Lukas tries to copy my mannerisms. he comes up with this shocked face and says “oh my goshes!” it makes me laugh, which makes him do it even more. then i feel compelled to laugh because i’ve created a monster.

This week i had the older kids write stories. in English. you gotta see Rebeca´s (5th grade)

“My school is cooll! bat is craese. today, i go the school, i ran, and i go the bothorom. i go the eglesh class and Rachel talk of rul number one: don’t talk. rul number two: don’t walk, rul number three: don’t touch, rul number foor: sit right…rul number five: RAN, RAN, YES, RAN! YOU CAN RAN! Mister Tele talk of me: Ran on learn center RAN, YOU CAN RAN! You can talk on learn center, talk, talk! i stay craese. yes, i stay craese, bat…i lake. O no! i go the my house. i is sad.”

see…i made sure the kids remembered my rules…four rules–not to talk or walk or touch ANYTHING without permission. i figured that would cover most problems. then i added the fourth rule, to sit right, because that wasn’t really covered in the first three. Rebeca added rule five, which definately is not a rule, and then added that Tele said they could talk in learning center…definately a no-no. my favorite part is how she stays crazy, but she LIKES it. hehe.

Lorena’s is pretty good too:

“i have a wadfull family! i m soll gleed to have e family lick thet becasse i noll they all ov them love me. we go to the shopping, we play, we are soll gled. and my family is very creisey. end we loves Mr.Tele e family.”

One semester of English and they are communicating! rather well, i think. perhaps we will work some on spelling…

Guilheme: “my family ets bananas. in threes (he meant trees). they hav fur. we is mokes (monkeys).”

This was Mateus´ reply when Karine said she wasn´t afraid of getting biten by him.

got
sick on my birthday. Then i took expired meds to make me feel better.
instead, they made me almost faint, throw up, and poop all at the same
time. it was not a pretty sight. they had to force feed me Ruffles on
the bathroom floor instead of singing “Happy Birthday.“

then it went away and i was happy.

No
one could decide if we were happy or sad…it was my birthday…but
Carina was leaving for the US the next day. so it was happy, happy,
cry, cry…

when i dont know how to respond to something
emotionally, i back away, look blankly, or push on and answer whatever
is very common sense and sensible for me to say. how pathetic. Carina
hugged me goodbye and all i could say was “Did you pack Anna´s book?“

i miss her. i´ve almost broken out into My Fair Lady´s “i´ve
grown accustomed to her looks, accustomed to her grace, accustomed to
her…face“ twice.

i
started my internet classes. which means i´ve turned back into a
procrastinator and do things like watch movies called instead of my assignments. Suddenly Orkut and Facebook and
Myspace are of the utmost importance. i even start cleaning my room to
get out of doing work. and what is worse is…i WANT to do these
classes. bad habits, i guess. bleh…now my financial aid hit a snag. all i have to do is show up and sign something. yeah right.

My camera is hitting the bottom
of dying. it has been a long road, and it has always been tempermental,
but ladies and gents…i think it is time to bury the thing. so you
might not see any pics for awhile.

i am 25. i feel the same.
it is just another day to pull along the load. but i see smiles and
eyes light up and realize that somewhere…
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

sometimes i dont know what i want
and i feel confused
other times i do know
and i am frustrated
because it isnt happening
but sometimes–
just sometimes
knowledge and opportunity
meet
and kiss
and equal satisfaction

and now…i am going to go to my homework.

it is all about investing. giving. promising the world and not remembering that it is not yours to give. casting your bread upon the water. sowing your seed. for reward? to collect? no. because it is love. because we have been loved and intested in. for the reward of giving. the problem is when we forget. and we only do it for the return.

be like Johnny Appleseed and walk across the country eating apples and planting their seeds. you may never walk that way again. you wont remember where those seeds are. then one day you will pick and apple and halfway through remember and wonder…was this one of those seeds?

Freely you have recieved, Freely give.

