January 7, 2012
-
Duty and Love
“Duty is only washing your hands when they are dirty. I fell in love when I was 17—with God. A foolish girl with romantic notions about the life of a religious—but my love was passionate. Over the years my feelings have changed. He’s disappointed me, ignored me. We’ve settled into a relationship of peaceful indifference. The old husband and wife who sit side by side on the sofa, but rarely speak. He knows I will never leave him. This is my duty. But when love and duty are one—then grace is within you.” –The Painted Veil
Beautiful movie. God, I don’t want our relationship to be duty. I don’t want the side by side on the sofa. Ever. That’s not enough for me. Please Lord, don’t ever let it be enough. And it scares me God, because why? Why were You only that to the beautiful nun who gave her life for You? She gave up men and sex and children and roots and memories…
God, why does it seem that You abandon the ones who love you the most, while You romance so many who are indifferent to You?
Sometimes it seems like the ones who are faithful and diligent—well—like You leave them in the pen while You search after the stray. The 90 and 9, alone, while You get that one. Didn’t the 99 need You then too? People say it is because You trust them (the one like the nun), but I say that is a bunch of BS. It makes me want to run away, just to feel You coming after me. I would rather be punished by You than ignored. The crying child always gets more attention than the obedient quiet one. Not fair.
Would You ask just plain duty of me? I am scared to even ask You, because I suddenly realize I don’t know You at all, God. All my pathetic little sins and substitutes are my weak calls for something more—for some tiny vision of who You really are—that OTHER—that part that is so different from me: the non-human part that makes You God and me a mortal. It is beyond my mind and that kills me slowly—to know You would certainly kill me, but what a beautiful death.
How can I know You more? I don’t want to just see the love shown in movies, but the love I get just a glimpse of every once in awhile that stops my heart. Not just the extravagance I see in nature, but that sneaks up behind me and leaves just as I turn, so I am only left with a hint of what was. Every quality of You God is so deep, that humans only touch the surface of it all. Take me deeper. No matter what it takes.
Comments (5)
God never asks just duty. In the parable of the prodigal son, the older son was just as prodigal (if not more so) than the younger. The older son didn’t understand the love of his father. He didn’t bask in and enjoy the privileges he had at home because he was all focused on himself and his works. The older son saw his place as all duty and obligation and lacked joy. The father was grieved that his older son had no real experiential understanding of his love for him, and ended up crying out to him, “Don’t you understand, my son! All that I have is yours – and all that I have ever had has always been yours! O, my son, you have spent all your years here with me, and yet you have missed out on the joy I wanted to give you!” That was Jesus’ commentary on the heavy-laden, joyless existence of the Pharisees… and a reminder to us that He has so much more for us… Yes, as Christians we all have works God’s ordained for us to walk in, and yet His yoke IS easy and His burden is light. Jesus came so we might have life and life abundantly…
Psalms 16:11 You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of JOY;
at your right hand are PLEASURES forevermore.
Colossians 1:9 And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with JOY, 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. 13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Philippians 2:12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. 14 Do all things WITHOUT grumbling or questioning…
“Take me deeper. No matter what it takes.” ~ A dangerous, but an exciting and necessary prayer – and a prayer God will surely answer! Proverbs 4:18; John 1:16.
I liked this post.
I think it has to do with ‘the testing of your faith’ that leads to perfection. Being refined in the fire. Purified as gold, removing the dross. Being faithful out of pure love, with no expectation. He does promise that the low will be brought high… ‘there are many mansions in My Father’s house’.
These 3 scriptures came up when I Googled ‘testing of your faith’
James 1:3
1 Peter 1:7
2 Corinthians 13:5
@naphtali_deer - thank you for your thought out and encouraging reply! yes…i love tese scriptures, and know their truth, but still at times things feel much more like duty than anything else. thank you for your reminder.
@JstNotherDay - thank you! i love google–and am finding it a great tool for scripture hunting as well:) God bless you and keep you.
@rwinzeler - You’re welcome. I SO agree with this… “still at times things feel much more like duty than anything else.”
That’s when we can ask God to take the truths we have read in the Bible and which we know in our heads and impart to us a living and vibrant sense of those truths … Jonathan Edwards made the distinction between our knowing for a fact honey is sweet versus our actually tasting it, which is when we actually come to have the sense of its sweetness; and in a similar way, we can come to experience the loveliness, beauty and grace of God. (See Edwards’ “A Divine & Supernatural Light.” I also wrote about that here.)
Habakkuk 3:17-19.