Month: August 2005

  • you should see my toothbrush. this is the first time I have bought my own toothbrush and I figured I’d get one I enjoyed looking at since I have to pick it up multiple times a day…I got an “Incredibles” one with Violet on it:). hmm. let’s hear it for supergirl! (this is why everyone is scared at the thought of me living alone)

     

    I went shopping with Edjane and Kattia today. I think the world is against me and my goal of trying to cook. there was no baking powder in the whole supermarket…and this was the largest supermarket in Carpina! and besides that, I did not know the word for it…try acting out “baking powder” without any English. it’s alot harder than most words in charades. It turns out their flour already has baking powder in it? I am not sure though since my Portuguese is pretty rough. but that is what the bag says when you translate it literally.

     

    I tried a fruit today called sapote. I think it is the first fruit I really did not like. but it won’t go to waste because Ricardo likes it. but his taste can’t be trusted since he also like to eat fried ants (yep, that’s what he said. he says they are only in season in December…so I will write you about them then).

     

    a friend wrote me out some recipes for deserts in Portuguese. I will be translating them, but as I read the names, one really cracked me and made me remember that yep, the culture sure is different here. the name is “crème engorda marido” literally “crème to make your husband fat.”

     

    Karine and I made pudding and jello yesterday. have you ever had guava flavored jello? well, it is really good. I was thinking about eating the whole thing with a straw, but two things stopped me–one, Edjane does not need to think I am any weirder than she already thinks, and two, I could not find a straw. so a straw will have to do.

     

    Jaciara wanted to watch the movie on TV last night, so she joined us in the room. I didn’t really care to watch it (I mean, I can only understand so much in Portuguese) but we all set out to watch it. and guess who was the only one awake by the time it was over? yep, me. and guess what movie it turned out to be? some movie about Brittany Spears. oh joy. I think, if it is possible, that her voice sounds even more whiny in Portuguese than English.

     

    I’ve been on a cleaning spree lately. I cleaned the kitchen yesterday (there was a rat that got into some of the food and left some presents…try explaining that one in Portuguese too) and I was so happy that I got to do some “secret service” that I…well, it wasn’t a secret for long. oh well. I’ll have to find something else to do. I cleaned the room today and learned how to mop the floor with a cloth and your feet. I watched Edjane do it, so I tried. it is actually rather fun when you have some music on and dance around the room…the problem was I kept trying to get the corners and would bump my head on the shelf…

     

    I got some mail from my family today…along with the most perfect gift. a bagel. yep, THE bagel. if you did not know about this famous artifact, it is something I picked up at the state fair a couple years ago. it is a fake bagel with a bug hidden and attached with a string. you pick up the bagel and get the bug in your face. I have scared everyone from my brother (who had nightmares, waking up yelling “the bug! the bug!”) to my pastor, who still reminds me about it at times. Every year we look for another bagel (mine is ready for retirement) and never find it. This year there was one more bagel. and now I am ready to terrorize a different continent with it. bwahaha (my evil laugh).

     

    you know what? it is totally hitting me in a fresh way how God’s love is the only love with no strings attached. He lays it out on the street, as it were, and it does not matter if I despise it, accept it, ignore it, or chuck it, or cherish it…it is there and will always be there. what an incredible thought!

     

    “Preach the gospel at all times. if necessary, use words.” St. Frances of Assisi  

  • it is Sunday morning and we are being lazy and lovin it. John is banging on the door where Alyssa is taking a shower, insisting that she must come out and give him a piece of paper because he is going to be a famous artist when he grows up and must learn to draw NOW! :) oh no, now he coming over here to ask me.

     

    *couple minutes later*

     

    now that John has his paper and is on his way to becoming a great artist…:) things are good. I had a wonderful first birthday in Brasil. Wanna here some of my funny Portuguese mistakes? I was happily singing away “Eu Pecador” which means “I am a sinner” or something like that in the song when I hear giggles and find out that the word is “Liberador” and is all about the names of God. I also was singing “Vente Lembra” which would be “windy remembering” instead of “Tente Lembra” which is “Try to remember.” considering I normally change words when I sing even in English, I must add “accidental entertainer” to my list of talents. fun stuff.

