June 23, 2005
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May 12, 2005
Today was one of those days that makes you put your head back and say “life is such a trip!”
I left early because I had specific instructions to get Lamont to McDonalds for his first day at work at 4pm. but I had forgotten to take into consideration that today was the basketball tournament. by the time everyone got on, not only was I running late, but there were 20 people in the van! As I pulled on to the highway, my prayer turned into “Dear Lord, please just get us safe” as the van was lopsided from so many people and did not drive straight! Lamont was a few minutes late, but everything worked out fine. We had ALOT of new kids, and over 60 kids there. That always makes for an interesting time! We started Bible study early, and Kendra, who has been doing the girl’s Bible studies was not there yet. We walked over and I opened in prayer not knowing what the goodness I was going to say. But it was a God thing. I passed out Bibles and wondered what they needed to hear. Bible studies are every day and sometimes they seem like such a ritual. sometimes I just sit down and wonder why we do them. I mean, new kids get saved, but mostly it is the core group over and over who know all the basics…but yet, you don’t see it. so does that mean you preach them over and over until they do? And to see their faces just starring blankly…good grief, it did not matter if I spent years preparing these perfect words, they are not going to do a thing because the kids look like a blank TV, and they have chosen to turn off. So do you just gather them, sit them down, and preach how to be saved again? I wonder if preachers always think about things like “what if this is the last words they hear–are they enough?” or “There are so many good things to talk about, but what is the best–what is the one thing that will be life changing?” I ended up feeling led to go to Psalm 119:9-11 and talk about it as we went. I had the girls as questions, and we went the direction the girls were interested in spiritually. It went pretty well. But you know, even if it didn’t, it was God’s Word and that is the point. We stopped and prayed for the boy’s Bible study, because there were so many new people–and I believe 3 of the guys were saved. Please do pray though. Bible study is such an incredible opportunity. I feel like it is lacking…punch. power–supernatural power. I know not every day is “miracle day,” but in looking to not be disappointed, I think we have forgotten the wonder of serving a God who can do anything. Pray that God would give the words to the preachers and teachers that the time would be spent most effectively, that real change would happen. I CRAVE change. it makes me want to weed a garden or something because I can see the results so quickly and easily. the gardens of these souls are needing weeding. but I can’t see it.
I do not know what all is going on, but please pray for Reggie and April. Reggie turned 21 last week. It seems like he wanted to go crazy or something, because he broke up with April and said he was going out with this 30 year old lady. April was really hurt. Reggie came by the center, and I don’t know what happened, but Mr.James told him not to come back again. When I talked to Reggie he had sunk into his “no one loves me and darn that youth center, I don’t want to have anything to do with them.” I have been through alot of these with Reggie and basically said it was not about the youth center, it was about him and God (Reggie seems to throw God out of his life every time he throws out the youth center). I don’t know how he is doing, but the 30 year old seems to be gone. April’s wisdom teeth are really hurting her badly right now, and she does not know what to think about Reggie. I don’t know how life gets messed up like this.
Last week I asked the girls what they wanted to do for the next activity, which is going to the gym. Jasmine B. suggested that each of the older girls take one of the younger girls and help them out and stuff. I jumped on that idea and was so proud! We talked about how mentoring would be helping a younger girl, but discipleship would be going the next step and actually passing on what they had learned with their relationship with God to someone else. I told the girls to hurry up and give me some spiritual “grandchildren!”
