on hold at Paudalho, due to construction and changes. I wasn’t sure what that meant for me, but there was plenty to do, as well as becoming the music and choir teacher at the International school.  The new Living Stones curriculum needed to be tested and translated into Portuguese as well, because some ideas just don’t work in another country and culture.

While putting together a ministry website (www.buildinglivingstones.blogspot.com), updating, and organizing our missions statement, objectives, and general information (www.wribrazil.com/livingstones.html), I have begun talking with other churches interested in beginning a Living Stones program, and putting all the information into Portuguese.

A second Living Stones project began last year in Cajueiro Claro. It is a small community of 1000 people, about two miles off the main road, in the middle of nowhere. I began walking there with Flavio (the church planter/pastor/Living Stones worker) a couple times a week, and soon found these children holding a special place in my heart. The rural needs are different and sometimes complex, but it has been a rewarding time in Cajueiro Claro (even with the frogs, bats, lizards, scorpions, and snails I weekly clean out of my classroom).

We are hoping to reopen Living Stones Paudalho in August, but in the meantime, we have been able to keep in contact with the kids through home visitation and special activities, like our Easter program. These past months have been a big transition for me personally, as I have gone from assisting/observing to teaching/running the character and Bible program for Living Stones (in Portuguese).

Since my tourist visa is expired, I will be returning to the United States to get a student visa. I have been accepted into the post-grad program at FALUB, a university in Brazil, to study educational psychology. It begins in August, so I will have some time with friends and family, as well as a opportunity to teach with Supercamp in Hong Kong  for the month of July.

When I return to Brazil, I will study at FALUB, continue teaching English as a ministry, and work with Living Stones in Cajueiro Claro and Paudalho, as well as working to connect and begin projects in other towns. Thank you for your support and prayers!

…and it still continues to rain. I thought that would make it stop.

(the people to the left are standing on what used to be the bridge connecting Paudalho–which is now all underwater.)

Basically everything I planned to do last week was canceled. Many school’s were canceled. When you don’t have a car and rely on public transportation, rain puts a damper on going anywhere. Flooding has been very serious in Recife and many of the surrounding towns. The trail to Cajueiro Claro was a mud slide ending in a big pool of water that is too big to be called a puddle. The place I was going to meet some of the girls from Living Stones Paudalho was literally under water.

(Those electrical wires made me nervous)

So please keep the family’s who are flooded/in danger of being flooded out in your prayers. Thank you.

My random David inspired picture from my trip to Recife.

So my “to do” lists are getting smaller, with more things being crossed out…getting ready to leave soon.

“I am not white, I am strawberry!” I said defiantly two weeks ago in the Kombe, as we were on our way to Friday night church at Cajueiro Claro. Whoever wants to go meets in the center of Paudalho by 6:30pm. Flavio tells everyone to be there by 6:15, but we never leave before 6:45. I was tired of all the remarks of how white I was, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished I hadn’t said them. One more thing for them to laugh about. Laughing is fun. But sometimes, I just want to be taken seriously.

Last Friday they threw a goodbye party for their strawberry. Me. In the small town of Cajueiro, there are three main families that are a part of the church—the rest of us come from Paudalho. Those three families brought the most beautiful cake, snacks, desserts, and soda. It was delicious. Even more was that the church themselves did it. The consensus was that may be American, but I have a heart of a Brazilian.

They stood up in the front of the church and bragged on me until I turned even more strawberry than before. The kids had made a poster for me and everyone signed it. We sat around with the music in the background and I knew it was a moment…one of those moments where you are cognizant enough to realize that these are the moments of our lives—the ones worth living, and that I will treasure forever.

I am only leaving for three months—if everything goes as planned. Brazilians are always looking for a reason to celebrate. It is really neat to be on the receiving end of that. Sinte sua falta: “We will feel the lack of your presence.” And they really meant it.

It was a very special time with a beautiful cake and all the new friends I have made this year. I’ve become a part of this group that squishes into the Kombe and rattles over the bumps to Cajueiro Claro. How incredible it is to be a part of something. When I was surprised by the party, I realized I was receiving so much more than I gave. Something about being celebrated makes it all worth it. All the walking. All the kid’s attitudes. All the little hardships. It was like a big sigh and breath and “Oh, so this is why I do all this. It really is worth it.”

