rwinzeler's Xanga

Dia De Beleza

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:20:40 GMT

Alyssa came with me to Living Stones this week and we did a special "beauty day" for the girls. This month we are working on hygiene, from brushing teeth and washing hands to nail polish...

It was a lot of fun. i ended up the only one without any make-up on

healthy food is good too.

Have a happy week everyone! and thank you...i received a couple e-mails that really encouraged me this week...and a couple money gifts that are going to provide for November activities for Living Stones. God bless you.

Waterfalls

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 10:42:57 GMT

Last Sunday we took a trip to Bonito (literally...Beautiful--in a masculine form...so i guess it would be...Hansom. or something). Five different waterfalls and lots of walking (trilia) in between.

I told the guys that i was anti-sunga (speedos) and they should put on some shorts. but sungas it is in Brasil.

Sitting under the waterfall, with it all coming down on top of you...you almost desolve into pieces and forget everything else.

Each waterfall had itś own personality. especially when sideways. sorry about that.

Aninha and me.

Junior, Aninha, and Marcello

Beautiful dayz.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 10:59:27 GMT

"The cry that arises from behind all this decadence is clearly: "Is there anybody who loves me? Is there anybody who really cares? is there anybody who wants to stay home for me? Is there anybody who wants to be with me when i am not in control, when i feel like crying? Is there anybody who can hold me and give me a sense of belonging?""--Henri Nouwin

Prayer requests:
*Tables and chairs. We currently have one table and bench, three mini-tables and 17 mini-chairs, and 4 regular size chairs. and 76 children squished in corners and on the floor.

*November trip to Word of Life. They have generously offered to let us use their pool (many of the kids have never been to a pool). But we need $175 to rent a bus to get all the kids there.

*Community church teen retreat November 22. I am bringing the older girls from Living Stones to join the teens from church for this day long event.

*Christmas. enough said. all that kind of stuff.

*Food. currently, the government provided meat. Everything else for the past couple of weeks has been provided by the generosity of YOUS. This is most often a political issue, which makes me upset...but i will save that rant for another day. and just say thank you once more.

*Spiritual needs of each one of these precious children.

thank you for your prayers. love. kindness. smiles.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 10:34:09 GMT

3 blocks down
School is just out for the afternoon
Children laughing
the bell rings

2 corners away
the man is Pentacostal preaching
it sounds the same
in any language

1 block over
the neighbor is asking to borrow
a pan to bake a cake
the car drives down the street
radio singing broken-hearted

The tree above me
holds birds chirping
I am sleeping
in the hammock
with the sounds of today
below
behind
and together

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 10:23:33 GMT

Some of my current English students:).

This is the cook/janitor/errand runner/whatever else we need. He brought his two nephews.

Alexandra, Vera, and Alexandro. Mom is a prostitute. Dad is a drunk. Alexandra has a tumor irritated by lice, open sores all over her head. Most often, Alexandra and Alexandro live alone since their parents "go away" for work. We managed to have her take off her cap long enough for a picture. Vera was adopted by her aunt, so leads a better life, but is constantly reminded she was taken out of the trash pile. Alexandro works at the Feira, trying to stay out of drugs and not often succeeding.

Cleyton's nickname is "Principe Encantado" or Prince Charming, because whenever they do fairytale plays, they always make him play the prince. he is my sweety.

Rafaella, in the middle, ran home last week "Risonaide! you need to get saved. Come to church with me." it was more of a command than a request. Risonaide (left) and Rafaella both gave their lives to Jesus last week.

I took 12 pictures of Eduardo (Right), and every time he managed to turn around. Then he cheesed for this picture. moody. Isac (Left) is the youngest of five. All of his older brothers are in jail for selling drugs. He loves playing soccer and always is bouncing something around his feet.

Wedja and Joseane...and their crush, Josenildo, who was enjoying the attention.

Alexanjela. One of our new kids. to put it bluntly, she is a terror. but, like most terrors, she is full of charm and hugs and kisses and makes it all better in the end. She is one of those that you have to sit down, put their face in your hands and make them look you in the face. You speak clear and slow and look her in the eye. Then she decides she can't get around you or manipulate you...and you live much better after that.

hmmm. there are so many more stories.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 10:06:48 GMT

"Wake up, Marcus"
"Is it the party yet?"
"No, just time for school."
"Oh."

