December 10, 2011
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These past weeks have been like “Little Men.” I have all my little men gathered around me, and I feel like quite the mother hen. It is beautiful. And they get into scraps and I get serious and then tousle their hair once more. I rather love touseling.
I came up with this amazing idea that the boys should be able to cook on their own. I figured I would do a favor for their future wives. So for the past two weeks, every day we have a “master of the kitchen.” Some days turn out better than others.
A couple “masters.”One morning as Flavio was talking, Demas started crying. I don’t really know why—God was speaking to him, or something. It was definitely conviction, because Flavio certainly didn’t say anything very convicting. The other boys saw and giggled. I nipped that in the bud. But it began something. Soon Flavio was crying. Soon Paulo, then Ivanilson, and even Geu. The girls had tears coming down, and Lucas hid in his shirt. Flavio kept saying how much he loved them. How much God loved them. How we wanted so much more for them than just to be little street kids. How they weren’t—they were special and chosen by God. How they would be the difference in their community. I was doing all I could to not bubble over.
We had a picnic, and went exploring around Cajueiro Claro. That is the benefit of working in the middle of nowhere: it is the middle of nowhere, and extremely beautiful, wild, countryside. Complete with donkeys.
I love it. I love it so much that I am scared it won’t stay. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Every time I have a wonderful feeling fear enters my heart because I am always wondering when I will have to say goodbye. When it will go away and never come back. Why am I so scared of abandonment? It is something deep inside me. Something that says if it is this good, it will never last.
I want to simply enjoy what I have, when I have it. I love these kids. It is something beautiful. Something good. Thank you God, for this special time. Even though I do not know how long it will last. I stop to thank you for what is, not worry about what may be.