     

    Thursday I had my second English class with beginners at 2:00 and the advanced at 3:30. an hour and a half is long class, and two in a row is even longer, but I love it. I had nine in my beginner class and 5 in the advanced. one student even brought me an apple (okay, as a group let’s go “auuuhhh”).

     

    I am studying the temperaments of people. I must say, you shouldn’t stick a book like that in my hands because I begin to analyze everyone with my “oh that means you are this…it says so in the book.” but in case you understand all the temperaments, I am a Sanguine/Phlegmatic, meaning I am warm, lively, talkative, charismic (see? it says so in the book), optimistic, calm, practical, and create enthusiasm…it also means I cry easily, am restless, exaggerate, naive, lack self-control, dominate conversation, distracted, worry, selfish, lazy, stubborn, and have an ego problem. yuck. so I am working on it.

     

    yesterday we drove to Vicencia, which is one of my favoritest views ever. I have tons of pictures from the top of the mountain thing there. We drove up this time (instead of the hour and a half hike) since John and Heather were with us. Afterwards we went to Paudalho for the service (where I miserably sang the songs). I was working so hard in trying to understand the message (okay, I wasn’t dozing off or anything…) when I look two seats over and one row ahead and found a guy sleeping. oh. yep, it was funny. and concentration on Portuguese became impossible as I would glance over and see his head falling backward once again before he would shake himself and try to stay awake. I was transported back to the youth center where Eugene (my Autistic boy) would habitually fall asleep during Bible study and I would routinely have to have someone tap him and finally make him stand in the back with me. the poor guy could almost fall asleep standing up.

     

    I had a great time with God around my birthday. He is awesome.

     

    Rachel

    ****

     

    God I need you

    to pull away my hands from my eyes

    to bend down and gaze inside

    and see what it holds

     

    it is a secret

    hidden in fear

    the fear that all I fear is true

    there is nothing good and I am only destined for failure

    the fear that if my heart were really seen

    it would be rejected

    abandoned

    abhorred

    and called a piece of trash

    that it would be a disappointment

    it would let someone down

    and that it is not really worth being seen

     

    God I need you

    to pull away my hands from my eyes

    to bend down and gaze inside

    and tell me what it holds

     

    I’ve been beaten down

    by lies and fearing it is truth

    remind me of what You’ve said

     

    You made me into existence

    and wrote a book of plans

    perfectly fitted to me and what would satisfy my heart

    You did not wait to see if I would follow

    or if I would mess up and call it quits

    You gave everything with no promise

    knowing my weakness

    Your love has no strings attached

    You know my best was not good enough

    so You made it free and handed it to me

     

    And when I took it

    You said I was clean

    You said I was new

    You said when You look at me

    You only see

    a reflection of Your perfection

    You only see love

    Your little girl that makes Your heart beat

    Your princess that is beautiful

    and worth a thousand deaths to rescue

    Does she take Your breath away?

     

    I need to know it’s true

    I need to feel Your admiration

    Your fresh breath next to mine

    I need to feel Your pleasure

    and know that its enough

     

    God I need You

    to pull away my hands from my eyes

    to bend down and gaze inside

    and reveal Your glory

    ****

     

     

     

  • this is it! the miracle picture! i finally managed to get all of the Moraes family into one picture. L to R: Alyssa, Tele, Heather, David, Karine, Me, John

    “…the cows go marching two by two hurra, hurra…” yep, here are the cows on the beach…this picture is taken from the backyard of the beach house, so you see it really IS a beach house. too bad you can’t see closely, cuz most of the cows are those weird ones like you see in India.

    oh, jealous yet? this is at aligator beach (which does not presently have any of their namesakes) now imagin watching this, enjoying your favorite cake with friends, and having a guy slowly ride out on the lake playing some slow saxophone song. i ask again…does life get any better? :)

     

    oh, i gotta add this, my sister–my wonderfulist sister–sent me this quote:

    “It is easyer to serve God without a vision, easyer to work for God without a call, b/c then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sence is your guide, veneered over with christian sentiment. You will be more prosperous and successful, more leisure-hearted, if you never realize the call of God. BUT if once you recieve a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for him on the common-sence basis.”

