September 20, 2011
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Day 8 Anna
I also wrote college papers about Anna. This was about delinquency.
Anna is a 21 year old, white, middle-class female. I put the interview into first person narrative, but it is at best a paraphrase.
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I was from a very conservative family that went to church and homeschooled their children. It was put on me by my peers that I was naïve; and that bothered me. It was always in the back of my mind that I didn’t know enough about the world. Be it my inquisitive nature, plus trying to over-compensate for my naivety, I had it in my head that I would try everything once, just once, no matter what it was. This was magnified by my nature, which is very restless.
For a lot of children, when they would get depressed, they would feel suicidal. I always wanted to run away. I always wanted to do something—to be somewhere else. That was always my answer. I didn’t mean it as an end all solution, but rather as something hopeful: maybe I would find “it”—something better. While I never ran away from home without telling anyone, I was always one step away from it in my mind. When I got older, I knew it was stupid to go alone, so I connected with anyone who would go with me. Those were my close friendships.
I always gravitated to friends that were also labeled “crazy.” They were the people who wanted to try new things—were curious and restless like me. Whenever we got together we would try to find adventure. Our goal was not to get in trouble, but that sometimes happened. I would have gotten in worse trouble growing up if I would have had destructive friends, but the ones I was with were more curious than disruptive. Even at age 6 I would run around, wanting to explore things: I was determined to never say I was “bored.” I would just find something to do.
The first time I stole, it was an accident: I had put a bracelet on my wrist and forgot to take it off. My mother made me return it, and that was embarrassing and I cried. There were a lot of factors that went into my stealing when I was older. I was fascinated by the scene in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” where they take simple things just for fun. I read a book on anarchy and “How to Steal This Book,” and they made it sound like you were doing something courageous—not stealing from an individual, but from the “system.” Once you get used to doing something, you rationalize it any way you can. When I got caught for shoplifting, I was calm. I just did what they said and they were nice about it. I had to go to court, but they worked with me.
Stealing isn’t fun anymore. Getting caught broke my habit and made the association of stealing with unpleasant results and feeling guilty. When I was younger, stealing didn’t bother me so much because it was just me if I got caught. But now I can’t be so selfish—I have a family.
People often say I seem cynical. But while I see the bad, I choose to see the good, blocking out the bad. I have learned that you can have fun adventures that are not illegal. There are so many options—safer ways—out there. My past delinquency was made up of wanting to break my naivety by trying everything once, curiosity, restlessness, desire for adventure, and socialization/connection. I have learned how to not be overly cautious, but to be sensible.
To children leaning towards delinquency today, I would tell them to know that they could be caught at any minute—so don’t make it the stupid thing you do that they catch you at. It really does effect others and it often leads to doing bigger things that you would not have done otherwise. If you have a lot of friends that are into delinquent activities—get new friends, because otherwise it will make it harder to stop when you want to.
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PS—she doesn’t steal anymore. And I didn’t post this until I had her permission.