Tele shared about a basic overall story about the churches and the Alcance this morning…it was all little steps. small things and choices–with changes thrown in that alter and move in unimaginable ways. but little steps. God moving individual lives: Charles Lake. Word of Life. Tele and Heather. Assuario. Ricardo. So many more…people moved by God to take little steps and their steps made open doors for others. so where i sit today, i look at everything and see one big miracle. but i bet it didnt look like a miracle the whole time along the way. like when there was no money. visas denied. people dying or leaving. meeting in the rain because there was no building. most miracles are built slowly. little steps. i just hope i am building miracles right now. that someday these little steps will form a picture of God´s work.

ok. so NOW the picture thing works right. so i will try to remember what i wrote.
´´Jump?“

my mind is blank. what do you write about this? sorry for it being sideways?

this is from Roman Holiday, Brasil edition

This poor turtle was flipped over on his back, wiggling around pathetically…so Maninho jumped in the cage and saved him. security at the Brasilian zoo is rather niltch. The rescued turtle is named Matt Schlegal.

the hippo then opened his mouth over the cage and almost drooled on me. another person said that was lucky…normally he turns around and tries to get you that way.
 

If a fireman is a Bombeiro, a firewoman is a Bombeira, right? apparently not. but we took over the truck anyways.

The bus ride home was great: Carina (WHO IS LEAVING ME TOMRROW!!!!!!) me, Maninho, Feliphe, and Diego.

shout out to Todd, who shares the birthday with me. he says 20 is the new 30. who else wants to join our depressing old attitude?

i started internet classes. Creative writing and Psycology. as if i am not already confused.

English class was covering body and clothes vocabulary. this led to many interesting conversations, and kids are just not shy and find any discussion on body parts funny.

you know what makes me smile? Pastor Assuario walking down the hall singing ´´You must not know ´bout me“

i had a mid-life crisis during my second grade class. I always ask the kids questions like ´´how old are you?´´ but i switched things up and asked Neto “how old is your mother?“ he said 25. since she couldnt be 25, i repeated the question in Portuguese, thinking he misunderstood me. nope. his mother is 25. so is his father. i am as old as my second grader´s parents.

We were going on a picnic yesterday for my birthday, but Roberio´s mother died. She was not a believer. Please pray for their family. In Brasil, because of the weather, they are buried the same day. imagine having someone you love by your side in the morning and 6 feet under by night. it put my birthday into perspective.

i have a belly full of feijoada and ice cream and bolo de maracuja is soon to come. life is good.

i got scared again. i told Tele that my documents had arrived and he was ready to send them off that day to get my VISA. i had two years flash in my face and freaked over the committment. half way to 50 sounds bad enough…almost 30 sounds even worse. but i do not have the money, and we are going to look into the student visa some more, now that my Portuguese is getting better (except for writing). i am here. for who knows how long? i am here now. where will i go later? alone? there are so many needs. problems. people. i was talking with God…He said wherever i went there would always be something beautiful. for the moment, that answers works perfectly.

…i figured this out because they always serve green olives on pizza in Brasil. hmm.

the picture thingy isnt working. sorry.

Went to Maninhos orchestra practice with Carina. noticed that the downside of playing a cello is that you cannot sneak into practice late. other than that, i think it would be my instrument of choice. or the piccolo.

a lady with a baby and little girl came on the bus asking for money. Carina gave the girl a 5$R (because she is Carina). the little girl stopped, opened the crumpled bill, and pressed it over her grinning mouth. it was a moment frozen in time. worth much more than 5$R.

Never drink Caldo de Cana (sugar cane juice) on an empty stomach. oh, and the guy said sugar cane was a vegetable, not a fruit. i dunno, i never really had an opinion on it myself.

rode on a rhino. almost got swallowed by a hippo, and Maninho saved a turtle. pictures from the zoo are soon to follow.

There was a Forro (traditional Northeaster Brasilian music) band in Recife. Carina and i got swept into some kind of circle dance thing–a moment of transcendence. where i felt like i was home. belonged. until my feet got tired of dancing and i lost the rhythm. darn.

i know one joke. forgot all the rest. but everyone was nicely entertained by it. Carina and i found ourselves in the middle of a group of people who decided to sit and wait for us to be entertaining. so we complied for them. Carinas talents include a Brasilian version of ring around the rosy and singing a beer commercial jingle (Alyssa taught it to her, and her accent is very perfect, including hand motions).  i have one joke.  and…thank God…speak Portuguese.

and i cannot find the apostrophe key on this computer. sorry.

…that was how my brother responded when i called home. it made me wonder what the answer was.

i will miss my birthday smacks at the youth center. the cultural equivalent here is busting eggs on my head.

i read Matthew 10 and got the real, original directions about being a missionary. it includes casting out demons. i think i need more training.  oh yeah…and my reward is being persecuted, taken to court, people hating me, and dividing my family. but keep reading…there is some good stuff in there. reminds me of that poster from way back when: WANTED: MEN WILLING TO DIE (for an exploration to the south pole or something).