This is Marcus Vinicius. He has been waiting for the Children´s day party for a long time now. a year. Last year Living Stones put on a party--the works--for the kids. October 12 is Childrenś Day in Brasil, but only for those with money to spend. This year, with the money YOU GUYS provided (all of you lovely people who donated for the jewelry I brought back from Brasil), we had the second Childrenś Day party. and, like so many other things in life, it isn't just about the party. It is about being cared for. Loved. Noticed. Belonging. And maybe a little picture of Godś hands on earth.

Bounce house

Ball pool

"Pula-Pula" trampoline

Clown

Limitless cotton candy, popcorn, cake, and hot dogs. the whole week i was joking with the kids to leave four spaces in their belly. we talked about the fluffy sugar. we drooled over it. build up is everything. Even Patricia and Cacau couldn't sleep the night before the party...

It was beautiful.
Wonderful.
Wish you could have been there.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 04:01:14 GMT

The good news is, almost 120 kids are coming each day to Living Stones. the bad news is, almost 120 kids are coming each day to Living Stones. You ask God for something and then are overwhelmed when He gives it. yep. or at least I am like that.

Oddles of kids. squishin out the corners. 76ish in the afternoons. Including a couple of savory criancas that make life more colorful. interesting. and stressful.

But good. And a lot of games of dodgeball in between.

God has been providing food in wonderful ways, the church getting more involved, and different people at the school helping out. Food is coming in different paths every week it seems...but always coming.

Thank you to those who are giving.

http-equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.0 (Linux)"> Three mothers and ten new kids showed up today. Patricia and Cacau meet them with a smile. I must say...I tried not to cringe. I havent gotten down this whole ¨Serve¨ stuff yet. 70 kids at once is a lot. Three teachers. Without enough chairs. Without enough tables. Without enough cups and plates and spoons. There is always something to complain about, isnt there? I went around gathering plates and cups from the kids who received their food first, washed them quickly, and put food on them for the kids who hadn’t received yet.

I sat and listened to Patricia and Cacau tell me more stories of the kids. i tried to translate them correctly. quickly. without falling. I want to forget. to remain in ignorance. to know is to care and to care is to carry and to carry is heavy. I dont want to look into these faces and give them a hug and know that I am sending them home to a living hell.

And then I forget to see the light. There is so much light. and many more smiles. Thursday, the older girls planned a surprise party for Patricia and Cacau. They made a cake, bejinhos, crunchy cheesy things, and orange pop. And everyone managed to keep it a secret. that was the biggest part. all the lil' ones kept quiet. i was impressed.

It was beautiful. Patricia and Cacau were so encouraged.

They are rather cute, arent they?

Special gifts from the International school that made our day...worksheets and coloring sheets...you can never have enough.

And another week goes by. oh. and I had mid--terms at college. in Portuguese. that is always fun.

Golden Opportunity

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:11:04 GMT

He looked at me and found me lacking. “when I was 16, I started working. There was either school or work morning, afternoon, and night. And if I didn’t like it, it didn’t matter. That was the choice, and I did it because I had to. To put food on the table for my mom and sister. to get $100 a month. You have never felt that. Never felt the “have to.” You have made choices your whole life. If you work, it is because you want to—you want money to come to Brasil, to buy things. If you go to school it is because you want to—you want training to do things better. If you come to Brasil, it is because you want to—you want to help and serve. Deep down you know that if you ever really didn’t want it, you could leave. Leave Brasil. Leave your job. Leave school. Leave whatever project you have—because Rachel, you always have projects. You work hard, and you do a good job. But it is because you chose to, not because you had to.”

It is true. If I wake up this morning and JUST HAVE to go to the USA, I can. I have a house, family, car, money in the bank…not a lot, but enough. I will never go hungry. I will never have no place to sleep. I have never felt that pressure. And it made me sad. Silly me. I think my generation, in the USA, is missing this. Feels empty in some way, because they have missed something. Never had to. It is always about what we feel like doing. Sure, I try to follow God’s will. I follow my parent’s wishes and wise counsel. I do plenty of things I don’t feel like doing. But I do them because I choose to. I still know, in the end, that there were other options. Opportunities. The golden doors open to the world. It is beautiful. and yet…perhaps missing something. Something deep. Something that forges the gold.

I think one day I will arrive at this place. After I have more responsibilities. When it is my turn to take care of my parents. When I am married, but don’t want to be. When I have children. For everything there is a season. And when my time comes, I hope I am ready.

