June 23, 2005
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May 1, 2005
Hmm. I just do not understand girls. they have this inner ”catfight” mentality that seems to be cultivated and sharpened to perfection when they are around each other. I am so grateful for the minimal interaction with these kind of girls when I grew up. ugg. It seems that the girls at the youth center have decided to have their little “issues.” On Wednesday, DaBrittnay walked up to Vickie while she was playing volleyball, smacked the mess out of her, and then walked inside with a laughing Ebony. when I finally heard about it, it was “old news,” but inside i wanted to bodily shake each girl and say “Don’t you get it? we are sisters in Christ! How can you act like this to someone Christ loves?” I found out that “operation anti-Vickie” has been going on.
I have seen in the past where subtle subliminal messages have gotten through and then suddenly new girls will not come to the youth center and are very vague about why, but all have very definite opinions about the girls at the youth center. If you don’t “connect” with the girls at the youth center, you will fade away and not come back…I have seen it happen numerous times. Most often this is because the “in” group of girls feels threatened over a guy. How pathetic is that? In alot of these cases, I only learn of the gossip chain and malicious talk of the “outsider” after the girl has left the youth center for good. This time, I figured something needed to be done, even though it was ugly and I did not want to touch it.
I first talked to Erica E., who admitted to being mean immediately (she is still alot more open!). I simply stated that it could not continue and the girls would follow her example, so she needed to lead. Erica agreed. Next I talked to DaBrittnay. It is not like her to act like that, and my understanding is that Ebony told her to do it. DaBrittnay has a real issue of following. She is game for whatever people tell her to do–good or bad. DaBrittnay instantly felt bad and apologized (basically saying “Ms.Rachel is giving me the guilt trip so I am sorry Vickie for smacking you”) so that was a start. Ebony was more difficult. please pray for her–and for me. she evaded direct talking and said that of course nothing would happen and she would not be mean to others…but I don’t think that is the end of the story yet. Please pray. Yeah, I can see that Vickie flirted with (horror of horrors) some of the guys these girls liked, but come on. Vickie is really growing. Her cousin got saved at church last week, and Vickie is all fired up about leading all of her family to the Lord (including a brother who is a practicing homosexual).
It has been neat for me to have my talks with Michelle O (Vickie’s sister). Michelle always comes and rides with me to pick up the West side. At first, I really missed my times alone with God, because I had really good prayer times. Since I knew I needed that time to pray, now I just do it with Michelle. She is still very self-conscious about praying out loud, but each day she seems to be growing and getting more comfortable with her relationship with God and talking to Him. Maybe it was the day when we talked about her gay brother…or about the fight at school…or her past in L.A…and then telling God about it. It is neat and I treasure those times where it just feels like I get to live the life and share it, passing on something incredible like a prayer life to “the next generation.”
here is a funny note: I was talking about taking the CLEP tests with one of the kids at the youth center and Donald leans over and says “What is that word Rachel? Oh, that is so my new word!” So he goes around saying “Shut the clep up! That’s a bunch of clep! what the clep are you trying to say?” and so on. leave it to Donald to invent the newest cuss word.
I was on TV last Sunday! Channel 59 came to St.Mary’s, where I am doing my preschool practicum, and did a segment of “unsung heroes” on it. They had a few second shot of me reading to my little man Michael, and I say “so where is the juice?” not entirely my greatest line ever:), but it is a start. At church on Wednesday this middle school girl came up to me and said “Hey, I saw you on TV!” and I felt pretty special. *grin* I just finished my time at St.Mary’s, and although I love the kids and will miss them a bit, I can tell you my passion in life is not for that age group–I need alittle older kids. so that is nice to know. Having one in that age group is enough–my little brother. He came up to me the other day and said “Do you know what Anna is going to be when she grows up? A mattress in Chicago!” he must have been talking to Anna when she was in her acting mood, and heard “actress” wrong, but I thought it was quite funny to hear of Anna’s great aspirations!;)
Something that God has been showing me is my need for wisdom. Wisdom is one of those things that is easy to pray for. it is not like asking God for it not to rain, because you don’t know if in God’s providence, He does not want it to rain–but wisdom, well you know God wants you to have it, and promises that He will give it in James 1:5 “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth it to all men liberally, and upbraided not; and it shall be given unto him.” I need wisdom to know when to give a free time and when to kick someone out. when to have judgment and when to have mercy…when to be quiet and when to speak up. Because I just don’t know the answers.
Saturday was pretty neat. I have been saving my pennies since I got back from Brasil last summer, and been praying for when I would get to return to Brasil. When Tele came in the fall, it became pretty clear that the direction to head was to go for a semester. So I walked in that direction. The road has never been clear, and every couple of weeks I am sized by this feeling of “my word, I need to do something or it won’t work out to go to Brasil.” But the thing is, most often there is nothing I can do. I have to wait. Other things have to be worked out, and to sum it up, no one really knows what is planned, so they can’t plan me into it. Tele just came back to the US yesterday and we had a meeting today. I figured all I needed was five good minutes. Have you ever had five minutes that changed the direction of your life? Different times talking with Tele have given me a focus and a light on things…and since he is the one in charge, he is the one with the final say about things in Brasil. So I figured I just needed those few good minutes for Tele to say “yep, Rachel, it is all worked out–you are coming from July to December this year!” it did not really happen that way. in fact, instead of seeing a clear path, all I found was more mountains to climb. it feels sorta daunting.
Tele was clear that he wants me there. That is not a problem. The thing is, to attend school, even though I have a six month tourist visa, I have to get a student visa. But to get my student visa, I need a plane ticket, a letter saying the school will accept me, and other odds and ends. And paper work in Brasil is not very easy. Tele was confident that there will no problem, but that still means that I probably won’t have all the paperwork and know for sure that I am going until the middle of June. I am the kind of person that likes to feel the ground beneath her. Next Saturday there is another meeting and I can get alot of paperwork done then, so please pray. But this does mean that pretty officially, I am going to Brasil in July!