Watched Schindlers List. closed my eyes a lot. came to the conclusion that if you are willing to kill FOR ANY REASON…you are simply willing to kill. i dont want to believe all the Germans were racist killers…especially considering i am German. You allow for one thing which leads to another…and suddenly you find yourself in a place of killing or being killed…would i have the guts to die instead?

you can look at the one who was saved, or the millions who died.  All life is precious. as precious as my own. while one is suffering, can i stay comfortable?

notice the details.

how do you motivate someone who is stuck and does not want to change?

Thursday begins with three classes straight of second grade. somewhere between last semester and this week, Carol and Eloysa decided they could get away with anything they wanted. they got detention very quickly. Eloysa screamed the whole way there so the whole school saw our parade to the office. that is always fun. then i have classes until 3 and then teach the seminary class, which is now three credits, meaning three classes of 45 minutes. by 5:30 i am blindly searching for my bed.

but one good thing happened–Wilson came. Carina and i met Wilson when we went for a picnic and invited him to the class. of course, being Brasilian, they always say they will come, and never do. Wilson actually showed up. he is a nice old man who really has never studied English and so the class was pretty far over his head, but…it was just nice to…make a friend and then see him again. it makes me feel connected with life here. like i am really here. like maybe i belong here. maybe.

i figured out that there are some people who do wonderful things for me that i will never be able to repay and can never thank them properly. it makes me want to give to others like that.

Spent the weekend in Timbauba. watched Karine get her legs waxed, as she argued that it was cheaper than buying/using razors. her wincing made me reject her theory. Carina then rejected Karine and my theories and decided it was unethical to shave her legs. who was the first guy who pointed to a girl and said hairy legs were ugly in the first place?

Ate amazing food. i think they are fattening me up to eat me.

What does it mean that the fields are ready to be harvested? that people are ready to let Christ in? i guess it all comes down to knowing you have problems and only Jesus can fix/solve/forgive/help/free them. is that a working definition of this overused word SALVATION? laborers in the harvest are simply people who go and show them Jesus–through love. who goes and LOVES. we need to introduce them to Jesus not because we are scared of hell (hell is reality, i am not dissing it, but really…it seems like it has become only a guilt trip to get Christians motivated and people scared) but because we dont want them to go another moment in this hopeless hell on earth without Jesus. the problems that are here now. the issues that come at us. He is here. We go and love because we love them and we love Jesus and so we want them to meet. because through life with Jesus, building that relationship, you can become satisfied. fulfilled. find answers. no, your life wont be easy, but it will have something real in it.

i love how dysfunctional life is. how the band at church doesn’t have working instruments all the time. how we had a piece of paper jamming in the battery to make it work this morning. how we decide what songs to sing 15 minutes before the service. how we are simply singing to God. how sometimes the singers start off key and the rest of the band just finds the new key to match. i used to get so annoyed with some of this. now it is rather endearing.

The children from the Creche project were at church tonight at Paudalho. those are the kids from the favellas (ghettos). they took up the front seats on the left side of the church and it was beautiful. i shook every hand during greeting time. i felt strong saudade (missing/homesick) for my youth center kids. After church we danced and jumped around with them and they asked if they could hug us (they, unfortunately, had this Americans are like gods mentality or something) so we hugged and talked and played spear the gato, which is much like ring-around-the-rosey. i hope they come back next week.

Gabriels mom…funny how i dont know her name, only my students name…joined us for prayer meeting and started crying. not exactly sure why, but i felt very far away from helping. i stared at the back of the girls head on the bus yesterday and wondered what it would have been like if i were Brasilian…

Things are going well at the school. my big challenge at the moment is helping the kids going from vocabulary to phrases. it seems impossible at the moment. today consisted of giving out 12 demerits. i think that is a new record. and that was by 10:00am

Tuesday and Friday afternoons i get off. that, mixed with the fact that my internet classes dont start until later this month, make me feel like i have all the time in the world. maybe mostly because i am comparing it to last semester where i totally fried myself. fried egg on the sidewalk.

Carina and i went for a picnic. over the hills and through the woods (sugarcane). then through the cow pasture. its been raining, so we ate on the road with a million dollar view. it was fine until someone passed by…luckily, he knew about the Alcance and we became friends. he showed us his chickens and guinea pigs. then the cows had it in for us. i could see it in their beady eyes. we ran.