    amen to that. and another funny note: i served my friends here some smores, and even the staunches “Anti-American” sentiment has now been overcome…i am proud to annouce that there are some redeeming qualities to American culture! (such as chocolate mixed with marshmallow)

    I just ate lunch. my regular lunch is rice, beans, salsa, this flour stuff you mix in called farinha, and this super good chicken. ahh. Carlos kept telling me that I needed to each the chicken’s mother while I ate. I did my nice “oh that is nice but I have no clue what you are saying” smile a couple times and finally said “Carlos, what? I don’t know the chicken’s mother…” and he finally got it across that he was trying to tell me that I needed to try the chicken his mother makes. that makes more sense. my word. I could sit here and write you things like this that happen all the time…it cracks me up…and I love it. laughing is so good for you.
     
    make sure to laugh today.

  • There is nothing that puts a smile on my face like talking with my family:). They are doing good and that makes me happy, even if I did miss the State Fair:(.

     

    Saturday Renaldo (the policeman guy from English camp) asked me to go to English class with him. Like often happens, I turned out to be the main attraction at this English class…but I didn’t mind.:) The teacher was the father of another guy I knew, and was a really neat guy. he spent most of the class time telling me things or asking me things, like advice on how to learn English quickly. my advice was to listen to music and movies with English words. I should probably follow my own advice, ya think? Then in the middle of class he started telling me about how a couple of years ago he had a unique experience where three Baptist pastors came to Brasil and needed a translator. he was not a believer, but spoke English, so translated for them. As he was translating (he specifically spoke about John 14:6 “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, no man cometh unto the Father but by Me”) all this stuff about having a personal relationship with Christ, he realized his need and was miraculously saved himself. He then sang “Because He Lives” for me in English and then translated everything for the rest of the class. I just thought it was so incredible how I was sitting there, talking about my God and His great work in people. there are so many beautiful stories about God working and they are all around us! how many of them are still unspoken?

     

    One of the families from the church in Tracunhaem celebrated their 25th Anniversary at the Alconce. they went ALL OUT. my goodness. the party officially started at 8, but the family was not all there until 9 (I guess this is common…Heather said that Kattia was an hour and a half late to show up at her wedding last Christmas). You should have seen the cake…I’ll try to put a picture on my weblog…wowee.

     

    Heather’s birthday was the 22nd (the kids cannot agree on if she is turning 27,28,or 30, respectively), and to celebrate, we all left Sunday for their beach house. now Heather’s parents have an apartment near the beach in Candeias (that I wrote about in the past), but this is Tele’s parents house ON the beach…like watch out, you step off the porch and you get your feet wet kind of thing (okay, slight exaggeration, but it is seriously right past the back yard.) which is in Camboinha (about 2 hours north near Joan Pessoa). They normally spend the whole month of January here. I told them American’s don’t know how to vacation longer than a week, let alone a month ever year! I like this tradition.

     

    The beach house is beautiful, with high ceilings and an old-fashioned feel. the windows are all open to the sea so you hear the tide come in as you wake up in the morning. there was no fear of sharks here, as it has a natural reef that keeps them out, but I have discovered my own phobia…mushy or prickly stuff around my feet. seriously. I think I watched one horror movie in my life and it was about an attack alligator living in a lake…ever since then when I swim in something where I cannot see the bottom I get very weary and images of things swimming around my feet or that I can step on swarm through my head. I freak myself out everytime there is a rock or piece of seawead coming by. and just my luck, during this season there is ALOT of seaweed around. When the tied went out we were able to walk a far ways out and explore, but the fact that we had just found these prickly things and a washed up sting ray (YEP!) on the beach only added to my jumpiness. yep, I admit, I was quite a wimp.

     

    but wow, was it incredible. we got to watch the tide come in, and the stars come out. So many stars. before the moon came up, we saw some supernovas blink red and white (they laughed when I told them that in Indiana the only thing that blinks in the sky is airplanes) and we saw one explosion where the star got SUPER bright, brighter, brighter, and then flew across the sky as it dimmed to oblivion. oh the secrets of the universe! the moon came up later, almost full, and we spread out a blanket on the sand and sat for a couple hours seeing the moon path and interpreting what shapes the clouds were. it was just…good.

