June 3, 2012
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June and wearing a Coat
A coat in June? And sandals. Because I can’t find any socks in the mess called my room. I am home. I am sleeping in the little area I’ve called mine since I was 13. When I crawl under the covers I wonder if I have returned to then, and all the rest was just a dream. I fight an inner war to hold on to who I am instead of returning to what always was.
I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve experienced: but that is the me in Brazil. It is like it doesn’t count here. No one saw it, I am the only witness. And minutes, days pass over me like water, washing it all away. I am drowning in the old me, struggling to find my feet and be the person I know I am: to bring all that happened, here. I am fighting to bring the pieces of myself into a whole.
Life divides: Brazil, Indiana, rich, poor…irreconcilable circles moving in opposite directions. I pull together, bringing in all the disagreements and making them mine–making them me. I shouldn’t expect this to be easy. It is good to be home.