We have a few more girls come regularly to the center (and the Vickie wars seem to be getting solved): Brittany and Janelle. Janelle is living at the family shelter across the street and is working through alot. She is a couple months pregnant (or is at least telling everyone so). We have had some nice talks and she is open, but I really do not know what all is the true story. Please pray for them.
speaking of truth, someone stole my gas money for the week and no one is ‘fessing up. I feel horrible because it has to be one of the girls that is alot closer to me. I hate having to think that one of them did it. and yet, it is alot more than that. it is not just one isolated stealing. things get stolen all the time at the youth center–it is part of their lifestyle, their worldview, even their culture. I cannot exactly say what it is, but there is something about almost every kid at the youth center that is grown into them that says that their right to instant gratification or personal happiness overrides God’s laws to not steal, lie, or cheat. if I said that, they would of course deny it, but it is something deeper than words. stealing? so what, everyone does it–it was just something little–you have more than me anyways and did not need it like it did. lying? don’t be petty. cheating? it is just a game! quit taking life so serious. these are things I hear all the time. not repentance. maybe a “I feel bad I got caught and look bad now.” and what is hard is that I know I can talk until I am blue in the face and it won’t do any good. But God can, and He says He works change through His Word. so that is hope.
I am having the girls fill out verse sheets each week (well, that is the idea, but normally they only get done if they are requirements for an activity). I adapted them from what I do for my class at school: write what the verse is teaching, what it reproves or tells me not to do, what it corrects or tells me to do, and then what habits I need to start in my life from the verse (notice anything? it is based on the sequence in 2 TIm. 3:16). The girls are doing well, but by the time they get to the habits, the only thing they write is to read their Bible–for every verse! I did visitation with Clarissa and we talked about the verse all the way through each section. It was amazing to see that as we got down to it, God was convicting her, through the verse, of the very same thing I had wanted to talk to her about–going to church!
Jasmine R. has been doing good overall, but then again, she always looks like she is doing good. I have been worried though, because I see little things that make it seem like alot of her smile is fake. But a big step she took was she asked me if she could share her testimony. She did a great job at our meeting on Wednesday.
There are always lots of little things to pray for: Vickie has been sick and skipping Bible studies, Isaiah was picked up and taken to jail, but soon released (for truancy), Dante, Carlos, Mike, Greg, Lamont, and Eric are all graduating in a couple of weeks and have alot of things to finish up, and Dennavious seemed like he was doing well, but then basically stole Mr.James’ car for two days. Summer is coming up and you never know what is going to happen. lots of free time with nothing constructive to do is a recipe for disaster.
something that has made me smile lately is how the kids treat me like a little girl. I don’t mind, and it makes me feel special, because this is something more recent that started–it has been a long time coming–considering I have been working at the youth center almost 3 years now! 3 years! Some of the other staff has been going through some crazy car accidents and trouble–so now, it seems like every night after I drop off the kids, I will have a couple of them get out of the van slowly, turn around and say in a quiet (almost like talking to their grandmother) voice, “now you be careful Ms.Rachel! You drive safe now, ya hear?” or “lock those doors, Ms.Rachel, it isn’t safe!”
I had another Brasil meeting last weekend and got a jump start of my visa, so basically everything is resting on this letter I need from the university in Brasil. Tele told me that when they write this letter (he is sure they will and so I am planning everything as if I am going, even though I probably won’t know for sure for another month or more), they may stipulate that I stay for at least two semesters. a year. a year is a long time. I was figuring on staying a year or longer…but later. thinking about leaving in two months for a year is pretty intimidating. again, I don’t know anything, but this is certainly something to pray about. I sent in the money for the plane ticket on Monday. I will tell you, the idea of possibly leaving for a year has sure made spending time with my family alot more important to me. And that has been nice to just sit down and play with John, making all the car and truck noises.
God’s words for me in all of this have not been any ”thou shalts” but “just trust.” and when He gently whispers just that, nothing changes but everything is different. When my eyes are on Him, it does not matter what I know and do not know. sitting in my class on Tuesday I clearly understood that no matter where I am located in the world, God is there–and that is where I want to be. today I found something I had written in my Bible “Lord, increase my faith, not my arguments.” good stuff.
“I ended my first book with the words no answer. I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are Yourself the Answer. before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?” C.S.Lewis
Ps.60:12a “Through God we will do valiantly…”