     

    Monday morning we built a sand castle and I ended up getting burnt (too super bad) because I did not put on sunscreen until 10:30 (I was like, COME on, get burn before 11?) I was walking back to the beach when I suddenly see a cow. yep, a cow. twice a day they have a group of cows walk down the beach:). funny stuff.

     

    We made a picnic and went to “Alligator beach” (they never did tell me if there really were any alligators…) we enjoyed an exceptional Passion fruit cake (my favorite) since Heather shared her day with me and we celebrated together, and watched the sunset while a guy in a boat played the sax. cool.

     

    Tele’s leaving today to spend a week in Sao Paulo. Please pray for his trip, that the Lord would provide alot of contacts. he is visiting a “school of tomorrow” which is how they are hoping to set up our school here. There is also someone interested in partnering with us and starting another church down there! (if you don’t know Brasil, it is huge. going to Sao Paulo is like Indiana to California). He also has to see about a tent for us to use that somehow got stuck in shipping issues. Please pray for Heather as she (as long as I have known her) has problems sleeping. lately it seems to be getting worse. and you know, a bad night’s sleep can affect everything.

     

    Thanks. I feel the prayers.

     

  • I am trying to teach Jaciara how to answer the telephone when someone calls for me. She freezes up and only understands the word “Rachel,” and so get interesting stories about people calling me when I come back from a trip:).

     

    this morning I rested for a couple moments and had my first “I miss you” dream for my family. you know, where you all hug and are together. it is not that I want to go home, it is more that I want them to come here.

     

    some of my friends are now reading “Wild At Heart” that I ranted and raved about…so I figured I should reread it to keep up. I gave the book to one of my boys at the youth center. He was about half-way through reading it when he simple said “But what am I to DO about it?” and that really took be back. and, as many horrible other times, I had no answer for him. well, now I do:

     

    1. Catch the wild vision: who God made men to be

    2. Understand “the question” and what you’ve done with it (GET ALONE in the wild, or at least alone)

    3. Identify your wounds and their results in your life

    4. Go to God with the wounds and the question…discover your name

    5. Battle plan:

        a. Fight (the devil) back with the truth (Scripture) you now  

            know

        b. Have a daily CONNECTION with God

        c. Find accountability and help from a “band of brothers”

        d. Fight for others (especially the women in your life)

     

    a day late and a dollar short, eh?:) anyways, big news in my life. I talked with Tele on Wednesday to find out that for the next three months (Sep, Oct, and Nov.) they are shipping me to Timbuktu (err…that is the name we use for Timbauba). There is no one who speaks English there, and it is about 45 minutes from the Alconce. I will stay with Pastor Josue and his family. His wife is a stay-at-home mother and they have two cute daughters. I think it will be a wonderful experience for me, and I know I will learn lots of Portuguese, but as Tele said, it is something I will thank him for when it’s over. I LOVE being here at the Alconce. always having people come in and out, always having a chance to go to the different churches, the view…everything. so I am sad to go. while I was still digesting this information, we decided to begin English classes the next day (Thursday). I’ll tell you, when it rains, it pours for me…in like every aspect of life!

     

    You know the first day of school feeling? well, teachers get it too. I love teaching, but whew, I do stress a bit before class begins, and stressing is exhausting. I put together a test to figure out what each person knows already, and then what they want to learn in English. since the test was all in English and required alot of writing, the first class hour was spent on that. the second we tried out some grammar curriculum, read a chapter from the Bible (in English), and worked on contractions. by the end of class (9 people showed up, with only a day’s warning) it was very clear we needed to divide into two separate groups: more beginners and more advanced. There have been about 5 more people that have said they also want to join, so I’ve alot of planning and figuring out to do. I am excited. so please pray for my Thursdays. the only thing we have left to figure out is my taking classes at the University here.

     

    Please pray for Carlos. He left last night as his father had an emergency and went to the hospital. His father is not saved, and I am not sure how serious it is. Carlos is one of the Bible students here who is totally sold out to God and learns things like a sponge. Satan would do anything to discourage him. Please also pray for Tele’s father. he has still been having hallucinations from the medications they are giving him…the other night he was up all night “killing snakes” that he “saw” crawling around the house. I am sure THAT freaked out his wife (who just got over surgery).