And when I look at it realistically, I leave often—this whole going back and forth. And for it to be specially celebrated…caught me off guard. Wow. And there are others who do so much more. And for so much longer—I gave what—a semester. A semester and they open their arms to me. Edi was already close to tears about me leaving. Lucas wrote me a letter. They threw me a party. I am loved.  

These should be redone and added to regularly:)

General/overall:

1.       Live a life surrendered and in love with Jesus

2.       Make a difference in the world—be a good connector

3.       Have successful relationships

4.       Get married

5.       Have kids and adopt

6.       Live debt free

7.       Have a place to bring people home to

8.       Be there for my family and close friends

9.       Show the children in Northeast Brazil that God loves them in practical ways

10.   Speak out against evil and oppression

Specific:

11.   Help start/assist 10 Living Stones in 10 towns in 10 years

12.   Own a palm tree

13.   Maintain a blog with 200 weekly readers

14.   Kiss the love of my life in the rain, some nice PDA

15.   Swim with dolphins/ whale watching

16.   Go on a Disney cruise with kids

17.   Bike across the country (or at least across the state)

18.   Learn to sail/surf

19.   Travel Greece to Cairo

20.   Design and plant my own garden

21.   Take one picture a day for a year

22.   Draw a picture a day for a year

23.   Write 500 words a day for a year

24.   Give away money for no reason to someone I don’t know

25.   Pass out hot chocolate to black Friday customers

26.   Have a day of absolute silence

27.   Learn to play the guitar (again) and play in public with the case open

28.   Invite 3-5 strangers to eat at my house

29.   Eat only rice and beans for a week or a month

30.   Learn to drive a stick shift

31.   Hike/camp carrying all my own gear for two weeks

32.   Float down the Amazon on a boat, in a hammock

33.   Go a week without shoes

34.   See the Northern lights

35.   Travel India by train

36.   Go hang gliding

37.   Serve on a jury

38.   Donate blood

39.   Go on a honeymoon

40.   Build an igloo and sleep in it

41.   Learn the star constellations

42.   Ride a horse bareback

43.   Organize a parade and march in it

44.   Do a back flip on the trampoline

45.   Fast for a month

46.   Achieve and maintain my ideal weight

47.   Run a marathon

48.   See a giraffe in the wild

49.   Walk where Jesus walked

50.   Snuggle in a hammock

51.   Find my doppelganger

52.   Memorize (and quote often) a long beautiful poem

53.   Memorize a song in Italian

54.   Go on a pilgrimage

55.   Learn how to play chess

56.   Make a list of 100 books I want to read and then read them

57.   Go Wwoofing

58.   Write for NaNoWriMo

59.   Write a book a year for the next 10 years

60.   Crochet while making a public speech

Already done that used to be on my list:

61.   Speak another language fluently

62.   Live with a family in a different country

63.   Cook/survive on your own in another country

64.   Teach English in another country

65.   Work/go to Supercamp

66.   Act in a play

67.   Write a book/publish something

68.   Fall in love

69.   Road trip across the USA

70.   See a play on Broadway

71.   Go ice skating in Central Park

72.   Make cookies and give them to strangers

73.   Know that God loves me

74.   Make homemade ice cream

75.   Become a vegetarian—or at least try it for a month

76.   Learn how to cut hair

77.   Learn to juggle

78.   Donate my hair to Locks of Love

79.   Live on $2.50 a day for a month

80.   Fast Ramadan. As a Christian

81.   Sleep under the stars

82.   Read the whole Bible

83.   Climb trees

84.   Go Bungee jumping

85.   Eat picnics in interesting/new places

86.   Try new foods

87.   Sleep at the bottom of Grand Canyon

88.   Sing Karaoke

89.   Eat pumpkin ice cream at the Covered Bridge Festival

90.   Graduate from college

Easter morning breakfast was yummy. Brazilians know how to eat good.

Wednesday Frank got on a plane and we will miss him

On Thursday I visited some of the homes and got to play Santa claus, bringing toys to some of the kids in Paudalho. Here is one of the cuties:

She is the youngest of 8 girls–the oldest is 13. They live in mud and stick house

I had posted a prayer request about one of the girls being kidnapped–I was able to visit her, and she is doing well–with her beautiful smile.

Things are coming to a close quickly…please pray for smooth transitions.