Until then...i freely admit my selfishness. I am grabby about my clothes, my food, my possessions. Ask first, please, and give me the opportunity to say NO. life doesn’t always work like that and I get upset. Upset that someone ate my banana. That someone used my computer. Or my shirt. And ruined it. I spend ungodly amounts of time weighing out the options. Figuring out what are the options…because I make the choice. All of them. When do I feel like getting up in the morning? Do I feel like jogging? What to eat? Bananas or mangos? What to wear? Pink or green? Feel, feel, feel, want, want, want…and most of the time…I get my way.

This time of my life is a gift. And with all gifts come responsibility. I was born in a land of opportunity. I was born to a family who had the means to give me a good education, and then let me go and do whatever I wanted. Most of the world does not have this. I am off and running, doing what I want to do. Doing what makes me happy. What I choose to do.

One day I will have “Have tos” in my life. Responsibilities that tie me so a place or a person or a situation. Right now I do not. And yes, this is a gift, but yes, I am also missing out on things. And I feel that too. I am at the inbetween time, when I see both sides. And maybe tomorrow it will change. Nothing is sound. But here it is today. And to me, the struggle is real.

So maybe it is about the little things. Because the big things fall into place rather quickly. After a long wait. But the little things…the getting up in the morning, the going where you need to go, the doing the dishes, the small exchanges with those you live with, those you love, those you don’t love so much.

Today is today. This is the day I’ve got. What am I going to do with it?

Being

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:01:13 GMT

http-equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.0 (Linux)">

They are everywhere. I walk to the store, and I hear “Tia! Tia! Tem PETI hoje?” yes, yes, I reply, we have Peti today. I had slipped away. I thought it was unnoticed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be there, it was just that I didn’t want to be anywhere. I hit one of those middle spots. Where you are neither here nor there. And just haven’t figured it out yet.

Being. Makes all the difference. Anywhere I go, there is one of the kids. Jogging. Buying juice. trying to be alone because I am tired, and I wish I wasnt feeling that way...but sometimes I do. And the next day they sneak up beside me and say ¨Tia, I saw you yesterday at the bakery.¨ And I smile and say ¨Yes, yes you did.¨ They like to walk with me to my house. because they want to know where I live. I think they are still trying to figure out if I am for real or not. I think I am too. Still trying to figure things out.

My uncle said it was about being. here. I know that. He reminded me of that. Not what I do, but what I am. But it is just so nice to see results. To do things, and see fruit. That doesn’t always happen, and so when it does, I get so happy. But the happy doesn’t last long. The high dies down and I wait for the next thing to do.

Because being is hard. So vague. So uncontrollable. And it is underrated. And lonely. Being is very alone. Very personal. Who are you when there is no one else. When there is no conversation. When there is no laughter. Most often, being is not noticed. Because in this world, you are valued by what you offer, what you have, what you can give me. I am weighing my relationships in my mind—do you have something I want, making this friendship worthwhile? Or are you just going to take, take, take, and drain me empty?

found an old picture from way back when...stars were just the holes to heaven.

Trash

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 11:31:28 GMT

http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"> name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12">I was sitting in statistics class. Taught by a teacher who is freaked out there are 100 of us. She knows she is outnumbered. And she teaches easy. So I bring a book. I am always reading. Above the edge of the book I see trash. Seven pieces of candy wrappers. It bothers me. I sigh. Who’s the pig who doesn’t know to use the trashcan? Stop, I say to myself…You be the change you want to see. You make the world that you want to live in. man. Quit being the person who complains about become the person who does. So I did. i stood up, picked up the wrappers, and put them in the trash. “Parabens!” I hear as I take my seat, “You deserve a congratulations” said my classmate, who then looked condemningly at the perpetrator until she looked convincingly guilty. I felt pink. I hadn’t expected to be noticed.

I took out the trash. Trashbags are the size of a McDonald’s value meal here. So I take them in a wheelbarrel and wheel them down to the corner. I left the gate open and when I returned the turtle was almost down the street. I swear that little guy waits until I open the door and makes a dash to freedom. Good thing his dashes are slow. At the corner, I dump the bags. Our little trash corner. Normally visited by the stray dogs. But today it was horses. At the dump corner. I slowed down with the wheel barrel. Three horses and a foal. They eyed me warily. One stomped the cobblestones. Horses are nice. Sweet. I collected horses on my shelf for years. Loved the things. Today I was just scared. They are big. But I had to dump the trash. I went around to the side, where one horse was munching on old corn meal from a neighbor’s breakfast. Slowly, I tipped the trash out into the pile. I couldn’t look them in the eye. They would smell the fear if I did. and then I walked back to the house. You never know what will happen to you when you take out the trash.