     

    As for me, things are good. I have quickly slipped into the routine here, and am enjoying the mornings with God, studying Portuguese, keeping up with my e-mails, and washing my clothes:). Brasil is no longer a “far away mystical place” but a day-to-day reality. God is continuing to show me things about myself and His plan for me in actual life…not just the hazy “ooohs and ahhhs.”

     

    “Will we be able to bear them (tourures)? If I do not bear them I put in prison another fifty or sixty men whom I know, because that is what the Communists wish for me, to betray those around me. And here comes the great need for the role of preparation for suffering which must start now. it is too difficult to prepare yourself for it when the Communists have put you in prison. I remember my last Confirmation class before I left Romania. I took a group of ten to fifteen boys and girls on a Sunday morning, not to a church, but to the zoo. Before the cage of lions I told them, “Your forefathers in faith were thrown before such wild beasts for their faith. know that you also will have to suffer. You will not be thrown before lions, but you will have to do with men who would be much worse than lions. Decide here and now if you wish to pledge allegiance to Christ.” They had tears in their eyes when they said yes. We have to make preparation now, before we are imprisoned. in prison you lose everything. you are undressed and given a prisoners suit…you do not have your library and you never see a flower. nothing of what makes life pleasant remains. nobody resists who has not renounced the pleasures of life beforehand.” –Richard Wurmbrand (who suffered 14 years of jail, solitary confinement, and torture)








  • I have studied many times

    the marble which was chiseled for me

    a boat with a furled sail at rest in the
    harbor

    in truth it pictures not my
    destination

    but my life

    for love was offered me, and I shrank from its
    disillusionment

    sorrow knocked at my door, but I was
    afraid

    ambition called to me, but I dreaded the
    chances

    yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my
    life

    and now I know that we must lift the
    sail

    and catch the winds of destiny

    wherever they drive the boat

    to put meaning in one’s life may end in
    madness

    but life without meaning is the
    torture

    of restlessness and vague desire–

    it is a boat longing for the sea and yet
    afraid

    –Edgar Lee Masters

  • Thursday night I went to Tracunhaem with Edjane and became the “movie star” of the night. the kids kept asking if they could see the “Americana” until the teachers sheepishly asked me to come in the classroom and speak to them in English and my broken Portuguese. they wanted to learn some English and I returned to the ever worn out, ever used “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and toes” One girl kept whispering to Livia to tell me things in English. I finally went to her and told her I could understand alittle and she could talk to me. she shied away from me like I was an alien. my gosh. so I told her I had two hands, 10 fingers just like her…she just didn’t get it. I am beginning to see what it is like to just want to be able to disappear into the crowd. because I sure don’t. and really, I enjoy it–even flaunt it often–because hey, if they are gonna look, might as well give ‘em something to look at! I like the attention and never worrying abut having a place to sit. but it is rather exhausting. everywhere I turn there is a question, an expectation, a look or something wanted from me. and most of all, you miss the little things of being normal–like being squished in the backseat of the car instead of always offered the front seat.
     
    Friday Tele and I had a good talk. Tele was talking about the future again, and I was talking about my worries again. then Tele just stopped and said something about how right now I am an intern. I am learning Portuguese to be able to move to the next step. the next step is being a missionary candidate. that means thinking about raising support, and committing to a 3 or 4 year term. well, the words “3 or 4 years” freaked me out…again. the thing is, Tele is going to the US in November. the main thing is starting this school in February. and my involvement. but he cannot go around talking about my involvement if I don’t know how involved I will be.
     
    at that moment it entered into my soul the knowledge that I was sitting on the fence. and I had been there for a long time. and I needed to quit straddling it. it was one side or the other.  
     
    we talked some more about how I knew I was supposed to be in Brasil for this time, but did not know the future, as I always say,”I have not heard a ‘Thou shalt be a missionary in Brasil’ from God.” I knew that I loved it here and wanted to be here, but there were alot of things I wanted and they didn’t matter–only what God wanted mattered, and I did not know what God wanted. I voiced some concerns, like money and raising it, and how people say I am just here “to get a guy” (yep, I have gotten this from alot of people in the US and in Brasil–teasing mostly, but still I runs down deep into my heart), and as soon as they came out of my mouth, I knew they were petty excuses. so when we finished, I went up to the room, took out my contacts (because tears and contacts don’t mix) and let it loose.
     
    I just fell before the Lord and felt a bunch of fears. I was even scared because I knew I was so full of fears. and I hated being scared, but I was scared that what I feared was true. that I am a coward at heart. that when the times comes, I will run away. that I will be unfaithful and disloyal. I was scared that I am not smart enough (to learn Portuguese among other things) and that I will let everyone down. I was just a little lost girl huddled in the corner.
     
    fears are weird things. as soon as you voice them or write them down, they become so trivial and you wonder how it could have ever tied you into knots. but unspoken, they have utmost power. and that is scary in itself.
     
    I was waiting for a mountain top experience. I have been waiting for quite some time. I don’t know exactly what for…the “THOU SHALT” to come really clearly, knocking me over the head so I would know for sure it was not me trying to sound like God. But sometimes it is not a mountain top thing. sometimes you don’t suddenly know what is the right choice. sometimes maybe you make a choice just because it is time to make a choice. my heart knew it was time.
     
    and then the thought came that maybe I had known for years what the answer was, and I had just waited because I wanted to know for sure…I wanted to see each step before me before I took it. maybe I did not know for sure because then I really WOULDN’T live by faith–which I struggle with anyways–when I do see where to go.
     
    I was straddling the fence…why? what was holding me back from saying “I am going to, by faith, serve God in Brasil for the rest of my life?”
     
    and I knew the answer. fear. pure, unadulterated fear. fear of what? fear that people (especially family) would not approve or support me. fear of asking for money and being misunderstood or rejected, fear of not finding a guy or not having the guy I want because I am called to Brasil and that means he needs to have the same calling, fear of missing out on life in the US, fear that I am making a wrong decision like I have so many times in the past, fear of missing out on my family’s lives, and fear that I am just living in a dream world and someday I will wake up to reality, finding I was disillusioned the whole time. I don’t know, it just uncovered a whole new area of my heart that I did not really know was there. then I came to the conclusion that sometimes making the decision is the act of faith in and of itself.
     
    with that, I realized it. I realized that when I was 16, and I heard the Lord speaking to me about Brasil, that I had been called to Brasil unconditionally. that those words “I am called to serve in Brasil, by faith, for the rest of my life” were true and always would be true.
     
    my first thought was “what the heck took you so long?” my second thought was God’s reassurance: “I knew you were not ready until now to fully know. Rachel, don’t look back and think that all those years were wasted. Simply understand that they were necessary to bring you to this point. it could not have been done any other way.”
     
    whew. so now my future is set in stone? I can kick back and say “hey, got it covered”? nope. not now more than ever. somehow I know everything and yet in know nothing. God can change everything in a moment. and I know turns come. but I know that I could never be satisfied with just coming for English camp or even as an intern again. I could never be happy knowing that Jeff and Lindsay (the others that are coming from the US) are here and I am not. that this life/ministry/service was going on and I was not connected with it. all my fears spoken sound so hollow. Because God is God and that settles everything “God’s work done God’s way will never lack God’s supply.” (I am thinking Hudson Taylor, but William Carey sounds like a good guess too)
     
    So am I still scared? yes and no. money–it is in God’s hands. Guys–God wants the right guy for me even more than I do–(I mean, come on, it is not the whole population…it is just one guy in the whole world for me!) Approval? if it is God’s will, my parents will be for it and so will all those that truly matter. yikes! but there is a thrill there too. Something underneath my still-nagging fears says “Yeah, but I am here with you–and that means everything is gonna be fine.” I wonder about being home and my family’s birthday and anniversaries and special occasions…but God is big enough to work it out…and it just overflows my soul to think of my family coming to see me here (loving the things I love, and enjoying the things I enjoy) and somehow I get the idea it would be worth it to serve here just to bless them with the vision of it.
     
    does this mean I will never question God? no, I probably have more questions now than before. but something down deep in my foundation is changed and altered and will never be the same. All of me is still on the alter just as it was before. even this knowledge of my calling is on the alter before God as all of God’s gifts must be given back to Him for His glory. So nothing has changed, yet everything has.
     
    maybe it was alittle like my cooking the other day: before I started it looked like a daunting task. one that required more skill than I had. but I simply started and suddenly found myself giving out advice and orchestrating the meal and out pops some delicious spaghetti. it surprised me how good it was. and how simple it was. and how it made my previous fears look really silly.
     
    Saturday we walked all over Nazare, stopped and bought a coconut and sipped it, walked around with Karine’s hand on one shoulder, David’s on the other, and Alyssa being her flighty 12 year old self bouncing around everywhere else. ahh. I love it. the cobblestone streets, the straight up and down hills lined with palm trees.
    you know what is just perfect? Last year God gave me a verse as I was back in the US and struggling with fitting back in…and the same verse…well, it works for me now as I wonder about life, my calling, and this Great God who planned out my life: “In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.” Psalm 94:19
     
    “The cross is not the terrible end to an otherwise God-fearing and happy life, but it meets us at the beginning of our communion with Christ. When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” –Dietrich Bonhoeffer
     

  • Tuesday I woke up and started the schedule with the students which is:

    roll out of bed and have devotions from 6-7, breakfast (which seems to be eggs and goose-goo daily–I am not complaining and I really like the stuff!) from 7-7:30, and group devotions from 7:30-8. by 8 I was exhausted. there is nothing more tiring than Portuguese in the morning. grrr. from 8-12 they have class and I do various things like wash my clothes, listen to Portuguese music, read my Portuguese book (sensing a theme here?), and write nice long letters like this. We each lunch together at 12:30 and have a break until they split up for work assignments from 2-5. The guys do alot of maintenance work, Jaciara is the secretary (so she has lots of extra time and I sit around and try to find things to say in Portuguese) and Valdilene goes to the Growing Kids program. I am hoping to go with her sometime, and when I do, I will write all about Growing Kids (AKA Living Stones) which is a super neato program working with kids–basically the same thing I do at the Youth center in Indy. at 6 we have dinner (the girls cook for everyone and then we all do the dishes) and then they have study time at 7:30, lights out at 10:30.
     
    Wednesday morning Tele, Heather, Roberto and I sat around the table and talked business. well, they talked and I listened. and I got overwhelmed. you have to understand me. I struggle with the whole “faith” thing. not salvation or accepting God’s truth, but with the whole “what the heck am I supposed to do?” thing. God has clearly shown me that I am to be in Brasil, but after that, everything is VERY blank. It is like I only have one step…and we were talking about about five steps ahead. ideas about the school and me finishing my degree and coming and when and soon and raising money…and my head was swirling. I started to voice all of my worried when Heather just put her hand on mine and said “Rachel, it is about faith…” and it is. and I want to much to simply walk by faith. I seem to start out on the water just fine, but then see the waves and sink like a rock. so once again I hold out my hands to Jesus and say “Lord, help my unbelief!”
     
    This is definitely an area I will be stretched in. and I am so glad, despite my intrepidation. Tele is such a visionary. He will wake up in the morning (he is such a morning person) with ideas to change the world. this is a great gift, and he married Heather, who pulls off just about anything she puts her mind to and works long into the night (she is such a night person). it always cracks me up to see how God puts couples together just right.
    it is so funny. as I sit here typing in Tele’s office the students and teachers pass and wave at me (waving is so much safer than trying to start a conversation with me). Jacicara just called me into the kitchen as she made a banana milkshake for me on their break. the sun is streaming in through the opening (everything is open here) and the plants outside the door are thriving. and in this moment…this one right now, I am just flooded with God’s love. I feel it. His presence. there is something wonderful about this place, these people…something wonderful that I want to be a part of. that is why I am here.
     
    By 5, I figure we should have something for dinner. I ran into my streak of boldness, and walked down to the supermarket, bought some vegetables, and then made spaghetti, garlic bread, and lemonade. This might not seem like a big deal, but to me it was. it was also quite a funny sight: David and Alyssa’s friends, Luana and Analu were there, and all the girls wanted to help with the cooking. so I have one girl smashing up garlic, one asking me how much butter to melt, one trying to show me how to turn on the stove…not only that, but John somehow got himself VERY dirty and I was determined he would get a shower before dinner. he was determined not to. so I am running around the house, chopping up onions, answering questions, and getting the little man out of his clothes. actually, the bigger problem was getting him INTO clothes, as he thoroughly enjoyed running around with his towel. But in the end, we all sat down, fully clothed, to a nice dinner. I consider it quite a success (even if John refused to eat everything but the noodles). Tele and Heather came home to a clean house and clean kids…and a very exhausted me.
     

     
     
     








  • Don’t you tell me how to feel

    every time you state your opinion

    the obligation here is real

    because you know that I’d say

    anything for you

     

    if this is the kind of life you are happy to
    live

    go on

    times are changing and I can see

    I see now

    I have to choose

     

    it is turning me away from everything
    familiar

    and casting me out on a sea I’ve never
    known

    and all your efforts to keep me safe

    just made me dependent

    but out here when I need you most

    you can’t rebuke the wind that’s tossing
    me

     

    to reach this half of my heart

    He had to touch my eyes

    to show me truth that is real to me

    Because it speaks of all I left
    behind

     

    now a real life is harder than anything I’ve
    tried

    Don’t fear to reach for me now

    because I’m so close, so close

     

    pretty stories of a Man who walked among the
    people

    healing anyone who could just believe

    in all He said He was

    and their decision wasn’t mine when it came

    to what was right and wrong

    but You would smile down at me whenever

    I could tell You what it was

     

    but I can’t deny the holy life of this
    Man

    whose death I deserve to die a thousand
    times

    and realizing what I need is always easier

    than changing from what I have always been

    into what I need to be

     


    to reach this half of my heart

    He had to touch my eyes

    to show me truth that is real to me

    Because it speaks of all I left
    behind

     

    now a real life is harder than anything I’ve
    tried

    Don’t fear to reach for me now

    Because I’m so close, so close

     

    –Jill Paquette

     

  • wa-wa-waa-wa. i feel like a baby that everyone is nice enough to pat on the head and make sure she is taken care of. yikes. i woke up this morning nice and early to start out a new week. i was cold (goodness, i have turned Brasilian already) and shivering, and after devotions covered up again and worked. i was going to do some “Tie-bo” and get all buff (giggle), but i almost broke Edjane’s VCR doing something or other. by the time it worked, it was almost 9, so i said forget it. I am practicing guitar and reading some great books since i really have no idea what else to do…and it is good use of my time. i was reading in the sun (ahh, this is the life) when i realize everyone is gone and my tummy is empty. i decided not to worry and sure enough, one of the seminary guys comes and takes me to the gas station abit later. ahh. good thing they remember me or i would be in a jam! i thought i would stick some more pictures, cuz i sure have plenty of them (although on a side sad note, i dropped my camera yesterday and busted the screen. grr. the same thing happened to my last one.)


    this picture is from the Brasilian Churrasco–BBQ. this was just one part of one view…and they owned everything everywhere i turned…wow.


     


    Imaging racing a four wheeler through there! you know, i think they are gonna have four wheelers in heaven. oh yeah.


     



    oh goodness. The seminary guy that made sure i had lunch just bought me a picole (popsicle) from the bell-ringing picole guy. whoa. i am so spoiled. anyways, let me type before i drip…this picture is from VBS…this was the line of kids that showed up AFTER we already had every seat full in the church. This was the first day and it was then i knew we were in for a ride:). oh, and that is Mark as superman, greeting each child in line.


    this next picture is two of my cuties…the one on the left was also a troublemaker…the cute ones always seem to be:). it must be the key to their survival.



    This was our group painting at Guadalajara…my favorite church. L to R: Lenusion, Ricardo, David, Ana Maria, Katia, Spencer, Me, Mark, Cindy, Sonja, Athur, Jaciara, Carlos, and Lindsay



    This was a picture of Karine and i singing…this was one of the songs in Portuguese that i had never heard before, so i just clapped and smiled…sometimes reading lips and following along like i knew what i was doing. We are on a large stage with 50-60 people standing around listening. the glow-y thing is my necklace if you wanted to know.